Head rising from his mossy bed, Eagleburn pricked his ears towards the sound of a voice he recognized. His ears twitched, feeling sorry for but a moment, though he concealed it well as he rose to his paws and sat.
"Leopardpaw?"
The young tom-cat nodded, and remembering himself, quickly said, "Yes, it's me. I'm here to bring you your prey."
It was difficult to determine the time of day that it was within the medicine cats' den. While he could still see light and vague shapes, here in the den, it was all dark. There was no morning sun to signal when to wake up, nor falling darkness to inform him of when it was time to retire. It was Beewatcher who kept the time for him, letting him know that it had been three days since his temporary imprisonment.
The only times he was allowed to feel the sun on his fur or to walk under the moonlight was when he was taken to the dirtplace.
Had he known he would be treated thoroughly like a prisoner, he may have reconsidered his route of eliminating Bayspots.
"Thank you, Leopardpaw. I know this is hard on you."
The apprentice stepped forward, picking up the thrush he had put down, and carrying it to Eagleburn. He had been next in line to receive his warrior's name until everything had fallen apart.
"Not as hard it is for you," sorrowfully Leopardpaw said as he placed the thrush close to Eagleburn, sitting down. "I believe you're innocent. You defended yourself."
For a beat, Eagleburn felt pity for his apprentice. He was warrior-aged, primed and ready to step into the pawsteps of his ancestors, but he was still naive. He looked at his mentor with the hope that he was nothing more than an innocent bystander in a crime that he hadn't wanted to commit, but his paw had been forced to do so. Eagleburn envied him. He recognized much of himself in the young tom.
"Leopardpaw."
"Yes?"
By the shuffling of moss and scrabble of claws on hard dirt, Eagleburn could tell that Leopardpaw had stood to attention. Internally, Eagleburn smiled.
"Tell Beewatcher to ask Oatstar to perform your warrior ceremony without me."
Leopardpaw's shock was palpable as a mortified gasp escaped the young apprentice before he could stop it.
"But--"
"No but's. You were supposed to get a ceremony before the full moon, and you deserve to stay on track. You can do it without me in exchange for one promise."
"Of course--anything, Eagleburn."
Eagleburn's whiskers twitched in amusement at how eager his apprentice was to please him. His first apprentice, and potentially his last. Would any other cat be as fine a tom as Leopardpaw under his tutelege?
"Come and tell me all about it. I want to hear your new warrior name from you the moment your vigil is over with."
Leopardpaw was quiet for a moment, and for a second, Eagleburn wondered if he was going to reject his offer.
"I'll come running the moment the vigil is done," he finally said, and Eagleburn purred in contentment. Stretching out his neck, Leopardpaw took the invitation to step closer, bumping cheeks together while Eagleburn gave him an affectionate lick over the ears. The young apprentice felt much like a sibling to him, and while he was loathe to disappoint him like this, there were bigger things at play.
"Okay, go on then."
Eagleburn gave Leopardpaw a gentle headbutt, nudging him back towards the mouth of the den.
"Go talk to Beewatcher, my little warrior."
Leopardpaw laughed, and while he could not see it, Eagleburn felt his warm smile on his fur.
"... I'll come back soon, Eagleburn."
Nodding, he listened to the sound of his retreating pawsteps, and slowly, he curled into himself, disinterested in the thrush brought.
It took several more sunrises until finally, Oatstar seemed ready to face the clan, and address what was destined for Eagleburn. Without his trusted deputy at his side, he seemed uncertain and tentative, incapable of providing the guidance that the clan needed. Dappleddusk, especially, noticed this.
And she was the reason why he had managed to drag his sorry pelt to the Great Oak.
You cannot avoid this forever, she had hissed at him in his den, frustrated with his lack of action. No matter if Eagleburn killed Bayspots' out of self-defense or not, he can't keep rotting away in the medicine cats' den, and you cannot keep hiding.
"Is he finally calling a clan meeting?"
Ears perking, Dappleddusk's harsh expression softened at the sight of her daughter, Beewatcher. Flanking her was her son, Sunnydash, and she greeted both with a purr and a headbutt--though not without a quick groom of Sunnydash's fluffy gray head, which he happily endured. He had always been a mama's boy.
"Yes, finally." Dappleddusk sighed, her tail tip twitching in irritation as she looked back to where Oatstar was visibly collecting himself.
"Did he tell you what he's going to be doing?" asked Sunnydash,
Dappleddusk laid her ears back, flexing her claws into the dirt.
"No," she stiffly answered. "I'm hoping to find that out now."
"All warriors, please gather beneath the Great Oak!"
"He's excluding apprentices...?" whispered Beewatcher, mimicking her mother's irritated look. "What is he thinking? This affects the whole clan!"
