#edons world

[ex-angels-anonymous]

real conversation i suffered through with Ezekiel and Isaiah earlier.

e. haven't gotten a blowjob in... damn its been weeks man im waking up throbbing hard this shit is stupid *takes a sip of his beer, kicks his legs up on the table. he is wearing short little boxer briefs, a open, dirty robe he stole from Azazel weeks ago and has not washed, and his rick and morty sports bra + dirty calf socks i would sell an eye to get a chance to huff for 5 minutes*

i. i will literally suck your dick right now.

e. nooo youre gonna make me bust and i only have like 5 more days on no nut november

i. wait youre actually doing that. bro theres no way you-

e. im DOING it.

i. you really havent cum in 25 days?!

e. yeah.

i. why.

e. arseni said "do it you wont." and i couldnt pass up that challenge. also im getting paid.

i.... how are you holding up

e. see for yourself *lifts his thigh and shows the little wet spot in his boxers*

i had to leave the room. i couldnt take another second of it and im not going to lie the second he left the chapel i spent a good hour huffing his dirty laundry and rubbing myself stupid imagining him punishing me. so embarrassing and so bad, bad bad bad, shouldnt be doing that when he dont know but i cant help myselllllllllllf. i am going to go insane.

-edon

[ex-angels-anonymous]

i woke up. four in the morning. had slept for 1 hours. my first thought "ohhh i need belly rubs :(" what the fuck wrong with me im an angel from heaven

-edon

[ex-angels-anonymous]

aethriel is pissing me off so im going public: it is really into gooner porn.

- edon

[ex-angels-anonymous]

Edon and I are still working on getting it through its insecurities through its recovery (and it is almost recovered!!!)

Edon can be incredibly insecure which I do understand, I mean, it was repeatedly told that it was different that everyone else in a bad way for the majority of its existence.

But sometimes it makes me sad when I think about that it really struggles to understand that it is loved and wanted in a space, and it's okay that it needs help and care, like. It still averts its eyes when I see it looking at me and will regularly apologize for it. Like babe. You can look at me. I want you to look at me. It's okay. I think it was just conditioned really hard to not make eye contact, be like a piece of furniture, be allowed to exist in an environment only for the purposes of carrying out orders and being devoid of needs for itself and unobtrusive as possible otherwise. Minimize itself down. It struggles to fully allow itself to relax and just accept that yes I actually do want it close to me and no I don't have any problems with the way that it appears or the way that it is, it doesn't need to even think about any of that. And it also struggles to not get really embarrassed about admitting it has need of anything - food, rest, comfort, change of environment, doesn't matter. It'll be embarrassed and regularly refuse to tell anyone what it needs out of that embarrassment. This has led to some issues during the time I've been caring for it because like. How am I supposed to know you're, for example, in an uncomfortable position and want me to move the pillows around, if you're too embarrassed to tell me, you know.

I think things are doing a bit better now that it's mostly recovered from hellfire, I think it feels better and more confident in this new body, has been encouraged by its mobility getting better, and feels more secure as a demon. It definitely hasn't fixed the entire issue but I think Edon is heading in the right direction and definitely seems more comfortable now than before.

It also really really likes that our bodies fit together a lot easier when we cuddle to the point where it's too blissed out to be all that insecure. Edon has been curling up with me pretty much every night with its "head" area on my chest and holding me with all 3 of those arms, or curled around me ("guarding you" it says.) Back rubs go crazy like this it'll be purring and wagging its tail and drooling on me.

Speaking of the new body. Edon has gotten a good handle on walking now, but due to some spinal issues (residual prior wheel haver issue, pretty common with the type of demon that it is but. Due to the extent of infected tissue in its wheel before it lost it, its is definitely firmly in the "moderate" severity category) it benefits from using the cane it started using back when it was learning to walk sometimes. It has been getting around pretty good like that. The issue it has mainly is walking upright is pretty difficult, and walking on hands and feet isn't sustainable. Like it'll be in pain if it walks like that for too long even though it's easier, plus it needs to be able to use its hands. The cane helps. It's using the one it was given at one of its appointments with OFOD, but, I'm thinking about getting it another one, because for some fucking reason, it's got this handle with this shitty foam material on it which Edon has been picking at and making foam crumbs everywhere. I've caught it eating the foam crumbs when it gets bored, too.

