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Men historically refused to do housework, in fear that women would find them less attractive for showing submissive traits.

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I'm legitimately curious about how many followers I've lost since I've been posting This anti feminism, pro men stuff. Guess I'm weeding out the bad

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I Don’t Trust Men

A couple years ago I wrote down this honest, personal reflection on gender, my father, and distrust of men. I had no intention of sharing it at the time, but I think this blog is the place for it. I started writing as if I was explaining it to someone, as if someone had asked me the question, are you afraid of men?

Yes. I am afraid. I distrust men.

Here’s a quotation about that distrust, from a blog called Shakesville. “My mistrust is not, as one might expect, primarily a result of the violent acts done on my body, nor the vicious humiliations done to my dignity. It is, instead, born of the multitude of mundane betrayals that mark my every relationship with a man—the casual rape joke, the use of a female slur, the careless demonization of the feminine in everyday conversation, the accusations of overreaction, the eyerolling and exasperated sighs in response to polite requests to please not use misogynist epithets in my presence or to please use non-gendered language (“humankind”).

There are the jokes about women, about wives, about mothers, about raising daughters, about female bosses. They are told in my presence by men who are meant to care about me, just to get a rise out of me, as though I am meant to find funny a reminder of my second-class status. I am meant to ignore that this is a bullying tactic, that the men telling these jokes derive their amusement specifically from knowing they upset me, piss me off, hurt me. They tell them and I can laugh, and they can thus feel superior, or I can not laugh, and they can thus feel superior. Heads they win, tails I lose. I am used as a prop in an ongoing game of patriarchal posturing, and then I am meant to believe it is true when some of the men who enjoy this sport, in which I am their pawn, tell me, “I love you.” I love you, my daughter. I love you, my niece. I love you, my friend. I am meant to trust these words.”

and further in the article:

“I hope those men will hear me when I say, again, I do not hate you. I mistrust you. You can tell yourselves that's a problem with me, some inherent flaw, some evidence that I am fucked up and broken and weird; you can choose to believe that the women in your lives are nothing like me. Or you can be vigilant, can make yourselves trustworthy. Every day.”

When did I begin to distrust men? As a very small child. I was shy and didn’t like talking to strange adults in general, but I was especially afraid of men. Especially the ones who thought I was cute and said terrible things about wishing they could take me with them. Worst nightmare for a 3 year old. I don’t remember anything actually dangerous. It’s not that anyone abused me, they were just big ugly men, and I didn’t want to be anywhere near them, and I didn’t want them to squat down and get their face closer to me and say patronizing things about my cuteness, and ask me how old I was when my mom just told them how old I was. It made me not want to be cute. Being cute was terrible. I went through a phase where I strongly objected to being called cute.

What about your dad? Don’t you trust your dad? Well my dad is a good man. And I am not afraid of my dad. But I don’t trust him. I don’t trust him because when he reads christian books about gender that say things like, “men should protect and provide and be super manly and take care of their precious daughters until they get married,” he gets warm fuzzies and feels very valiant. Also he says things like, “I just don’t like it when women try to be men.” What even does that mean? I don’t think he knows what he means when he says that, but what I hear is that he may disapprove of me. I don’t do “feminine” very often or very well. I intend to protect and provide for myself, and I don’t like babies and I don’t wear dresses well because I’m muscular. I am assertive and I speak my mind and I think women should be CEO’s or preachers or bodybuilders or whatever they want. So am I “trying to be a man”? No! I know that I am not truly trying to be a man; I am just trying to be myself. But that’s the only meaning I can think of for “women trying to be men.” It presupposes that women are a certain way and shouldn’t be otherwise, and it’s a terrible transgression to be different. And I’m different, so I’m a transgressor. Does my dad see me this way? I don’t know. So I distrust him. He can’t possibly mean that, I don’t want him to mean that, but what else would he mean by saying that? One time I showed him a picture of me doing some crazy yoga thing that requires a lot of strength. He laughed and said, “I wonder what it’s like to have a normal daughter.” I asked what he meant by that, and he really didn’t know.