Dappleddusk could only shake her head, her kits falling to silence as they looked to their leader. Unlike Leopardchaser's ceremony, Oatstar seemed uneasy and lacking confidence.
As cats gathered, Dappleddusk made a note of Leopardchaser emerging from the medicine cats' den. He had volunteered for every shift he could for watching over Eagleburn, and she sensed the only reason he had come out was to see if Oatstar had decided his former mentor's fate.
In tandem, the Bayspots' litter joined the clan, and Dappleddusk noted that Sandfeather seemed especially on edge. Unsurprising, given she had been the most volatile at the discovery of her mother's death. When Brightstorm left the nursery to join them, Sandfeather made a point of walking around and keeping distance between them by using Frostspots as a physical barrier.
Dappleddusk looked away before she could see Brightstorm's disappointment.
"As we all know," Oatstar began, bringing the clan to a quiet. "We have had some... Issues in the clan, regarding Eagleburn."
"Yeah, no foxdung," grumbled Sandfeather, who was promptly quieted by Sparrowshadow.
"Given as this affects the whole clan, I was thinking of... taking a vote."
Disbelief rippled through the crowd, and Dappleddusk felt her hackles raise. What kind of spineless act was this? Their leader was to guide them and provide definitive answers! Was Oatstar going to evade his duties by forcing them onto his clan?
"Does the vote include exile?" Sandfeather asked loudly, and was met with a hiss to be quiet by Sparrowshadow. "What? He killed! Whether or not it was in self-defense, he murdered one of us--"
"Eagleburn has done nothing but support you and your kin, along with the whole clan, this whole time!"
The rising whispers silenced with the caterwaul of Leopardchaser, eyes turning upon the once meek apprentice, now bristled warrior, as he stared Sandfeather down. The she-cat met his gaze with a flinch of surprise, but she merely flattened her ears.
"Is killing my mother supportive?!" she countered, and Leopardchaser slammed a forepaw against the dirt.
"She attacked him! Eagleburn has done nothing but be a truthful member of this clan, why would he start lying now? He said he knew what he did was wrong and turned himself in--a murderer would have tried to hide it! Or dumped the body!"
"My mother would never just--"
"Enough!"
Nose-to-nose, the battle-ready warriors were split up by Dappleddusk diving between them, pushing them apart with broad, scarred shoulders.
"Oatstar!"
Turning, tail lashing, she met the timid gaze of their leader.
"We need your guidance on this. This is not a decision the clan can make--" She flicked her tail in reference to the two agitated cats on either side of her. "Without ripping each other's pelts off."
"Ah, well, but..."
Oatstar shrunk, and Dappleddusk felt all of her faith slowly drain. Was Eagleburn really the true leader of this clan, simply operating in the shadows?
"We need your guidance, Oatstar," called Beewatcher, and was met by an uneasy chorus of her peers who, too, needed the voice of a strong leader to show them the way. Yet, Oatstar only shrunk further back against the Great Oak, though with leaf-bare upon them, the branches of the Great Oak offered no coverage for the anxious tom-cat.
"I... I... I actually need to... Talk to... StarClan about this."
"What?"
Before Dappleddusk could follow up on her shock--Oatstar was on the move.
Incredulous, she could only watch as their valiant leader appointed by none other than Darkstar herself fled with his tail between his legs, scrabbling down the claw-marked bark of the Great Oak.
"Is he--?"
Beewatcher's whispered dismay reflected Dappleddusk's own shocked heart as Oatstar took off into the surrounding forest, darting around an apprentice who had sneaked out to see the drama. He wasn't headed in the direction of the Sky Splinter.
"All cats old enough to catch their own prey, gather beneath the Great Oak!"
Ever since Eagleburn had returned with Bayspots' still-warm body, the camp had been thick with a palpable tension. No one cat had been able to keep still or to keep quiet as gossip as to what was to happen spread like wildfire through the chilly camp. Opinions were starkly divided as to what should be done, and the crux of it all was Eagleburn's contributions to DawnClan.
Such as seen in physical form as young Leopardpaw, flanked by Beewatcher, approached the Great Oak. The apprentice, already fully grown and sleek with toned muscle beneath his dappled coat, looked smaller than he should next to the medicine cat.
As Oatstar clambered up the tree overarching the camp, peering down below, he, too, shared in Leopardpaw's visible anxiety.
Eagleburn's absence was felt with a distinctive, ominous air. Many had begun to realize how he was the sticky sap keeping them all together, Oatstar's necessary shadow and guiding paw. It had been three days since Eagleburn's banishment to the medicine cats' den, and little had been decided.
