Reader is an eldritch being who once took care of Arlecchino when they were just a baby, but saw that they were too different and they weren't able to properly raise her, so with a heavy heart, they left her at a home, also let's change her backstory a bit, so reader left her at a home who took care of her for a bit, up until they died and she was then transferred into the House of Hearth, then after that nothing changed, anyways, after many years she meets reader, but they are in the form of a younger effeminate man that slightly looks like a of relative to Arlecchino, and the only reason she knows it is reader is cause of a certain feeling she distinctly knows from certain memories she would remember as a baby seeing a gigantic spider carrying her around attempting to be her parent, and it seemed a bit too real to be a simple dream, but there was always a lingering feeling of happiness when she wakes up, btw the reason why in her perspective reader looks like a gigantic spider is cause she really likes spiders and it was the only thing her brain could comprehend reader as at the time, anyways, so they meet and Reader is worried that she doesn't recognize him, but she does, so he literally almost bursts in happiness, he flashed everyone around him and her in a gold light making them blind, lmao, but he reverses the damage and takes out those memories of it happening to them, anyways after a bit they talk and so on about Arlecchino's life, which reader was very sad about since he didn't know the people he left her with originally died, after a while reader meets the children at House Hearth, and he looks excited as he looks at the children then turns to Arlecchino saying "These are your little ones, they look so cute!" And he's just squeezing their cheeks, patting their heads happily as he comments on how cute they are, and overall being very affectionate and happy with them.
Also sorry if I confuse you and if I keep changing the orphanage's name that Arlecchino now runs-
Even Monsters Make Good Parents
Summary: Arlecchino always thought the memories were dreams—strange lullabies, too many limbs, warmth that didn’t make sense. But when you return—an eldritch being once tasked with keeping her safe, long vanished and long mourned—those dreams become reality. What follows is not rage or horror, but a quiet, surreal reunion filled with soft webbing, awkward apologies, and the odd comfort of watching you dote on her adopted children like a long-lost spider relative. You couldn’t stay before, but now? You want to try again.
Tags: Arlecchino x Male!Reader, Eldritch!Reader, Reader is Not Human, Found Family, Reunion, Soft Angst, Surreal Fluff, Parental Themes, Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet Happy Ending, Gentle Comedy, Protective, Wholesome Monster Content, Spider Imagery, Memory & Dreams.
Warnings: Mentions of childhood abandonment (non-malicious), Brief reference to parental death/house fire (off-screen, not graphic), Non-human/eldritch themes, Mild emotional hurt/comfort.
She always thought it was a dream.
That warm cocoon of safety from when she was very small—before names, before pain, before the cold reality of the world carved her into the slicing machine she is today. The memory lingered like a phantom touch: a gentle hum, a lullaby in a language that made her bones vibrate, and the embrace of limbs—too many to be human.
Spindly, gentle limbs. Like a spider’s legs.
She liked spiders.
So when she dreamed of the gigantic creature that once cradled her in webs of starlight, she didn’t scream. She felt… safe.
Even now, in the Hotel Bouffes d’Été, in her sharp suits and sharper words, she sometimes woke with that same warmth wrapped around her chest. A sense of belonging that had no origin. The little ones at the House of the Hearth never asked about her dreams, and she never told them.
It wasn’t real. Probably.
Until you walked in.
You arrived like an echo from a different dimension.
Not loud. Not demanding. You simply were—like something the world had misplaced and was only now remembering. Your presence bent the light, made the air seem thinner, made her heart pause in its rhythm.
She didn’t recognize your face—couldn’t, really. It was like looking into something trying to appear human, like a relative remembered from a dream. But it wasn’t your shape that mattered.
It was the feeling.
A pulse. A pull. The same warmth from her oldest, most impossible memory.
You stood quietly in the hall, like a visitor hesitating on the threshold of a long-abandoned home.
“…You don’t recognize me?” you asked gently, like you didn’t want to hope.
Her eyes narrowed. “I do.”
You blinked. Then your face lit up, blooming into pure, unrestrained joy.
“You— you do?!”
Light exploded from you like a burst of gold.
It was so bright several staff members outside screamed. The kids in the upper hall went temporarily blind. One poor cat in the courtyard saw heaven and came back crankier than ever.
Arlecchino blinked once. “You’re still dramatic, I see.”
You immediately panicked, motioning in wide, frantic gestures. “Oops—wait—no, sorry! Sorry!” In an instant, you pulled the memory of the flash from every nearby mind like threads from a tapestry, rewinding time just enough to erase the chaos.
