We all come to terms with our bodies in our own ways.
I grew up socialized female in the 80's to hate my body, but that's not the point of this story.
Last night I was at dance, Monday night ecstatic dance. I have not been working out much, and my body is crunchy and painful. The weather has changed recently, and this room with 20 ft tall vaulted ceilings and hardwood floor was actually quite chilly, in spite of the people moving around vigorously.
I danced for a while, Taiyesia was teaching, and she usually spins some good tunes. I'd warmed up enough, I thought, and for a little while I was extending, reaching, bending, twisting, moving more thoroughly than I have in weeks.
I started to feel it, a bit, old scar tissue conspiring against my fun and fluid motion, and I went into the side room to sit on a 🪑 chair, and try some self massage around my foot and ankle.
Someone who I'd called a "technomage" because she made the payment system work in the entry hall, checked in as she was walking past: "you okay?"
I grimaced. "Fine, just scar tissue and the change of the weather."
"Getting older SUCKS" was her instant reply, and I said
"Yeah maybe, but it fucking beats the alternative..."
She laughed short and surprised, said, "thanks for the reminder" and went back to dance.
I left a bit early, knowing I'd have way too much trouble getting back up off the floor if I sat down for the talking circle.
Came home, got some more food, added warm socks, sweater and my new fuzzy skeleton blanket, curled up in the armchair.
Thought for a moment about all the different ways a person can have a body: eight billion ways at this instant.
My way is the only right way for ME.
We all DO come to terms with our bodies in our own ways. What we need, what we want, what we're willing or able to tolerate, what we can't. The special care that we learn we need and how to give it to ourselves.
I'm proud of myself for one thing: that I've grown, trained myself out of, trash talking myself for being different from others. Being differently abled, than others in a class or a room or a gathering.
Last night was nice, and I'm sore again today, and I'll BE tender and SORE after most nights of dance. It's an improvement over being CRUNCHY and sore, though, with more strength and greater range of motion.
If you want to do more, you gotta DO MORE. build your capacity.