But, at the deputy's insistence, Oatstar had conceded that the clan needed this bright spot of hope more than ever.
"It has been a tough few days, but I hope you all can find joy in this moment like I will," Oatstar began, looking out over his collected clan. He noted that the Bayspots' litter were absent, and Suntuft and Brightstorm were in the mouth of the nursery, watching, but distant. He tried not to think of it, looking down and spotting Leopardpaw anxiously shifting from paw to paw among the crowd.
"We have an apprentice overdue for his ceremony, that he has very much become deserving of. Leopardpaw, could you please step forward towards the Great Oak?"
The whispering among the felines settled as all eyes focused upon Leopardpaw, and in that moment, the young cat figured out why his mentor pushed so much for him to have his ceremony without him. It was a distraction from the tragedy that had befallen their clan, a necessary one. He felt their gazes upon him, but unlike what he had anticipated, it felt... Warm. Joyous.
He could see his siblings, who had obtained their warrior names a moon before, sitting in the crowd, looking upon him with pride. Wolverinefreckle lifted her good paw, and Rowandawn flicked his bushy gray tail, both wearing such warm expressions.
They had led different paths--Wolverinefreckle a medicine cat and Rowandawn a mediator--which had caused them to separate from a young age, but these clan ties kept them bound together, and reminded Leopardpaw that the clan was not doomed over one incident. He could only hope they would be stronger for it.
"In place of your mentor--Beewatcher, do you believe this young cat is ready for his warrior name?"
Pulling herself up beside Leopardpaw, they shared a glance, and Beewatcher lifted her head high.
"Undoubtedly. He has demonstrated the courage and loyalty of a clan cat, and the heart of a warrior."
Oatstar nodded.
"Leopardpaw--do you promise to uphold our code, and to defend DawnClan to your dying breath?"
"I do."
"Then I declare you Leopardchaser. May your courageous heart continue to guide you along StarClan's path."
With a bunch of his haunches, Oatstar leaped down to the gathering place where newly named Leopardchaser awaited. His anxiety melted away, finally did the younger tom stand like the warrior he should be, and in his posture and lifted head, Oatstar saw a reflection of Eagleburn.
Padding forward, with the distance closed, the two cats briefly shared tongues, Oatstar licking the shoulder of Leopardchaser and Leopardchaser mimicking him.
"DawnClan, meet your newest warrior!"
His tail flagged high, and with Oatstar's cry, a chorus of Leopardchaser's new name rung out across the clearing.
Leopardchaser! Leopardchaser! Leopardchaser!
Overwhelmed with joy, as his siblings approached to give their congratulations, out of the corner of his eye, Leopardchaser spotted a black tail slipping back into the medicine cats' den. His heart swelled with an indescribable feeling, one he would not forget as he accepted the congratulations of his peers with a deep purr.
Eagleburn did not need his vision to feel sharp eyes upon him, studying him with a vicious scrutiny he knew was deserved.
"I know what you've done."
Calmly, the deputy tilted his head to address the pointed hiss. "I don't know what you mean, Bayspots."
He'd sensed her earlier watching him, ever since he, Brightstorm, and Suntuft had brought the kits back to camp. Initially, he had thought of entering the nursery, hoping to have a private moment to speak properly to Brightstorm. Bayspots's presence swiftly changed his mind, and her intense approach justified his changed mind. Hostility rolled off of her in hot waves, enough to warm the cool leaf-fall air. His ears twitched, otherwise appearing unperturbed.
"I'm not stupid, Eagleburn," Bayspots spat. Her voice was kept low enough for none of the other cats to hear, but judging by the sound of her fluffed tail's harsh lashing whistling through the air, Eagleburn imagined their clanmates would notice her displeasure, "I've seen you and Brightstorm, and now you mysteriously bring back kits?"
Whether or not her verbal blows land, Eagleburn doesn't show it. He merely nodded, and motioned with his tail.
"Let's discuss this outside of camp."
Without leaves on their branches, the light split through the trees easier. Under the midday leaf-fall sun, far from camp, Eagleburn and Bayspots faced one another. Even after the long walk out of camp, Bayspots's anger had yet to exhaust, and if anything, she was especially furious.
"Why in the name of StarClan did we need to go out this far just to talk?"
"Because you're right. Those kits are as much Brightstorm's as they are mine."
The silence was deafening. Eagleburn heard the hitch in Bayspots's breathing, the faint sound of her claws clenching into the soil below her paws. Steady as ever, Eagleburn remained stalwart, unmoved.
"How dare you."
Bayspots broke the silence, her voice lifting high. Birds in nearby trees took flight in panic at the sharp rise of her howl.
"I always knew you and Brightstorm had something going on--"
Her voice hitched, emotions flooding.
