Nov 26, 2020
Nikki Giovanni, from “Ego Tripping”
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Nikki Giovanni, from “Ego Tripping”
EGO TRIPPING×lynch. / ARROWHEAD TRACK JACKET
“Ego Tripping”
To end Black History Month, I perform Ego Trippin' by Nikki Giovanni.
'Ego tripping!' by Nikki Giovanni
big long ego trip below. I need to get it out of my system. nothing in this is to be taken seriously, and I just need to vent out my frustrations in a way that won't hurt people.
I don't think any of you realise just how much I do for you people. I burn my paycheque giving you money, I burned my time writing for you people, I have gone out of my way to travel several dozen hours to see you people, I have watched films and read books and went to therapy to be a better person for you people, I maintain a job I hate in a company I detest just to hold some semblance of normalcy for you people, I have done countless pieces of art for you people, permanently damaged my body for you people, wasted my hours on listening to your woes and giving you love and support for you people.
What more do you people want from me? What more can I fucking give, what more can I fucking do? I've done everything in my power to grow and change, and where have you people left me? Alone, that's where, alone and miserable and bitter and angry. I go through hell, absolute hell, a hell unto itself for you people, and I get made a mockery of, I get passing well-wishers and hand-wringers. The lot of you, ungrateful, unerring, unfettered in your bull-rush to look after number one, and you don't give a shit about the person who helped you get there.
I'm so fucking tired. So fucking tired of being nice, and complacent, and beating myself up. I'm tired of whipping myself for people who will never appreciate or acknowledge me. I'm tired of playing second fiddle to you people, being your support in every crisis and hour of need, because where are you people when I'm staring down the blade of the knife? Nowhere. And none of you care. So be it! The only person that cares for me is me! And I'll live out of spite and malice and anger and hurt and misery. I've bore the lot of your burdens for too long. I reject this thing in me, this empathy, this kindness, because humanity is a lost cause, and I reject it, and I will reject you all.
Because I am fucking better than you. Smarter than you all. I've endured more than you all ever could. And I'm tired of pretending I'm not. I'm sick to death of repugnant, miserable shit-heels who don't know their place and can't understand how important I am. I can predict exactly how all of you awful fucks just how your life would go without me to fix it: dead in a few weeks by your own damned hands.
Fit check or whatever the fuck people say
Alright. Lets see what wisdom drunk-me can pass on.
I feel like a cat. Every single action is performative; every action should illicit a precise reaction. I'm a mover and a shaker. I didn't mean to do it. But suddenly I've got a following. We're gonna make a difference. I run this shit.
So, as we've seen, I am incomprehensibly in control. Everything else falls in line or perishes.