She raised a brow. “Is that necessary?”
You coughed. “I got excited. My bad.”
She studied you carefully, her expression unreadable. “...You’re the spider.”
A pause. You nodded slowly. “Technically, no. But that’s… how your infant mind made sense of me. So… yes. I suppose I was.”
“You carried me.”
“You liked to be upside-down in my webs,” you said quietly. “I sang to you in a language no one remembers. You always fell asleep with your cheek against my chest.”
“…Why did you leave?”
Your glow softened, dimming like a sunset pulled into itself.
“I was… too different,” you whispered. “Too strange. I couldn’t speak your language properly. I couldn’t cradle you like others could. You cried and I didn’t know why. So I found a family—good people—who could raise you better. I stayed close. I watched. I thought you were safe. But then…”
She looked away.
“They died,” she said flatly. “There was a fire. The neighbors didn’t come in time.”
“I didn’t know,” you said, voice breaking. “If I had—if I had known, I would’ve—”
“Stop.”
The word wasn’t cruel. Just tired.
Then, after a pause:
“…You tried.”
You looked up, tentative. “You forgive me?”
“No,” she replied. “But I understand.”
Something in you trembled.
“I thought you might hate me.”
“I did. Then I dreamt of you. Over and over. Your legs, your humming, your webs. I woke up happy. Couldn’t explain why.”
You let out a quiet, almost teary laugh. “I guess I made an impression.”
“Not many spiders sing lullabies,” she replied.
Later, you walked with her through the House of the Hearth. You asked to meet the children—her little ones.
She hesitated, then led the way.
When you stepped into the children’s wing, your expression shifted instantly to delight, as though you’d stepped into a hidden grove of blooming flowers.
“These are your little ones?” you said, clasping your hands together like someone seeing baby stars. “They’re so cute!”
“Don’t scare them,” Arlecchino warned flatly.
But you were already kneeling down, softly aglow, eyes wide as you looked at each child like they were the most delicate and divine creatures in the world.
“This one has tiny fangs!” you cooed. “And this one has sleepy eyes—just like you used to have!”
A small boy stared at you suspiciously. “Are you Father's brother?”
“Something like that,” you said with a grin, squishing his cheek gently. “She used to chew on my hair when she was a baby, did you know that? Wouldn’t let go.”
Arlecchino groaned softly. “You’re making that up.”
“They don’t have to know that,” you whispered conspiratorially, patting three heads at once.
You turned back to her, your expression softened—less cosmic, more human. Less glowing god, more proud guardian.
“You did it,” you said quietly. “You became what I couldn’t. I thought I’d lost you forever… but you found them. You made a family.”
She folded her arms, averting her gaze. “…They’re not mine. Not really.”
“They are,” you said, “because you love them. And because they are safe with you.”
A long silence passed between you.
Then:
“…You’re still a terrible singer.”
You smirked. “And you still have terrible taste in sleepwear.”
The children looked between you two with big, confused eyes—half in awe, half unsure whether they were supposed to laugh or leave.
That night, after the children had gone to bed, you left a thread on her windowsill—silver, delicate, folded into the shape of a small heart.
She never told anyone she kept it under her pillow.
And sometimes, when sleep took her, she dreamed of limbs rocking her gently again—only now, they were joined by smaller limbs.
I am stressed as hell right now with everything going on in the US so Imma going to write what I think some of my favorite killers are like when they're darling reader comes to them stressed as hell. Many of them are going to be readers I've already written about at least once so feel free to check the masterlist. If you want more head canons feel free to ask.
The Knight is startled when Eldritch!reader asks to just cuddle, you're smaller then usual body tense and when he touches your skin he can feel the hidden shadows trying to pull him in. "Anything for you Szeretet," he whispers picking you up and holding you against his chest. He takes you to his bed though it looks more like the nest you have in your castle then an actual bed. You smile realizing he's slowly bringing pieces of you in. He doesn't find himself worthy of you, but if you insist on asking him for comfort it would be his honor to provide it.
The Ghostface is confused as hell watching Hyde!reader pacing the room. You're killer side is usually scarily calm most of the time. However you look ready to lash out. Ready to pounce and shred the next person who so much as looks at you. You turn around seeing him there and he was bracing himself to get rushed and pinned against the wall, but it never came. Instead he watches you slowly move to him picking him up holding him in your arms as you move to the couch slumping down. You don't say anything to him, but you do hold him almost painfully tight against your chest. "Everything alright?" He asks you. Not sure how to feel about the non-committal grunt you give.