"Ever since our first litter... I've seen how she's looked at you when we've been together. I have been nothing but a good mate, I have treated her well, and yet she had the audacity--"
"I crossed a boundary," Eagleburn admitted, head bowing. "I should have known better. Brightstorm had begun coming to me as you grew colder to her--and while I understand your insecurity, why didn't you talk to her? She adores you still."
Bayspots bristled.
"I don't owe an explanation of our relationship to you," she hissed. Hackles lifting, tail beginning to enter a harsh lash, she bared teeth that Eagleburn could not see. "Maybe she should've looked inward first if she's going to complain about me."
A moment of silence passed, and Bayspots looked at Eagleburn with an expression of frustrated confusion.
"Is this it? Did you drag me out here just to rub this all in my face? I won't let you get away with it. You and Brightstorm both will face not only the judgment of our clan, but StarClan. This won't stay a secret."
Quietly, Eagleburn nodded in understanding.
"I know," he agreed, to Bayspots's bewilderment. "That's why I brought you out here."
Silent, Bayspots didn't know how to answer, so Eagleburn continued, rising to his paws from where he sat.
"If I frame it right, that you were a cruel and unforgiving mate to Brightstorm, the clan may forgive her when enough time has passed. Especially when you took me deep into the woods, when everyone could smell your fury, to make an attempt on my life."
Stunned, Bayspots gaped. Eagleburn could sense her disbelief, heard the subtle shift of leaf-litter beneath her paws as she slid back a pawstep. It was followed by a step forward of his own, confident and unwavering as the pair of blind, scarred eyes that bore her down. In their foggy reflection, Bayspots could see her own expression, and how terror slowly replaced anger.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, voice suddenly smaller, and Eagleburn took another step.
"Your sacrifice will make way for a new life for not only my kits, but for Brightstorm as well. I'll make sure to pray to StarClan for you to be taken care of."
In the reflection of blind eyes, the last thing Bayspots saw of herself was her mouth opening in a yowl that never came.
With a thick tension in the air, Brightstorm tenderly followed behind Suntuft and Eagleburn back to camp. In the fleeting seconds prior to Eagleburn's arrival, she had naively hoped that maybe, just maybe, she could lie to Bayspots. Two of these kits looked so much like her, and none looked even slightly similar to that of Eagleburn. She could say it was a delayed blessing from StarClan, maybe convince her that it was some strange happening that was not to be questioned.
But as she looked to Eagleburn, who held one of the four now-quieted kits from his mouth, she knew it was impossible.
"I--well--" As if she were facing down a roaring Monster thundering down upon her, Brightstorm, confronted by Eagleburn, lost all her words. Suntuft was bristled against her, protectively standing over her still-recovering sibling.
Eagleburn lifted his tail, indicating a desire for silence.
"I won't out you to Bayspots," Eagleburn said softly, "As I'm as much to blame as you. I..."
He hesitated, and sensing Suntuft's aggression, he took a step back to provide the two she-cats room.
"I care deeply for you, Brightstorm. I always have. I never would want to hurt you."
Brightstorm loathed how her heart sang at those words. She was so deprived of affection from Bayspots that those simple words from Eagleburn had her feeling head-over-paws, and she ached from the bittersweet knowledge that there was one cat who cared for her so deeply, but it wasn't the one she had made her vows to.
"We don't have time for this." Suntuft's voice was sharp, piercing the tension and cutting off the two. "Whatever you two have going on, it's none of my business, but we don't have long until sunrise. Will you help us?"
Brightstorm blinked, surprised at her sister's bold question. Eagleburn had said he would not out her to Bayspots or the other cats, but he never implied he would help. These were his kits, certainly, but he just as much to lose as her among their peers were their affair to be revealed. He would be better off cutting his losses, and leaving Brightstorm to do damage control.
Hesitantly, she peered back at Eagleburn from her sister, noting his contemplative look.
Finally, he nodded.
"... Yes. Tell me what to do."
And thus brought them to their present moment. Some cats had already begun to exit their dens by time they entered camp, and Brightstorm keenly felt their eyes upon her. Pelt burning hot, Suntuft bumped their shoulders together, and she blinked in appreciation.
"What is going on?"
Beewatcher pulled herself out of the medicine cat den, followed by Eagleburn's sister, Grayfade.
Eagleburn, who had taken the lion's share in carrying two of the kits, gently set them down, and spoke before either she-cat could try to summon up their practiced story.
"These are my kits," he said with such confidence that Brightstorm was rattled by it, staring on, gobsmacked, as he faced their clan with tail held high. With a flash of envy for his courage and unwavering confidence, she watched as he continued to speak to their enraptured audience.
