Feb 17, 2015
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E.NTRY : 020 : 150214 “Once your past starts hunting you don’t ever look back, run. Run until you’ve reach your light — You don’t deserve to live in the dark” — Hopefully, I’ll be able to let go of this account, and move to a place where no one knows where I am, and who am I with only a few selective people with me. I don’t think this place is healthy anymore. I’m too damed by the past. Everything haunts me. Small things trigger my sadness. I end up crying at night. I cry, and cry until my heart turns numb. I’ve put up a lot of fight, and the burden, and heaviness on my back - is too much for me anymore. One, by one it’s eating my sanity alive. They say that I have changed. Well everything has changed. I have changed to a monster that you’ve grown to hate, you have changed to a person that I don’t want even dare to look at. Isn’t it fair that - we stop this nonsense. Let’s keep our mouth shut, and let go of each other’s past. We’re both ready to forget each other, to forget the /friendship/ we once had. We’ve said our last good byes’. I don’t ever want to feel guilty. When all I did was to open my heart out, and let my thoughts be heard. And judging from there, I immediately become the villain. To keep myself from getting pressured, and to ease my unwavering thoughts I let go - but even so I still feel guilty. What more do you want from me? You hated the monster I’ve become, but no one said sorry to me — when I was the one who got hurt the most. I didn’t say anything, in hopes that you’ll understand. But no one did understand, and only a few — and right from then I know who my real friends are. Some tried their best to understand, and I’m glad – ‘cause I know they’re trying, and I appreciate them. I really do. I’m gonna be honest, from the moment we’ve cut our ties - I’ve been happy. I felt guilt free, but why is it that every time I’m doing well - I hear stuffs abt me? Abt you hating me so much that you’ll talk shit abt me. I’m glad that you did - ‘cause after I heard so many hurtful things that’s when I knew it was worth letting all of you go – even if I’m someone you hate, I won’t stoop so low to talk badly about you. I hope you’re happy – because right now, I’m at my weakest once again.
E.NTRY : 019 : 150130
And alas your name doesn't bother me like the way it used to be, your undeniable presence that was once encrypted in me no longer spark a certain familiarity. You're a memory that is long forgotten. A poison with an antidote. Your smile reeks with insanity, and I'm immune with clarity. We share the same memory of friends that turned to enemies. You're a picture that I've burned, and hell be with it. Though I speak with hatred, I too speak with softness. For you were a friend I truly most care, so as I write this with a smile, I bid thee farewell.
E.NTRY : 018 : 141203
"I loved being in my own head so much, it was getting harder and harder being with other people"
Although I smile and laugh, I still can’t seem to do both with a whole heart.
It’s been a lonely month. I don’t even know who to talk to anymore. Everything feels so grey.
Even if I vent my feelings out, the lingering feeling of wanting to distance myself is there.
Numb I may be on the outside, but I’m shattered on the inside.
- I just want to be with him..
E.NTRIES : 017 : 141127
They’re similar to drinking coffee. In overwhelming you, in awaking your senses, in sneaking into your system till you’re addicted, in stimulating your cravings..
And once they go, once they decide to run. All you have is the memories. All you have is your thoughts.
And believe me when I say, my thoughts of him, have kept me awake more that caffeine ever did.”
I know you're not here, but don't worry about me. I don't, and won't ever regret waiting for you. You're the one I love, and you're the only person that makes me hope for more. you're my hearts, flowers, and more. It's Thanks giving here, and I want to say thank you. I'm so thankful that you're the person I've entrusted my heart with, and I'm thankful for the wonderful, loving, and happy memories we've made in such a short amount of time, an I can't wait for us to go on more adventures by the time you're back. I hope you're doing well, I'll be here love, waiting for you with my arms open wide, wanting to hug you till you're back home.
E.NTRIES : 016 : 141119
I hate the feeling as if the whole world is gonna leave me.
It's cold, and I'm lonely. Where are you, my love? I hate this distance between us. I yearn for your warmth. I crave for your kisses. My hands are cold from missing you too much. I wish you're here. I'll see you soon, right?
E.NTRY : 015 : 141114
My eyes are sore 'cause I can’t see you. My arms are empty 'cause I can’t hold you. My lips are cold 'cause I can’t kiss you. I look at my cold, empty hands, and I know your hand fills the gaps of it perfectly. It's been a week and three days. I know it hasn't been that long, but for me it is. I really can't imagine a day without you. I try so hard not to think about it, but almost every second, I'll look at our old conversations, and reminisce how happy we were. Of course, I'd smile nonstop, but I'll end up sulking later. I'm always wearing the bracelet you gave me. Each charm letter signifies the people I won't ever lose, and will always be in my life, right? And the letter "L" is there -- the "L" stands for your name. I know I won't ever lose you, and that's why I'm here always waiting for you, and trust that my love for you will always be the same, and more. I hope you'll come back soon. I miss you.
E.NTRY : 014 : 141113
Love, I'm doing a little well today. Chae Unnie's back, and I hope you'll come back soon. I want you to meet her. Guess what, you'll be the first ever guy I'm gonna introduce to her. I guess you can say that's pretty damn special since I only talk to her about the people I used to date, but never really introduced them to her. I wish you're here, but take your time - 'cause I know we'll be together someday, yeah? I miss you.