The Hillbilly doesn't think twice already wrapping you tight in the warmest knit blanket he's got, he's got popcorn, hot cocoa, and all the sweets you can gorge yourself on. Your favorite movie is on and he's just enjoying your company as you both lay on the couch, though if you don't calm down he might be inclined to help his little critter out by using other methods of getting your brain to shut down.
The Trapper doesn't react much just pulls you into bed and asks you to just speak. It doesn't matter if he understands he just wants to listen. He wants to hear everything, wants to make sure you feel heard. He smiles when you finally break your worries spilling like a faucet as he takes everything in asking questions when you pause. You seem at ease once you're done looking so peaceful tucked up under his arm. His Brat looks so sweet when they lay in bed next to him so peacefully. Burden him will you, it makes him feel less alone to hear you. Makes him feel lighter when he helps you share the emotional load.
The Executioner is use to it. You're already stressed about this and that. You aren't dating, but he does know how to get you calm down, you pinned beneath him in the bed as he humps against your ass. So fucking perfect he thinks feeling you melt against his touch. Such a needy toy, maybe he'll force you on your knees as he sharpens his knife, your face pressed against his thigh nose buried into his clothed groin. You're surrounded by his musk and for some reason that pacifies you. Not that pyramid head can complain.
The legion, they're solution to everything is horror movies and cuddle puddle. The neediest person in the center of the puddle a killer in each arm, a third holding behind while the fourth finds himself between your legs. The look smug when they finally get you to sleep. Your snoring soothing. It isn't long before they're passed out too.
He had multiple memories of his encounters with you but he was always uncertain on which one was actually the truth. Now that he thought about it, this feeling of skepticism was most definitely your doing or atleast was because of you in general.
Who would've guessed?
Many of his memories conflicted with one another, some has him recognize you since his childhood while others depicted your first meeting as an event that happened somewhere during his teenage years.
And even those were inconsistent, he still hasn't figured out wether you both met in that old cabin near the creek or at the playground when he snuck out at night.
To be honest, he doesn't really know what you are, were you even real or something he had made up due to his less than ideal childhood? Everyone sure doesn't seem to notice no matter how close you were.
Then again, the damage you leave behind were definitely real.
♤ ♡ ◇ ♧
The rain was something he never really liked.
It always gave him the feeling of being even more isolated than he already was, which he'd much rather avoid really.
Not that he had a horrible childhood, compared to many others he would say that he had a decent one. He wasn't picked last in sports, his parents cared somewhat, and he had a few pals that he still talked to.
It's just that, he always felt as if he couldn't fully opened up without being judged, no matter how many times they say otherwise, he knows they would.
Everyone did, and that was what he thought,l—he'll never find anyone who would just not care about who he is. So maybe it was better to just suck it up and follow the crowd.
That was until You came into his life.
When was the last time he had something meaningful? Maintaining something has not been something he was ever good at, be it items or relationships—he'd always manage to ruin everything.
His first partner left him because he was too distant and cold.
His second left him because he was too clingy and open.
And his third...
...
Maybe it's better to just not mention them.
Through thick and thin, no one in his life never really stuck with him, even those closest to him really only managed a few encouraging words and not much else when he was going through his worst.
But atleast You stuck around.
...
Is it a bad thing? Probably.
...
Does he care?
...
No.
♤ ♡ ◇ ♧
The place was dark, humid, and somewhere he'd rather not be.
Not that he had a choice, it was either he wait out the rain in this grimy shack or risk catching a cold and ended up not coming to school.
He never thinks before doing something, it's practically engrained into his psyche with the amount of times he gotten himself dragged into similar situations. The only reason he's stuck right now was because he wanted to catch that rabbit he caught a glimpse of.
Extremely stupid in retrospect but what has been done is done.
Humming along to a familiar tune, he wondered how long this specific rain would last—they all vary in length don't they?
A creek came from somewhere in the dark, making him pause.
He turned around and was met with a sight.
Oh what a sight it was.
♤ ♡ ◇ ♧
"Hey?"
He blinked, annoyed that someone managed to surprise him when his guard was down.
"What." A gruff voice came out, a bit harsher than he intended to but it gets the message across all the same.
"The guy wants to see you, for the interview?"
Again, he blinked—then suddenly stood up.
The person was understandably surprised, especially with how fast he did so.
And without another word, he turned and entered.
...
"...Christ."
