11 years ago on Good Friday (April 10,2009) I got pregnant with my little girl. 11 years now and I remember pretty much every single detail still. I was at my favorite local small coffee ☕️ shop, probably drinking a Chai , joking with my best friends, wearing a Zebra print mini dress from No Fear and texting her dad trying to convince him to come hangout. He wa super reluctant at first but then I was just being dumb & told him my super hot friend thought he was hot and wanted to hook up with him and how she’d be waiting for him wearing a short dress. Him fully aware it was me decided to show up and get me. He walked in and I was sitting on a couch waiting inside by myself because my friends had just left and he’s like “Hey you ready to go?”. Everything about that night was so hot, sexy and a total adrenaline rush. But I remember the goofiest shit about that night too, from him telling me he hoped I didn’t taste the sandwich 🥪 he had just ate because he had forgotten to brush his teeth, or him being goofy with my panties & then hanging them up in his truck 😂🤦🏼♀️, to cops busting some kids outside the window for underage drinking while we’re hooking up in the parking lot right next to them. To refusing to move and him refusing to let me drive his truck so he drove sitting on my lap🤷🏼♀️😝. Or saying I could give him hickies but only down below because he’d be playing Easter services all weekend. I can relive that night pretty perfectly. Honestly not just with him but another guy as well sometimes goofiness and being comfortable enough to be goofy during sex and not super serious is crazy hot and such a turn on for real. I wouldn’t change that night for anything, even knowing I’d accidentally leave my purse 👜 behind when he dropped me off and how just a few hours later he’d be totally his truck. I never thought I’d get pregnant 🤰 that night as we were safe about things and now looking back with all that I know now, she was definitely my Easter miracle. I still don’t even understand why things happen and why we had to lose her instead of being able to raise her but I’m so honored we were chosen to be her parents & have the time we did get to have with her even though it wasn’t nearly long enough for me. I don’t know why pretty much all odds at this point and what we even knew back then screamed impossible and unlikely yet I still got pregnant with her. I still carried her. I still had 27 weeks with her even though my body wasn’t made for conception let alone being able to carry her that long. It left him with so many questions, but the more I know and the more I think I’ve figured things out and this is the way things are the more questions I still have. I don’t know what to believe anymore about my body’s ability to conceive and carry to term beyond it be really difficult and uneasy but I also couldn’t part with the piece of me that carried my daughter, I may be in so much physical pain now but I can’t get rid of something I have that still is part of her and leave myself with no chance of conceiving naturally on my own. Constantly praying for healing and clarity.