"I had met with a rogue she-cat once, but... as we all know, it was enough." He bowed his head, and gently licked the brown-dappled kit blindly squirming around his paws on its head. "We agreed the kits would be safer here. I understand the consequences that may come from this."
By the end of his speech, more cats entered the clearing, and most importantly, Oatstar made an appearance. Brightstorm studied their leader keenly, gauging his sleep-dazed reaction as one of the warriors whispered to him what had gone on in his absence. He seemed confused and surprised, but she did not recognize any hints of displeasure or anger. Striding forward, Oatstar joined the other cats gathering around the trio.
"Suntuft, Brightstorm, is this true?"
Brightstorm straightened, doing her best to hide how sore she felt. Beewatcher studied her with interest, and Brightstorm felt her skin prickle beneath her pelt.
"Yes," Suntuft cut in, "Brightstorm was helping me to the dirt place when we found Eagleburn talking to a she-cat. We helped him bring the kits here afterwards."
Shame left Brightstorm uncomfortably warm. These were her kits, and yet, she could not manage to speak as everyone around her took control. She merely nodded along her confirmation, head bowing.
"... Well, leaf-bare is coming, and we already have so many mouths to feed..." Oatstar seemed hesitant, and Brightstorm's stomach plummeted.
He had allowed Suntuft's kits! So many cats from this clan were not from it, and such was how they kept their bloodlines strong and diverse. Would he truly turn away these helpless kits?
"Nonsense."
Grayfade's stern voice broke in, and the fluffy gray-and-white she-cat lashed a solid gray plume of a tail.
"Leaf-bare is a rough season for us all, but it is no reason to turn away kits. Don't forget that these are your deputy's kits--they'll be strong and courageous warriors one day, just like Eagleburn."
Ears flattening, Oatstar did not seem pleased with this interjection, and for a moment, Brightstorm wondered if this would be the one time he put his paw down. But soon, he conceded, and quietly nodded. Relief rushed through Brightstorm like the warmth of the sun. Eagleburn's expression was unreadable, and while she knew he could not have seen Oatstar's hesitation, surely he sensed it.
"Suntuft, you're the only nursing queen right now. Would you be okay with suckling these kits?" Grayfade asked, and without missing a beat did Suntuft nod.
"Yes, of course. I had a small litter anyways."
Murmurs rippled through the clan as the three cats, now including Grayfade, scooped up the kits to take them to the nursery. Brightstorm tried not to think of how badly she wished to remain with them there, rather than turning them over to Suntuft, but she knew it was for the best. Especially given Eagleburn's sacrifice, knowing the potential fallout from their clanmates...
Looking around, a tiny, fluffy bundle kept in her mouth, she froze.
Bayspots sat in the mouth of the warriors' den, coolly watching the ongoings of the morning. When their eyes locked, Bayspots held her gaze for only a second before she turned away, going to have a word with Squirrelbite.
Brightstorm's stomach sank, and with ears and head lowered, she slunk after her sister and the others to drop off the kits.
Dappleddusk remained on damage control for the rest of the night, working alongside Beewatcher and the clan's mediators, Hollyclaw and Heatherflower.
The most important cat in need of their attention was obviously Sandfeather, but they squared away any other cats visibly shaken by the day's events to be spoken to individually. Beewatcher herded Sandfeather away to a private corner far from the medicine cats' den where Eagleburn remained, having an apprentice fetch some catmint from their stores.
With everyone delegated and working on their tasks, Dappleddusk found herself slowly padding towards the medicine cats' den. She knew full well Oatstar had been in there since the end of the gathering--she had watched him slip in, and never come back out. She should be avoiding the den, in fact. She should be furious and focusing on other tasks to keep her mind busy.
But she wasn't going to see Oatstar.
She needed to see Eagleburn.
"--I didn't know what else to do."
As she slowly poked in her head, barely missing the apprentice skirting past her on catmint-fetching duty, she heard Oatstar's whisper.
"I understand, you were put into a difficult position," Eagleburn's reassuring, deep voice answered, soothing. Dappleddusk felt her lip curl at the sound of him reassuring that coward, but...
It was all an act, wasn't it?
Eagleburn knew exactly how to play into the tom cat's feelings, making him feel validated, but also further enmeshing them.
"Dappleddusk, you can come over. It's alright."
Foxdung. She forgot how keen his senses were with the absence of his sight.
Oatstar likewise seemed surprised, sitting upright in a shock as his interim deputy slunk forward. Head down, shoulders hunched, tail low, she looked ready to swat at Oatstar, and he shrunk back, no longer confident as he was outside. But she chose to sit, ears flat as her tail wrapped itself over her forepaws.
