#edens diary

[gently-decaying-flowers]

Well there goes my ability to feel things

[gutbun]

8/25/18

gloomy

[gutbun]

9/5/18

overwhelming

[gutbun]

8/20/18

tiring

[accursedhex]

I wish I didn’t have to pay back what I never wanted in the first place. I wish that I wasn’t something to pick up, to be made into someone’s project. To owe them when I’m better. My entire life will be spent paying back something I can never afford.

A family that abandoned me.

A family that pitied me.

No matter how much I work.

I’ll never pay back these debts.

— An orphaned child.

— An adopted child.

— A child that should’ve been dead but forced to live.

[accursedhex]

Living Loveless . . .

It’s like forgetting to eat until you don’t even remember what hunger feels like.

You’re fine.

You can keep going like this.

There are no more hunger pangs to ignore, your body’s given up trying to tell you what you’re missing.

That is until you see someone else eat—

The smell of food having you salivate, your stomach twists and chews on itself. A hollowness radiating from your chest to the knots in the pit of your stomach.

Hunger.

I forgot what that felt like.

Love.

What does it taste like?

— I begin to eat my own flesh to fill the void.

[accursedhex]

I’m sorry,

I’m sorry,

I’m sorry.

This is all I have to offer.

I’m sorry.

Don’t ever forgive me.

— I am unworthy.

[accursedhex]

Please love me.

— How many times must I beg?