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anyway shane following the recipe exactly and not thinking to halve it even though he knows it'll make too much food is the neurodivergent representation ive always needed, thank you hudson williams and jacob tierney for your service 🫡

#i have never felt so seen in my life #i have adhd and really struggle with following directions #so when i have written directions in front of me i have to follow them EXACTLY #or i start to worry i fucked everything up and will get yelled at #shane hollander i see you i get you i understand you #heated rivalry #eli says things

weakened grips and lonely company

i feel so cripplingly lonely.

when did every love song that i used to relate to become so meaningless?

i’ve never been loved in the way that either makes you euphoric or heartbroken

i only crash

and burn

and hurt

and throw away

i used to love so many people, note the past tense

today i feel empty, i have no one to call my own, or someone that sees me as special

in a way it makes sense, i used to love everyone, i used to feel so deeply about everyone that i was blind to how they felt about me

i feel so unbelievably lonely because i see the truth now

i am special to no one, no one is number one

and slowly i realise that my emotions are dulling too, i don’t love as hard, i don’t hug as tight, my grip has weakened

these are the thoughts that keep me up at night when the moon is out of sight and the stars are weak

weak

i am weak

i am careful, wary of the words i use, just so they can’t be used against me

i refuse to say i will never love again

but

i don’t see how it could be

i am perhaps correction: probably

undeserving of emotion and love

maybe someone will fall in love with me

what a poor soul, i hope someone saves them from their delusion don’t they know?

can’t they see?

i don’t relate to love songs, even if i wish i did, i hope they know i used to

salvation is too late, maybe i’ll at least live the rest of my life in soothing loneliness

then again, i’ve never enjoyed my own company

#eli says things #poetry

okay, correct me if im wrong, but thrawn was the one who put hyperdrives in tie fighters, right??? and that's not for another two or three years in canon?????

#andor spoilers #eli says things #i loved these episodes so much and i finally feel alive again #BUT.#this one detail is seriously bothering me LOL 😅#i could be misrembering though

i hate being in a reading slump

#anyway does anyone have any book recs?#eli says things

bedknobs and broomsticks is one of the most underrated films of all time and why i have a history degree

#eli says things #its one of the first movies i remember ever watching and it made an Impression #also #'technically a witch is always a lady except when circumstances dictate otherwise' is taking me OUT

my roommate, coming in to check on me, who's been lying in the dark for two days with a migraine: so how's my little virginia woolf doing?

#eli says things #best laugh ive had in two days #ive had everything on my phone on dark mode with my brightness all the way down #so ive read over 60% of the lost hero today on libby #im bored out of my fucking mind someone save me please

i am, to put it simply, an absolute fucking idiot