#earnestine tidalbaum

[brevetchronicle]

Brevet is going to the dog

Brevet has faced a lot of challenges. That means Mayor Harrell Wilty’s has too. It started with Brevet’s stagnant growth in our tax base. This fact was met with the sudden resignation of Deputy Mayor, Earnestine Tidalbaum, which according to our sources, caused a virtual shut down in the Mayor’s office. Then the pandemic hit. But Mayor Wilty is optimistic. One could say that he needs to be. He faces a tough challenger in his “former mentee” Tidalbaum [his phrase not ours]. Mayor Wilty believes he can turn Brevet’s hard times around with man’s best friend. A town mascot to be precise, by a very recognizable name.

We caught up with Mayor Wilty to ask why he chose Finni the Westie as the town’s mascot. 

Immediate identification and relationship. Everyone knows Finni. He was the brother of our town’s unofficial mascot Henri the Labrador (DECD.) Finni embodies our town! He’s cute all the time. When the Shelton-Walczak’s finally get around to having him groomed, he’s down-right show dog material. Brevet is competition worthy too (despite what Country Living has got to say about it!). He’s also got an edge to him. Just like Brevet again! We’re edgy. Did you know he once just started biting the shoe of a valet just because he was there? He had never done that before! It makes me laugh every time I hear that story and think about that valet looking down and seeing the Fancy Feast dog trying to gnaw through his leather with each bite. We know in this town people have the ability to bite also, despite our reputation for being Minnesota “nice.

We asked Mayor Wilty what he thought an official town mascot would do for Brevet?

Finni is something all Brevetarians can bond with and rally around. Finni also has great editorial presence and appeal. Once we pair him with the perfect town motto our brand will be set. We’ll be ready to market for the tourism we so desperately need. 

We asked Mayor Wilty when he would release the town motto entries and when we would know the process of how the town motto would be chosen . 

Your generation always wants to know about process. When I was growing up, we trusted our leaders to make the right decisons for us. Where has our collective trust gone? You should ask yourself that, instead of implying that I have something to hide. Because that is what you are doing. Frankly, it’s insulting!

We could tell that we were going to get no where with this current line of questioning so we asked about how big a role tourism will play in November’s election. 

I don’t know. But what I do know is that I have been working on my thirty-five point tourism plan well before Earnestine [Tidalbaum] decided to Judas and run against me. It would not surprise me if she took her campaign “ideas” to increase tourism from me, since she was privy to my plan when she was deputy mayor. That reminds me. I need  IP protection on that.

Wow. There still remains no love lost between the Mayor and his opponent Earnestine Tidalbaum. What do you all think about Finni being the town’s mascot? What do you think about the non-democratic way Finni was chosen? Let us know on Twitter at BrevetChronicle. 

[brevetchronicle]

Jaws. As Seen From the Porch. Both Bite.

It’s so good to be writing my column again. I missed y’all! And I know you missed me too (despite the lack of Get Better Soon cards). With Covid being done and all (at least for us with the good sense God gave us to get vaccinated), I thought it proper to resume my porch report. Oh for heaven’s sakes! That’s what I’ll call it, The Porch Report. Sounds real official like somethin that would be on Fox News. Anyhow, I told Harold, ‘Harold it’s time to bring the chairs out to the porch. Summer is here and Covid is over!’ Harold just looked at me and muttered somethin, that sounded like “I couldn't even catch a plague.” I just ignored him. He complains every year bout going to the garage and bring’n out the porch furniture. 

The first thing I noticed is that y’all are everywhere, like the birds at the start of spring. Our town looked so good! Particularly since Litty Emry and her “Beautification” Board didn’t get their hands on nature for almost two years, This gave God time to re-perfect, what that Board did during Covid. Now I seen her out there. And well...we can pray for another pandemic.

I noticed them Jenkins boys runnin around near the pavilion shoot’n off some of those Nurf guns. Would someone please take them hunting! Let’s get somethin productive from them, like some pheasant, duck or grouse. In all seriousness, God to heart, I wonder if those boys’ vaccinations even took? I know their momma got them vaccinated by Dr. Hopper. But they got so much of the devil in them, that good might have been rejected. Brevetarians be cautious around them boys. 

