Shared Experiences
Last week I lost a member of my family, my mom’s cousin Jim. He grew up with my mom and uncles. While I was privileged to grow up spending time with him at family reunions and extended family vacations, there was a bit of an age gap. We were not close.
I am still sad and it has been hard. If anything I am very close to his mom, my great-aunt, and his sister. So I’ve been doing what I can this week to help them process their own loss.
In doing so I have been able to revisit my own early grief journey with a new perspective. I’m nearly two years removed from the loss of my own brother tragically and it has not been an easy two years. For better or for worse I have been forever changed. I appreciate the metaphor about gluing together a broken vase in this moment. While the vase may retain its shape, it will forever be broken. That’s grief. Eventually you can repair the shape of your life, but it will forever be altered.
I am surprised in hindsight that my grief no longer weighs me down. It’s there, and surfaces in random moments and memories, but it is no longer a daily struggle.
And I am happy to be a guide for someone else in their journey. As I told my cousin Trish, I hate that we are in the club together, but here we are and here I am.
It makes me think that as cliché as the expression is, there is a reason for things that happen in our life that we may not understand. And while I sincerely doubt my brother passed to pave the way for me to counsel my cousin in her own grief, I know I can offer my experience and shine the way for her to move forward.
The collective shared experiences of others have gotten me through not just my loss, but many of life’s trials and tribulations. Even if details vary, enough can be shared to provide a glimmer of hope to the ones that come after you on the journey.
Take a moment to reflect on your experiences. Where are you able to offer a flashlight to someone struggling in the dark of life’s troubles? The journey we all take matters, and in the words of Ram Dass, “We’re all just walking each other home.”
