Has this ever happened to you?
You’re moping around your wannabe punk aunt’s shambolic Chelsea flat, James Blake blaring, when you begin to feel a little peckish. You’re blessedly alone and go in search of a snack in the depths of the sofa.
You’ve just caught yourself a nice, juicy rat, but before you can make that first swipe of your knife into the soft, warm, blood-filled neck, your imagination is flooded with delectable visions of blue eyes and bronze curls…
...and you find yourself haunted, not by the wraiths of your ancestral Victorian manor house, but by a thirst you can’t ever seem to quench.
Never again!
Introducing Erotic Grope Fest!
EGF is a revolutionary product that contains SnowBaz, a groundbreaking active ingredient, developed through countless hours of research to deliver instant relief to even the emo-est of shits. EGF features a unique blend of vitamins and minerals to nourish your body as well as your mind, including:
getting together
pwp
love confessions
mutual pining
established relationship
fluff
angst
crack
au
and many more!
Plus, EGF comes in a variety of flavours:
fic
art
playlist
song
podfic
meme
moodboard—we have something to tickle even the trickiest of tongues!
EGF is flexible enough to fit into any lifestyle with:
fast acting One-Shot
extended release 5+1
even long lasting Multi-Chapter!
We’re so confident you’ll love EGF, we’re giving it away for free! Now you can try EGF for yourself and not pay a penny!
EGF is not sold in stores and this special offer is only available for a limited time—act now for delivery Feb 14-24. Moderators are standing by. Visit erotic-grope-fest.tumblr.com for more details.
Erotic Grope Fest—it’s everything you imagined—and more!
*These claims have not been verified. Results may vary. Side effects may include: loss of sleep; missed deadlines; dehydration; malnourishment; eye strain; cavalierly neglecting all of your body's most basic needs for survival while you wait for those two splendid morons to smash their faces and bits together. Must be 18 years of age or older. Always consult your fanwork provider before starting a new emotional support program.










