Characters who are transgender in the sense that they’ve lost their sense of self and they’re never getting it back. Their body is never going to be their own again. Hearing their own name is almost completely alien to them at this point. A stranger is stuck in their mirror, and all they want is to peel off their own skin and claw out their eyes and rip out their arms and chew off their legs and tear their face into shreds and bite and crush and maim and wreck and destroy and kill and kill and kill and KILL and KILL EVERYTHING THAT’S STILL THERE until there’s NOTHING left to look to to look back at them.
But they can’t. Because it’s theirs. Because it’s all they have anymore. And it’s all they’re ever going to get.
They just want to go back. They would give ANYTHING to go back, but that version of them is dead and buried. It’s already gone. Hell, they don’t know HOW long it’s been missing at this point. And even IF they manage to dig it back up, it doesn’t matter how deep they bury their face into what’s left of their own corpse, they’re never going to fit into their own skin again.
So they just have to live with it. They have to hear someone else’s voice grind against their throat when they talk and they have to feel the wind blow against someone else’s ears when they run and they have to pretend they’re still alive, somehow. They have to keep living, knowing they’ve already died, and maybe, one day, they’ll find some way to scramble it all together.
They don’t know what they are. They don’t have even the SLIGHTEST idea of what they want to be. But they know for certain what they aren’t.