The weird thing is, mom and dad didn’t raise me and and my brother different from each other based on our gender. We were both educated and prepared for college and encouraged to do anything God wanted us to do. Sports and science were not pushed on my brother. Dolls and cooking were not pushed on me. We both liked blocks and art projects and dinosaurs and adventure stories. So why does my dad say, “I just don’t like it when women try to be men”? Why does he like the sound of books that tell him daughters are his precious little vulnerable things that must be protected and provided for until they are married? He told me about this book and what it said and how he felt all heroic. I challenged that silliness and pointed out that he would do exactly the same for my brother as he would for me. It’s not like he cuts his son off from help because he is a boy, is it? no. of course not. He would do anything to help him, just as he would do anything to help me. It’s not a gendered thing. He is our dad and he loves us and he will help us out if we need it. My dad agreed that was indeed true. In actuality, he would not treat us different because of our gender. So I am grateful for that. But I distrust still, because his sentiments lead him to heroically imagine me as some kind of a helpless-virgin-delicate-flower-object that needs him to keep his sword drawn in her defense. A. I’m not that kind of a thing, and B. Well, I’m not a thing.

I love my dad and everything, but there is another bigger thing. When he could’ve stood up for me and my mom, he didn’t.

That is the biggest reason that I don’t trust my dad, even though he is a good and loving man. Our church went through a phase of trying to establish “biblical leadership” which to the male leadership at the time meant, surprise, exclusive male leadership. It got pretty horrible and sexist and we women had no voice at all, he didn’t stand up for us. He went along with it and didn’t stand up for us. I remember being so disappointed in him, one day in high school. Some bit of drama was happening, I think a woman was kicked out of a teaching position or something, and my dad was a deacon, one of the leaders, he was in a position to speak up. But he was silent. He came back from a deacon meeting, not happy with the direction leadership was going, and I said “Well why didn’t you say something?” I kind of yelled it I think. I don’t know why he never stood up for us. But at least he finally left that church. He is a quieter sort who thinks and speaks slower than me, my mom, and brother. He’s not the aggressive, argumentative type, who challenges people to their face. He humbly goes about his business, which is good, except when circumstances call you to stand up and speak against injustice, and to give a voice to those who don’t have a voice. He couldn’t do that. He doesn’t change much, and doesn’t do well with change, and so I guess he is also not so good at calling for change. I love him and I know he loves me and would do anything for me, but I can’t trust him.

Does my distrust of men affect my view of God? I’ve been told that your relationship with your parents affects how you view God. I do love God and I know he loves me. But when it comes to being a woman, and reading the bible containing masculine pronouns for God, and only male writers, and so much patriarchy, I don’t know what to do. I cry. Maybe I distrust too. If God wouldn’t make the Bible more obviously affirming of women, why would he affirm me?

God, how do I get through this? I feel betrayed. Of anyone, you are in the best position to stand up for me and for women, so why? You died for me, so if you love me enough to die for me, why don’t you love me enough to make a Bible that affirms the equal value of women so clearly that no one can deny it? Why don’t you love me enough to make your scriptures such that they can’t be used to oppress women? Dying is a nice dramatic gesture and all, but what good is that if your scriptures are only for men? yeah, you talked to the Woman at the Well and yeah you let Mary sit at your feet and listen with the men, but why were women still on the outskirts? why were the 12 disciples all men? Why are they “fishers of men”? Why are you a man? You love me enough to save me but what kind of salvation is that, when I’m still a second-class human in your church? The Bible makes women less central, important, and valuable to your story than men. Why? This is where I am. This is what hurts.

Now two years after I wrote this, I live in the midwest where religious sexism is rampant, so I don’t go to church. I do a lot of badass things that “normal daughters” don’t do, like teach handstand workshops and lift heavy shit and discuss German philosophers at dinner parties. I’m a yoga teacher, and in that community I am a teacher and leader along with other women. I am a Crossfit coach, and in that community I am strong and muscular along with other women. With all the goodness in my life right now, I don’t miss church. I don’t miss being segregated into “women’s ministry.” I don’t miss feeling out of place as an unmarried woman. I don’t miss seeing only men on stage. I don’t miss lectures on modesty. I don’t miss discussions of “women’s roles.” I love Jesus and believe what he says, but I can’t be a “normal daughter.” Because those are a myth anyway. I’m gonna be where I can flourish.

#feminism #Christianity #millenials #egaltarian #complementarianism #gender #biblical gender roles #Bible #women #fathers #daughters

I see a lot of people trying to make fun of egalitarianism.... What the fuck is so funny? Is believing that everyone should be treated equally regardless of social status, gender, or sexual orientation wrong? Is believing that everyone has a right to have a job, vote, and go to school wrong? Is equality a joke to you? Didn't think so. Stop fucking laughing.