All in all doing pretty well.

-Ezekiel

[ex-angels-anonymous]

i have a confession.

i still dont know or understand the alphabet. i learned to read by memorize the words and their meanings like a symbol for each and then put them together like how i talk. if i dont know a word i have to use voice text to look it up or have someone say it out loud and i have to memorize the way the word is written. its like that with latin for me too. i dont understand what people say when they say "sound out" a word. that doesnt make any sense to me. "sound out" a picture of a tree. do it. you cant. thats how it is for me.

i live in fear of arseni finding this out about me and then making me sit there and learn it the "right way" or whatever. dont want to. dont care.

also im pretty sure i just cant. ive tried.

-edon

[ex-angels-anonymous]

when i first started working for metabelle, she was very displeased with me immediately upon meeting me. she thought i was very ugly looking and that she didnt want to be seen next to me because i was detestable to her. i remember that she complained to the shelves management beings that were my superiors in the substitute throne program and said she was insulted that they would disgrace her by giving me to her and that she wanted "a different one."

but evidently the beings who run that program didnt like her either because they had no interest in humoring her and declined her ask.

she treated me horribly, as you know. i already did not have the best image of myself, but working for her definitely made it worse. it convinced me i was the lowest of the low, and that i was detestable, and the best that i could hope for was someone that would generally tolerate my existence and at least usually keep to themselves about what they thought about what i looked like and was like as a being, and not hurt me too much when they inevitably needed to beat me for something or another. i always expected that beings would not like me- the concept that a being could see me, know stuff about how i was, and still hold any positive feelings towards me past "it is useful for this specific task although i wish it were better/faster/different" was completely foreign to me.

so it was shocking to me when arseni didnt really hit me when i fucked up, just yelled, and it never really talked about anything related to what i looked like and didnt personally attack me for things most of the time because it didnt really give a fuck and it wasnt even into thrones. that was the highest kindness id ever experienced. that and it taking an interest in educating me, and treating me closer to a colleague rather than a servant. although it did still treat me like a servant a lot. i felt a great amount of loyalty to it and like i was also in a great amount of debt to it for treating me so needlessly kindly.

and then isaiah and aethriel treated me like a friend. i thought they were both crazy, because i couldnt consider that anyone would treat me the way they did unless there was something seriously wrong with them. at first i was really nervous that somehow i had unintentionally tricked them and that was why they were treating me nice, and i was very worried because i couldnt figure out what it was that i done to trick them, and i felt dually guilty about tricking them and also terrified that i would stop tricking them because i didnt even know what i was doing, and then the niceness would stop and they would be disgusted by me and be very angry with me. that didnt ever happen.

Ezekiel was the first being who ever treated me like i really really mattered to him deeply. like looked out for me and was kind and understanding and forgave me even when i did actually bad things. hes the first being who ever sat with me and explained to me that he really really loves me. ME, the wretched thing, ME. first being who ever took as much care as he did to ensure my comfort. ask what i want. listen to my incessant whining and say its ok to "vent" to him and he does not just tell me to shut up. i love aethriel and isaiah. i do. i love arseni too. but i have a special bond to Ezekiel and i would kill for him no questions asked. if someone hurt him they would never find their body. and yes i would do that for my other friends/lovers too. but i feel a special kind of primal rage burn in my chest when i see my human get mistreated. the only reason his father still lives is because he has told me he doesnt want me to hurt him, for example...

but there have been a few times i have been graciously allowed to defend my human with the violence he deserves. i can and will beat the fuck out of human beings on the street if they are harassing or threatening him which does happen sometimes. at one time i beat the fuck out of a demon who was touching my human when he had explicitly told her not to touch him and she did it anyway. broke her arm. fuck you. dont touch my human. i almost got arrested for it too but Ezekiel explained the situation to the legion guy who showed up took our side because why are you touching a being that didnt want to be touched of course his partner is going to hurt you. the fuck did you expect.

partner. i cant believe i have one of those. its incredible to me that he would stoop so low as to consider me a lover, my lowly self. never in a million years did i think i would end up with a partner.

he tells me i should think higher of myself. im trying. its just hard.

sometimes Ezekiel and arseni will cuddle together with me in between them in bed and when this happens i have often cried. because im happy because im safe. because these two beings are my favorite ones. my safety net. and i can feel so loved.