"So you heard?"
"All of it. A bit too much, actually."
Eagleburn seemed perfectly fine with it all by Dappleddusk's assessment, licking a paw and lifting it to groom his ears.
"I would have given everyone more than the night to settle their feelings, but I know, Oatstar, you were under pressure."
Oatstar looked away, shameful. Good, thought Dappleddusk, resisting the urge to sneer.
"In the morning, before the dawn patrol, let me speak with the clan. Let them address me as they need."
Dappleddusk and Oatstar both looked at Eagleburn in shared surprise.
"Are you a glutton for punishment?" asked Dappleddusk, incredulous. "They'll rip you to shreds!"
"And they won't feel at peace until they have a chance to do so," Eagleburn firmly replied. "Do you think Sandfeather will leave peacefully? Not only that, but if she leaves, you fracture an entire family of good cats who have been nothing but loyal to DawnClan. Sandfeather's grandmother was one of our founders when HillClan fell."
Ugh, he made a good point.
"Then, you are...?"
"I want to open a dialogue, and if Sandfeather, or any others, are not satisfied with that..."
He quieted, flexing his claws into his mossy bed.
"They can speak to me through their actions."
Unable to believe her ears, Dappleddusk stared.
"You're willing to risk getting killed in a fight so they can get over themselves?"
"I killed Bayspots. Even while it was self-defense, it is, as you said Oatstar, a sin and a smear on StarClan's face. How else should I show to Sandfeather that I truly seek redemption and forgiveness for committing the worst possible thing?"
Dappleddusk fell silent, and Oatstar, of course, had no good advice, only shifting nervously. Unfortunately, Eagleburn made a good point. While it was utterly insane, forcing Sandfeather to leave was far from a good idea, along with not letting her work through this anger and letting it simmer. They could see a civil war within their very clan.
"... Very well," Dappleddusk sighed. "I will do whatever I can to help."
Eagleburn's whiskers twitched, letting out a short purr.
"Thank you, Dappleddusk. Oatstar, are you okay with this?"
"Of course."
Dappleddusk loathed how quick he was to agree, glancing over at him. Oatstar's eyes were wholly on Eagleburn, however.
"Whatever you need."
Nodding, Eagleburn yawned.
"For now, both of you should get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a long day."
Never in her life had Brightstorm felt so many emotions. Not even when realizing she was bearing Eagleburn's kits. Not even when seeing Bayspots's corpse not too long ago. No, standing outside of the medicine cats' den with a thick lump in her throat, she could not even begin to define all of the feelings ripping through her.
The anguish, the worry, the fear--none of it was good.
"What is it, Brightstorm?"
Dappleddusk's voice split through her frantic thinking, and Brightstorm lifted copper eyes to meet the temporary deputy's fierce yellow gaze.
She bowed her head, nervousness making it easy to be subservient.
"Is it... okay if I have a word with Eagleburn?"
Dappleddusk eyed her with incredible scrutiny, which Brightstorm could not blame her for. Bayspots was her mate--was, oh how that term hurt her heart--and Eagleburn as her murderer should be the source of her ire. She was a likely suspect for any case of revenge against the tom cat.
"It's about his kits," she lied, thinking quick on her paws as she tentatively glanced up.
"It's fine, Mother."
Beewatcher surprised both she-cats as she pulled herself up to the maw of the den, her calm blue eyes studying Brightstorm. Brightstorm looked away. She didn't care for how knowing the younger she-cat's look was. How was it every other cat beside her had such wisdom and knowledge, while she felt like she was barely treading water?
"I'll have Primpaw watch them."
Dappleddusk didn't look wholly convinced, but when Beewatcher gently bumped her with her head, she conceded with a dramatic sigh, ears flattening.
"One wrong move, Brightstorm, and I'll let Oatstar know we have two cats under investigation," the she-cat growled, and with relief, Brightstorm quickly nodded.
"Of course, I understand," she meowed, shooting Beewatcher an appreciative glance. Much as she could not bear the fact that her secrets were perhaps not that well-concealed, she could not deny the fact that Beewatcher had done her a massive favor. Quietly making a mental note to bring the finest fresh kill to the medicine cats' den for the next moon, with another bow of her head, she slipped past Dappleddusk, and followed Beewatcher into the belly of the medicine cats' den.
"He's back there," Beewatcher instructed. "I need to check in on Sandfeather. Call Dappleddusk if you need any help."
Internally, Brightstorm winced. She had not forgotten her daughter's utter devastation. She had also not forgotten the dirty looks she had received when she had parted from Bayspots's vigil to head here, unable to sit all night with these questions gnawing at her. She should be a dutiful mother, monitoring her daughter's shock and consoling her other kits while managing her own grief, but as she slowly padded to the back of the den, she knew she wouldn't be able to focus on anything else but Eagleburn.
