Could you please write the exile comforting a crying and exhausted Atton?
I guess I could?? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯I had to do some mental gymnastics here so sorry if it turned out messy. I hope you like it, thank you so much for the prompt 💖
It has been a long but successful day. The civil war on Onderon ended before it could have truly begun, Illa had a chance to talk to Master Kavar, and the time for answers was within her grasp. She was both excited and anxious as she chose the Ebon Hawk’s next destination, then she took the co-pilot’s seat with a tiredbut satisfied sigh. The Exile turned to Atton as he started up the ship’s engines next to her. He was unusually quiet, and at first, the pilot seemed lost in thought and exhausted. The longer Illa looked, however, the more troubled he seemed.
The Exile trusted Atton with the task of leading the team she left on Dxun. They were meant to assault a Sith base the Mandalorians discovered. Later she heard that the base was the tomb of Freedon Nadd and that the mission was a success. The scoundrel on the other hand hasn’t spoken of it, in fact he barely said anything since Illa returned from Onderon. He seemed like his usual, somewhat cocky self when he greeted her, but to the Exile it seemed clearer with each moment that the mission has taken some toll on him.
‘Atton, are you alright?’ she called out to him once the ship jumped to lightspeed.
The pilot looked at her with confusion, as if he only noticed her presence now. ‘Yeah…yeah, I’m okay.’
‘Are you sure about that? You look a bit… disoriented.’
‘I’m fine,’ he spoke the words into the empty air separating them, trying to convince both Illa and himself. However, the defiance in his voice gave his lie away.
The Exile walked over to Atton. He turned away from her when he saw her approaching and frownedat the controls ahead of him instead.
‘Did something happen on Dxun?’ Illa gently placed her hand on the pilot’s shoulder. ‘You know you can talk to me about it if you want to.’
‘But I don’t want to,’ he answered through gritted teeth. ‘We won, that’s all that matters.’
‘Atton…’
The scoundrel stood up and swept the Exile’s hand away before she could say anything else. He looked her dead in the eye and Illa saw anger seething in his gaze. But at the same time, she knew, she felt that his anger wasn’t directed at her. A split second later his expression softened and the rage in his eyes turned to sadness instead.
‘Back in that tomb… there were these places, these spots barely larger than a few square feet, where the Dark Side was stronger than anywhere else,’ he looked away from the Exile for a moment before he continued. ‘I reached out to it and then I couldn’t turn away.’
Illa blinked at him perplexed and concerned. Atton scoffed and stepped away from her. He paced up and down in the cockpit, scratching a spot on the back of his head.
‘Is this the part where you tell me that I let you down?’ he asked. ‘Save your lectures, there is nothing you can say that I haven’t told myself already.’
‘Atton, you haven’t let me down, what makes you think that you have?’
The scoundrel’s eyes widened for a second then brushed the comment off and kept pacing on.
‘Do youreally think you failed me?’ Illa went on. ‘Or do you think you failed yourself?’
The Exile’s words stopped Atton in his tracks. He stooped slightly and let his head hang down in shame. He tried to ease the shaking of his hands by turning them into fists.
‘I… I’m tired of constantly fighting myself over everything. I just… wanted to prove myself. I thought that if I faced the Dark Side, if I was strong enough to fight it, then I…’ Atton stopped himself from going on. He bit his lip hard, trying to suppress the tears gathering in his eyes. ‘But I wasn’t strong enough,’ he laughed at himself as the first few tears rolled down his face, ‘I screwed up and I nearly jeopardized the whole damn mission because I had to act like a fucking idiot.’
Illa stepped to the pilot who couldn’t bring himself to look at her. She reached for his face and tried to gently raise his chin, to guide his gaze back to her.
‘Atton, you know this is not a battle that can be won so quickly,’ she said finally convincing the scoundrel meet her gaze, ‘and just because you feel defeated right now, doesn’t mean you have been defeated. The Dark Side has touched you but it hasn’t changed you. If you keep punishing yourself for it, you will only give it more power.’
‘I know,’he mumbled.
‘You will have plenty of chances to prove yourself…’
‘I know,’ Atton rolled his eyes at her.
‘…and until then I’ll be here for you. Whenever you need me.’
The scoundrel was left speechless for a few seconds. ‘You’re pretty lenient for a Jedi Master, you know that?’
Illa shrugged, then opened her arms invitingly. Atton accepted the hug and buriedhis face in the curve of the Exile’s neck. His embrace was tight, he grasped at Illa’s clothes as if he was scared she would disappear. But she wasn’t planning on going anywhere. She slipped her fingers into the pilot’s hair and caressed his back with her other hand until she felt the last of the tears on her skin and Atton’s breathing was as slow as her strokes along his spine. A few moments later the scoundrel let go of Illa and left to wash his face, feeling a little less hopeless.
