#dysphoria m

[amoebasapph]

to be clear i don't endorse the act but in the abstract, the castrato is such a weirdly compelling and poetic figure

to be changed irreversibly into a conduit for art, to never grow up like the boys you knew, to play a seraph's horn, live a shorter song,

and in turn, you'll grow taller than most men

like a cuckoo, you'll be taller than your father, your father's father. long body, long limbs. a changeling, finely tuned.

[batz]

im just hoping when my surgeon said 'other options' he means like. other hospitals n stuff. hes gonna call again eventually and will actually tell me whats up bc. idk

the amount of like. legitimate heartache im feeling rn bc of top surgery being taken from me is hurting so bad. tmrw i wouldve been on the ferry going out to the island to get the surgery and its not Happening anymore bc the hospital is. garbage

im glad im not getting the surgery at that hospital though. not only is the hospital godawful toward native ppl, like moreso than the other island hospitals, but like. the doc that called me involved with my surgery said i was a waste of medical resources and like. idk that kinda sticks with you i guess lol

dealing with a Lot of dysphoria rn. im kind of just sleeping all day and not rlly eating or doing much of Anything. taking my meds still tho so theres a Mental Health Win i guess fhdkddj

[cryptspren-moved]

me: wants long top curly hair w short sides so i can cuddle my partners & have my hair played with

also me: trans, touch repulsed to the point that a little touch makes me freak out & has a very sensitive scalp

[groovenians]

the more i dress like my oc carmine the more confident i feel overall about myself and my dysphoria dwindles down to the point i forget i even have any

[xbox-nun]

I actually really like the idea of being pregnant in general but there are some Big Cons to it namely the whole breasty business - which lasts long after the pregnancy, too - and the horror of medical misogyny and the shit doctors will do to you it is some of the most horrific stuff I could possibly imagine and o just don't know if it's worth it to me to keep my reproductive system intact on the off chance that I decide to (and have the resources to) carry a pregnancy. Not that they'd let me get a hysterectomy

[b3grim3d]

hey, I'm sorry to hear about your dysphoria. I remember I kept constantly wearing mine because I had particularly bad dysphoria and I couldn't breathe properly for a while. it's really annoying and I hope you can find things to take your mind off of it. it's like you want to wear it more but then you have to deal with dysphoria. I'm here if you wanna message me about it

t

thanky ou,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[lionsworn]

     you  think  perhaps  you  were  born  to  suffer .  how  else ,  you  think ,  would  you  have  come  to  be  here ?  you  are  but  a  child ,  abandoned  by  your  parents  on  another  continent ,  neglected  by  those  who  elected  to  take  you  in .  you're  not  sure  why  your  birth  parents  gave  you  up ,  but  you  think  you  might  be  fundamentally  unlovable .  you  have  been  with  the  argentums  since  you  were  a  baby ,  since  before  you  had  formed  a  personality .  (  and  have  you ,  even  now ,  formed  one ?  you're  not  sure .  )  you're  not  sure  what  about  you  made  your  parents  take  one  look  and  decide  they  didn't  love  you ,  but  the  possibilities  keep  you  up  at  night .  you  think  maybe  you  were  an  ugly  baby .  maybe  they  had  other  children ,  and  they  had  to  pick  and  choose  who  to  keep .  you  think  maybe  that's  acceptable .  understandable ,  even .  pick  the  kids  they  already  love ,  and  get  rid  of  the  one  they'd  yet  to  care  about .  (  the  truth  never  occurs  to  you ,  in  all  your  years  of  wondering .  )

     you  know  your  foster  parents  don't  love  you .  can  see  the  way  they  avoid  eye  contact  with  you .  can  tell  the  difference  between  the  face  in  the  mirror  and  the  ones  that  you  see  less  and  less  frequently .  and  you  can't  really  blame  them .  you  don't  see  people  with  your  coloration  too  frequently  in  insomnia .  you  stick  out  like  a  sore  thumb ,  and  that's  even  keeping  your  mark  hidden .  (  you  don't  know  where  it  came  from  ---  perhaps  elsewhere  they  mark  their  babies .  )  you're  grateful ,  though ,  that  they  accept  you  otherwise  as  the  face  in  your  mirror  becomes  more  and  more  distressing  to  you .  (  and  not  just  because  it's  so  different  from  the  faces  around  you .  )  they're  understanding ,  if  not  loving .  they  help  you  begin  your  transition ,  and  make  up  in  that  sort  of  support  for  what  they  lack  in  love .  you  know  that  it's  not  why  they  don't  love  you ,   that  there  are  a  multitude  of  other  reasons .  (  you  can't  say  you  blame  them  for  not  loving  you .  )  (  you  know  with  a  painful  certainty  that  there's  just  something  intrinsically  unlovable  about  you .  )

     you  think  you've  been  given  an  opportunity .  that  there  must  be  something  in  you  worthy  of  a  second  chance ,  even  if  it's  just  your  caring  nature .  (  caring ,  because  you  never  want  anyone  to  yearn  for  love  the  way  you  do .  )  taking  care  of  tiny  proves  to  you  that  maybe  you're  not  unlovable .  she  loves  you ,  and  you  love  her .  (  maybe  you're  not  totally  pointless ,  so  long  as  you're  being  useful .  so  long  as  your  existence  is  affecting  others  in  a  positive  way .  )  those  are  the  best  days  of  your  childhood .  so  it  breaks  your  heart  to  wake  and  find  her  gone .  she  was  your  reason  for  living ,  for  a  while .  your  reason  for  rushing  home  from  school .  you  loved  her  dearly ,  but  she  left  you  too .  you  hope  she's  well ,  that  she  found  her  way  back  home ,  but  her  absence  feels  like  your  heart's  been  torn  from  your  chest .  (  and  maybe  a  part  of  it  has  been .  )

     and  then  you  get  a  letter .  a  new  reason  for  living .  there's  a  princess  out  there  who  wants  you  to  befriend  a  prince .  you  think  you  would  probably  do  anything  for  her  if  she  asked .  (  you  get  the  feeling  she  would  never  ask ,  and  that  makes  you  love  her  a  little  bit  more .  )  (  it  never  occurs  to  you  that  loving  someone  you  don't  know  isn't  something  most  people  go  through .  )  (  you  don't  know  enough  people  to  gauge  what  a  normal  experience  is .  )  she  wants  you  to  keep  noctis  safe ,  to  make  sure  he's  well ,  and  so  you  will .  you  try  approaching  him .  he's  one  of  the  most  beautiful  people  you've  ever  seen ,  even  with  the  sadness  coloring  his  midnight  blue  eyes .  you  leave  the  failed  encounter  with  a  sharp  feeling  in  your  chest ,  and  you  almost  want  to  give  up .  but  you  don't .  you  can't  let  her  down .  you'll  work  to  make  yourself  better ,  to  make  yourself  worthy  of  the  friendship  of  a  prince  and  the  gratitude  of  a  princess .

     and  you  do .  you  are .  (  perhaps  you  always  were .  )

[yveltal-yeets-nasties]

some nights, its just a dysphoria free night and im feeling great,, maybe i should do a face reveal soon, but. i dont think people would find it important so

no matter what i feel like a pretty as heck boi!