"What about Primpaw...?"
"I lied. I know you two need a moment of quiet by yourselves. As I said, call Dappleddusk if you need anything."
Caught between appreciation and guilt, Brightstorm nodded, watching Beewatcher take her leave. After a long moment, and a stabilizing deep breath, Brightstorm continued into the den.
As if awaiting her, the blind tom-cat was sitting neatly in one of the prepared beds, ears pricked forward and listening.
For a moment, her courage failed her, and Brightstorm stopped. Maybe she shouldn't know why this had happened. Perhaps it was better to believe Eagleburn.
"It's okay, Brightstorm."
The she-cat flinched as Eagleburn's gentle voice split the silence. Slowly peering up, she felt awash in guilt for how his words soothed her.
"Come and sit."
Tentatively, she found mobility again in her paws as she slowly slunk forward, maintaining some distance as she settled nearby, tail tucked tight over her forepaws.
"I assumed you would come."
Brightstorm didn't answer, still battling her guilt.
"I want you to know that none of this is your fault," gently Eagleburn continued, and Brightstorm looked elsewhere. "This was going to happen no matter what."
"... Did Bayspots know?"
Softly, Brightstorm finally spoke, but she still could not look at him.
"Had she found out?"
For a long, silent moment, Eagleburn did not answer, until finally, he said, "Yes. The moment the kits were brought back to camp, she knew."
Brightstorm thought the world would give away beneath her paws. How stupid was she to believe she could ever hide this betrayal from Bayspots? What a fool she was, convincing herself that somehow, she could raise these kits and keep her mate all at once. That... and she knew she would want to keep Eagleburn as well. She wanted it all. And StarClan punished her for it.
Breath hitching, trying not to sob, struggling as she was to hold back her tears, Eagleburn sensed what was coming without her making a single sound. Rising from his nest, Brightstorm knew she should pull away, knew she should deny this, especially as Bayspots's body was still cooling out in the clearing, but she couldn't help it. The warmth of his flank met hers, and she buried herself against him, hiding her face in the comforting nook of his broad shoulder as the first sob wracked through her.
"There was nothing you could have done," Eagleburn softly assured her, tail wrapping around Brightstorm. "It'll be better this way."
Better? How was any of this better? Her mate was dead, and not only was she dead, but she had died at the claws of her affair partner. She had died wounded by Brightstorm's betrayal. Brightstorm did not deserve 'better', but she couldn't bring herself to vocalize all of this guilt knotting so tight inside of her chest.
In the hush of the hollow leading out to the clan, Oatbright quivered under the evening leaf-bare sun. No warmth pierced his thick gray-striped pelt, and if anything, he felt especially chilled by the breeze.
Was it an omen from StarClan, that this was not the destiny he deserved?
With unseeing eyes, but keenly listening ears, Eagleburn betrayed no expression of whether or not he recognized his old friend's anxiety.
While in other circumstances, the sturdy, broad-shouldered tom cat would have brought a sense of stability to Oatbright, here and now, he found no sense of comfort.
Just a rising dread, like water filling his lungs.
"I know it's hard," Eagleburn tried again, gentler this time, "But you know the tradition. Darkstar is gone. You need to go to the Sky Splinter."
Oatbright's eyes shut tight.
Yes, this was true.
In the growing blue-grey dusk, they had found her.
Mangled and broken, the cruel fox that had stolen their leader from them hadn't even the grace to honor her life by taking her as a meal.
But, while none would speak it, it seemed an unfortunate and fitting end for a she-cat who had brought such senseless violence to her clan in her final moons.
An old scar on his cheek ached, long since healed, but the trauma from it still haunting him.
... Would he become like that? Like her?
Driven mad by slow-creeping grief until he hadn't realized his heart had frozen to his clanmates, making them enemies?
"Oatbright."
Eagleburn pushed his nose against Oatbright's shoulder, stirring him from his increasingly panicked thoughts.
"I-I'm sorry."
Within the entry hollow, guarded by thick brambles and rugged, curved vines, he could hear the increasingly worried mews of the clan cats within. They knew the tradition: their new leader needed to achieve StarClan's blessing as soon as possible.
They would be in disarray until then without the guiding paw of such a critical cat.
"... Okay."
Breathing in a long, steadying breath, it did little to ease Oatbright's nerves, but it was good to pretend he had found his composure in front of Eagleburn.
"I'm... I'm ready."
Watching Eagleburn's scarred face, waiting for a sign of doubt to flash through cloudy, blind eyes, no such signal came as the black tom bowed his head in acknowledgement, and led the way.