As I was taken in all that was good I saw Ed Hopper and his lovely wife holding hands in the town square. Then I asked Harold why we never hold hands. I didn’t hear what he said. He mumbles so much! But it was good to see Ed. I had heard that he almost went bankrupt during Covid.  Wasn’t no one drive’n. To where? That gas station of his was really hit hard financially. But by the grace Jesus gives, I think they’re all right. Ed if you’re reading this, ”We love you!” 

Then I seen those uppity Hayes walk’n about, which is rare. Before the pandemic you know they hated to mingle with us common folks. We can only hope that God’s pandemic finally showed them that everyone’s equal in the eyes of the Lord. No amount of money was going to save them from catch’n Covid if that was their fate. Now Lord knows I wasn’t wishing that on any of them. I’m just say’n. I’m really am happy the whole family is safe.  

Then I saw Earnestine, our ex-Deputy Mayor handing out what I could only assume was campaign literature. You’ll never believe it. I had to rub my eyes TWICE! I thought I seen things that wasn’t there. Was I hav’in a stroke?  No. It was real! Sissy Lipscolm was assisting her. Bad ol’ Sissy. If Earnestine can get that girl do’in something meaningful, she can work miracles for this town. She’s got my vote! 

I’ve got so much more to tell. But the Chronicle requires me to keep my views short. Keep readin for the next...Porch Report! 

If you have comments don’t forget to direct them on Twitter to @brevetchronicle​

[brevetchronicle]

No Town Motto but a Shot Heard Around Brevet

Things have come to a grinding halt in Mayor Wilty’s Town Motto Challenge, ever since Deputy Mayor Earnestine Tidalbaum resigned and announced her candidacy for Mayor elect this November. If you recall, all motto entries were to be directed at the now resigned Deputy Mayor, who was in charge of organizing said entries for review. But Earnestine Tidalbaum’s sudden departure is not the only thing that plagues Mayor Wilty’s contest. Our sources in City Hall tell us that a dearth of entries has left the Mayor with little if anything to consider, forcing him to come up with mottos himself to save face. Our contact has also told us there’s a large amount of wailing emanating from the Mayor’s office after hours. We reached out to the Mayor of an interview, which he declined. But he did pass along this statement:

“I have plenty to creative mottos to review. Brevetarians have definitely risen to the Town Motto Challenge that was placed in front of them. I’ve attached an entrant’s slogan which I fully expect to be published. Ms. Tidalbaum’s departure, on the other hand, has not affected; me, this office, nor the town’s vision, mission and values in any negative way. I can’t stress that enough. If anything Ms. Tidalbaum has shown herself to be an unreliable candidate for Mayor lacking the steadfastness needed for such an important position. As the kids say, ‘She’s a bailer.’” 

Mayor Wilty’s statement struck us as the first strike across the bow. We wondered if personal attacks were going to be the tone for this election season. To gain further insight we reached out to mayoral candidate Tidalbaum and asked for a comment on Mayor’s Wilty’s statement. She had this to say. 

I know what Michelle Obama said, ‘When they go low we go high.’ Nice words. But Hilary ultimately lost the election. We’ve learned a great deal from that...to fight fire with fire. Mayor Wilty is a blow hard. I should know, I’ve worked with him for two terms. And the people of Brevet know it too. That’s why they should elect me for Mayor in November. ‘Let’s bring intelligence and common sense back into the Mayor’s office.’ 

There’s your answer folks. We’re in for a battle royal for mayor. Is it appropriate? We’re living in a culture of extreme divisiveness. The hallmark of Brevet is that we’ve never been like our neighbors or the rest of the country. Should we be expecting more civility from our wannabe and elected officials? Let us know what you think on Twitter at @BrevetChronicle. 

The Slogan Mayor Wilty was referring to was this: 

Come for the Company Stay for the Rides!

Huh???