#dysautonamia

[smerzy16]

That feeling when you put your compression tights on 👌🏻

[onlyforyoulittlelove]

Take what you get, I suppose.

How could I possibly be this lucky? How can he love someone so broken? I guess when you find someone of whom you like almost everything about, you WANT to carry their burdens, you WANT to fear their fears. You want ALL of them not just the desirable parts. So what makes me so desirable that someone would want to take all of this as his own? I suppose it's not for me to know.

[onlyforyoulittlelove]

Flirting with POTS?

"Everything's going to be okay." "It's not. But that's okay too." Every time I get close to someone these days they start to feel sorry for me. I don't want your pity, I want your friendship. Or you know, something more. But that is far to tall of an order.

[onlyforyoulittlelove]

It's been exactly a year since this all started. Dysautonamia took myself and the ones I love for a crazy ride. I don't know how to put down in words how much this has effected me, but sorry tumblr readers, I'm going to try. In all my life, I have not had a challenge this um... Challenging. I mean I grew up with chronic kidney infections, doctors, and hospitals. I had two surgeries by the age of 14, 4 emergency visits for athsma attacks, many visits to the hospital because I became resistant to oral medication, and that's just the big stuff. My family and I are no strangers to the medical world. When I fainted this time last year at cross country practice, I had no idea what kind of ride I was in for. 1 doctor, 2 doctors, 3 doctors. Each had their own theory as to what was wrong. 4 doctors, 5 doctors, 6 doctors. 1 term into my senior year, still no answers. All the while I look like a lunatic with my shaking hands, nausea, and dizzy spells in the middle of class. 7 doctors, 8 doctors, 9 doctors. Dysautonamia? POTS? It's not all in my head? Two terms into the senior year from hell and I have a diagnosis but still no answers and no cure. Term 3. A call from my Neurologist, I need to visit his office immediately. What else could possibly go wrong?A brain tumor? Fantastic. Completely unrelated. So this is the point where my medical history of the year became compiled into a 3 inch blue binder. My senior year had it's low points, but I would not trade it for the world. I learned how irreplaceable my friends are, how far my mother was willing to fight for my health, how much love and humor can make any situation better as long as you are together. My best friend would walk me all the way home from practice every day. My other best friend sent care packages to me from San Diego State. Whenever I felt alone or hopeless, God sent someone or something to lift my spirits. I was so mad at God because I knew that he only gives you what you can handle. If that was the case I didn't think I was as strong as he believes I am. But what I learned is he only gives you what you can handle- with him.