♤ ♡ ◇ ♧
Blood smeared the walls and ceiling, guts was littered everywhere, and what remained of whatever creature was being devoured laid motionless on the floor.
Someone, something, stood before him. Their abyssal gaze piercing into his soul.
He moved, or tried to—quickly realizing that making any sort of movements was futile as his very essence was frozen to the core.
To say it looked human would be a great overstatement, other than having 2 legs and what appears to be a pair of arms, there was barely anything human about the thing.
It was abnormally tall, it's head reaching the ceiling despite being hunched over. An ominous shadow covered it's face with only two sharp (Color) eyes being visible. The claws that had replaced where it's arms would have been had some sort of thick plating on it, which reflected the dim lighting, looking almost metallic.
It wore a long-sleeved dark grey sweater with a simple skirt of similar color that reached it's calves.
A complete mockery of a human.
♤ ♡ ◇ ♧
"Thomas Woodsman, correct?"
He nodded.
The interviewer gave him a glance before readjusting their glasses to read the paper in front of them.
"Mister Woodsman, i'm sure you understand what we do here? Seeing that you came here from our training program."
A nod.
"Alright, that makes things easier on our end. You'll be sharing a room with two other new hires, so we hope you can get along, teamwork is what keeps people alive during any unwanted events."
Another nod.
"Just make sure to follow protocol, listen to those with higher clearance, and try not to cause a breach."
Again.
"...Welcome to the Foundation."
♤ ♡ ◇ ♧
A/N: Hiii, this is a much older piece i wrote last year—as you can tell it's gonna be very inconsistent in personality and lore, it's pretty experimental and if y'all don't like it i'll just stick it to this one fic.
Let me know what you think and thank you for reading!
Fear boners are an actual thing— Simon realized it until now, feeling your cold nose rubbing against his neck, small pants leaving your lips as you sniff him up. How do you respond when a creature materializes itself into your room and climbs over you, pinning you down and simply sniffing you like a search dog? He's never been in a similar situation, yet his throbbing cock doesn't seem to mind just how creepy the situation truly is.
Calloused shaky hands reach for your body, wrapping around your waist only to bring your lower body closer to his clothed dick, subtly grinding against you to test the waters, silently thanking whatever is out there that you didn't bite his face off— yet.
There's something oddly erotic about the way your ectoplasm seeps through his clothes the moment you start to grind against him, long black nails raking dangerously close to his throat, somehow making him even harder despite the growing anxiety.
“Sex. With you.” Despite the way you mainly communicate with clicks and sounds, your speech isn't half as bad. Your free hand starts to slowly trail down, feeling his hard, toned body beneath his clothes until you reach your goal, eyes shining with mirth at the way Simon's breath hitches when you use your pointy nails to destroy the restricting fabric of his pants, freeing his hard, leaking cock.
Perhaps sticking his dick in crazy isn't the right choice, but Simon is way too horny to think with the right head, almost cumming when he feels your cunt wrap snugly around him, not even giving him a second to recover before you're bouncing on his dick, the tip of your nails digging on his shoulders for leverage.
Simon is nothing but a bundle of awful choices that could easily come back and bite him in the ass, his warm head on the back of your head, pulling you closer for a kiss despite knowing you have multiple rows of needle-like teeth. His free hand goes down to your hips, guiding you faster and harder as he starts to thrust up, going as deep as possible inside your wet, needy pussy.
Short nails dig into your cold skin, leaving faint marks that will disappear soon enough, yet he needs something to release the pent-up energy the moment your long, black tongue starts exploring his mouth, instantly making every single muscle in his body tense up as he shoots ropes of hot, thick cum inside you.
Warning for FREAKINESS, this one is nasty, folks. Vore adjacent, even.
Eldritch God Reader plucks Nikto from his world, from his reality, and finds a nice space for him inside themself. Nikto fought back as hard as he could, but he couldn't fight forever. Your tendrils slowly curl around his wrists and ankles, limiting his movement until he could only lay against your flesh wriggling and twitching. He's scared, more scared than he can remember ever being. He can't handle the feeling of being restrained, nor the suspense of whatever you have in mind for him.
That's when a strange- no, pleasant smell hits his nose. His body feels warm, tingly, and the voices sound... slow, and far away. He doesn't know when it happened, but he's now noticing his clothes have been stripped from him- or dissolved. Your tendrils caress his body slowly and gently, and he's sunken so far into the trance he barely registers his own orgasm.