-edon

[ex-angels-anonymous]

sometimes aethriel will (affectionately) manhandle me, kind of like play fighting i guess, when i do something it thinks is funny or mildly "bad." it is like "ok edon you are going to jail now" and it used to grab my wheels and pull them together and press me into the wall and we would laugh about it and nobody would get a boner. ok im lieing but thats not important right now

whats important is that it did this recently and forgot about my middle arm and while it was pressing me into the wall (i stole a strawberry off its plate while we were joking with each other) i reached into its hip bag and stole $20. but it was really getting into it with me and grinding and rubbing on me and trying to tease me with its "ohh so sad you cannot have sex right now and you must wait, i am going to wreck you once you are healed" so i also stole isaiahs car keys that it had in its bag.

fast food restaurant drive through here i come

-edon

[ex-angels-anonymous]

i spoke before about how i was thinking of getting baptized due to my wheels, and thinking it would be a relief to have a form that did not have them. but i do mourn the loss of the only body id known for so long.

yes it was something i felt much shame about, at most times in heaven i would feel so ashamed of being the way i was that i would try not to make eye contact with anyone unless it was expected for respect purposes... i was embarrassed that i was so unusual in form with no spokes, only two wheels, funny little wings, my flame was not very bright, the list goes on.

that being said my body image got better as i spent more time on earth. learning that i could have pleasure with my body was very nice. experiencing praise and positive comments about myself was also very nice. i started to learn not to hate myself so much. but there were other issues with having wheels that led me in the direction of hoping i would not have them after hellfire - namely, my injuries and infection, but also, i wished so deeply to be able to curl up and sleep as comfortably as i saw other beings do it. to be able to lie close together with a being and cuddle with them closely, to rest my head on someones chest, to feel completely enveloped. to not have to always be reminded that i only existed to be a wheel on a chariot, to be a tool, and that i wasnt even a useful tool, i was discarded- all that.

yes me and Ezekiel had our ways. but i held much envy of when he would sleep beside isaiah or aethriel or arseni. i struggled to join them. they tried their best to include me but sometimes it was impossible.

and yes there are wheeled demons. very many are very proud of it, and they find their ways- ive been told that you can get very close together with and cuddle with another wheeled being in ways two non-wheel havers cannot. but i dont caaaare. im a humanfucker. what of it.

now that i am mostly healed from hellfire i feel pretty good. my wings still dont work yet theyre still drying out. But ohhhhohouoh now i get to be in the middle of the cuddle pile with the humans and aethriel (and sometimes arseni.) i can be warm and held from all directions. i can steal HOODIES!!!! i can walk around the chapel with my balls out. i can wear my collar around my neck. i can wear jewelry much easier- arseni gave me a piece i can put on my tail!!! and i can barely even see the spots where my eyes are missing!

that being said, 1 reason i miss having wheels is i have back pain now. i didnt have a back before. so this is coming at a shock to me. i think its because im learning to walk upright from not really doing that before except human form which is different. that and my form doesnt really let me comfortably walk upright or comfortably walk on all 6s, my body doesnt bend that way it wont let me be upright good posture im kinda bent. i think its like my divine punishment or something, "always to kneel and bend to those above you as you refused to in heaven" or some shit. whatever. im puppy i can sexualize this. my cane helps too.

also have way less mouths now. i used to be able to eat so much pussy & ass & suck so much dick at once and i cant anymore. now my limit is 2.

a small price to pay for my continued survival i guess.

-edon