On trembling paws, after a beat of hesitation, Oatbright followed, deliberately measuring every step to not give off the aura of a frightened, nervous kit.
The gathered cats turned to them, and he felt their eyes piercing his pelt like thorns. Suntuft and Brightstorm huddled together, and he felt a pitying stab of pain in his heart.
The sisters were pillars of their clan and being closed to both the leader and the former deputy, who had also been their mother, he imagined this was hitting them the hardest.
Darkstar left no kits, and those two cats were likely the closest thing she had to kin.
"DawnClan, gather below the branches of the Great Oak!"
Summoning strength to his yowl, Oatbright bounded forth. It felt wrong to claim Darkstar's spot as he dug his claws into the well-marked bark of the oak tree she had proclaimed their gathering point.
Foggily, he could remember as a tiny kit watching in wonder as she rose into its branches, her sandy fur illuminated to a golden shine by the sun at her back.
Now, under a rising moon, Oatbright stood in her place, tail flagged high, and chest puffed out.
Even if he felt not a drop of courage in his blood, he had to fake it.
Surely, he thought to himself as he looked down upon his clan, Darkstar... She chose me for a reason. She saw something in me.
Eagleburn settled among the cats who slowly gathered. Even kits tumbled out of the nursery after their queen mothers, for this was a ritual all of DawnClan was to acknowledge, for it impacted them all.
Oatbright took another calming breath.
"As you all know, Darkstar has lost her final life," he meowed, and a ripple of sorrow pushed like a dark tide through the crowd. He did not acknowledge it, needing to maintain the little strength he had. "It is with great heartbreak that I announce this under StarClan's watch. Darkstar had brought us here to this new home, and never will her sacrifice, along with that of the other cats who came here, be forgotten."
Suntuft and Brightstorm shared a look, which Oatbright recognized.
Boulderfrost, their mother, had been by Darkstar's side the whole time of their journey as DawnClan's deputy. Her passing had signaled the beginning of the end of an era:
The loss of those who still remembered HillClan.
Oatbright shivered, chilled in his dawning realization that he was all that was left.
He had been nothing more than a scrap of fur, a kit barely able to find his own paws.
How could he carry on these memories when he himself could not remember them all?
"I will go to the Sky Splinter tonight to gain my nine lives," he continued, paws prickling as he thought of the impending journey, "Bismuthfang, Sapbeak, and Beaverpelt."
The mentioned cats straightened up in their spots, looking to their to-be crowned leader with expectant eyes.
"You will accompany me and stand watch as I share tongues with StarClan tonight."
Pausing, Oatbright felt the waiting eyes of his clan all the keener upon his pelt.
All the more distinctly did he feel the pressure of what Darkstar's death meant, and what she had done to him by appointing him as her deputy.
"... Eagleburn."
The blind tom lifted his head to acknowledge his leader, unseeing eyes fixed upon the point of his voice.
"Under the gaze of StarClan and Darkstar, you will be DawnClan's new deputy."
A new wave of voices coursed through the camp, but it was not of grief.
Eagleburn was a revered and praised warrior.
Even after losing his sight to a wayward hare, he had shown himself capable and strong, no different from a seeing warrior.
Not only was he Oatbright's closest compatriot, but he was esteemed among their peers.
He had been scarred by a snake and survived its poison after defending kits from its attack. He was the son of Slatespots and adoptive son of Creekberry, other pillars of their clan.
While he chose Eagleburn for wholly selfish reasons, Oatbright knew it would be easily masked as simply the wisest choice given Eagleburn's golden reputation and wisdom as a warrior.
Soft mews of congratulations pierced the heavy aura of grief and mixed feelings of the camp, as Oatbright was sure many of the cats felt similarly.
Darkstar was beloved, but she was not the same cat as she had once been in her dying days. Her growing madness impacted them all, and while they would grieve her, they would also look to the future.
"I know that Darkstar will approve, as will StarClan," Oatbright said, reciting from memory what he recalled from his own deputy announcement, "You have served this clan already for countless moons, and now more than ever is your wisdom and courage needed."
Eagleburn, expression unreadable, paused, and then bowed his head in acceptance.
It seemed he had known this was coming, and Oatbright felt a mild tug of guilt twist at his belly for not consulting his friend first on if he wanted this great responsibility on his shoulders.
But... He could not do this without him.
He needed him.
"Please see to the protection of the camp and myself and my patrol are out," Oatbright requested, and once Eagleburn nodded, Oatbright gave a flick of his tail-tip, signaling the gathering's end.
Help me, StarClan, Oatbright thought to the stars as he slowly eased his way down from the Great Oak to meet the warriors he summoned.