A human hand, or the imitation of a human hand, pulls him deeper into your flesh. The walls of whatever organ he's inside open and consume him. The hand runs laps around his body, mapping it completely several times over. In the distance, he can register the slow beating of a heart.
I have an idea that I wanna share!! Reader is transported into TCF as this hairy, eldritch monster in the Forest of Darkness. They get picked up by Cale when they found the dead mana lake. It takes a few weeks, but Cale also ended up giving Reader a name... he called Reader Bokshiri... Fluffy. He named you Fluffy! What a dork.
Then, in Reader's mind, the God of Death says that only acts of true love could help turn them back into their human form. Reader understood this as true love's kiss, because what else could it have been?!
But, Reader realizes that an act of true love doesn't have to be romantic, neither does it have to be a true love's kiss. It didn't even have to come from one person. Cale gave you the best headpats and had always told you that you were doing a good job taking care of your people. Choi Han actively trains with you, pushing away his memories of the Forest of Darkness to be a bit more gentle with you, which 'thanks' but you can handle it!! Beacrox gives you the best food, and the way Ron grooms your fur is the best! The children all laugh and smile when you're around, and Mary always shares her experiences with you while patting your head the same way Cale does!
You felt happy, you felt free, you felt loved. Because in your previous life, you had always been blamed for being a monster, for always being against your family even if you were only trying to keep to yourself, to protect yourself. You cried in hurt and pain when you woke up as an eldritch being after getting hit in a car accident. It was as if the gods were cursing you for not being the monster you were supposed to be.
But... in the form of a monster, you were more loved than you ever were.
So many acts of love from people you've grown close to, that in the event that you all needed to transport the Black Castle away from the White Star, when Eruhaben realizes that there needs to be more mana than expected, right in front of everyone's eyes, you transform back, your perfectly groomed fur turning into a comfortable robe over your body.
You weren't aware of your transformation. In your mind, all you wanted was for your people to be safe. You just wanted to protect the home that you were blessed with.
And you did it. You helped them get out of there.
You were confused why everyone was screaming your name, why Cale and Raon were scrabbling to get close to you. You were confused on why Choi Han seemed to be frozen in place. You were just going to close your eyes and sleep for a bit, after all. You used a whole lot of power. (That power, although more powerful in your human form, burned you easily after your curse was broken. You were still too fresh from a broken curse.)
You pulled a Cale and fainted. You'll just find out after you wake up, you decided.
What if the Eldritch!Reader and The Entity are related and The Entity now can't kill Tarhos because if she were to kill Y/N's boyfriend, she wouldn't hear the end of it at eldritch family gatherings
"you can not stay in my Realm dear," The Entity hissed, scolding you, Her sibling. "I know when you visited last you caught the attention of one of my toys. One of these days when he is of no..."
"you will not!" You snapped, knowing full well what she was implying, "If You grow tired of him and his little friends I will be happy to take him to my realm." A growl low in Your throat as the tendrils of Your shadow flickers in anger clawing at the space around You. "I could remove him from Your possession now if You'd like. Maybe drag his little prey with him."
"you will not!" Her spider like appendages digging into the ground around the both of You attempting to hold Your shadows down. "You do not value of the feast he can provide. The fear he makes is unlike the others." You look at her, a sigh of frustration escaping Your lips. "Besides his prey has his own unique abilities that adds a peculiar flavor to my feast." The Entity mused.
You rise angrily pacing the room, Your cloak of shadow dragging behind you. "You see him as a meal, You see him as toy who can entertain You, but Dear Little Sister, he could do so much more for Me. He could raze armies, destroy cities, he could burn My name across an entire plane. He could drag devoted followers into My realm and I could feast for an eternity." A wicked smile gracing Your face.
"I know You dear, do not lie to Me I see all that happens in My Realm even if I do not wish to see." A look of disgust dancing across Her face. "I know you make yourself small just so you can feel him cage you underneath him. I hear the words he whispers in your ear as he uses that sorry excuse of a sexual organ of his."
The heat of embarrassment rushing through Your body. It's not Your fault that The Entity will not release The Knight so really it is She who should feel shame. "So what if the thought of making spawn with him is appealing, at least I would know the father of My children." You bite back. Reminding Her of the child who hides in realm consuming her toys whenever it damn well pleases. Breaking her rules to feed itself.
The two of you go on to bicker some more, other members of the family joining you two silencing the petty squabbles between the two of you. You know more then anyone that the actual problem with wanting the Knight has nothing to do with him being The Entity's food source and everything to do with him being a human mortal man.
