Discover Top Posts Tagged with #elite ranch

perseids?? almost no moon?? miles away from civilization??? bitch this is gonna be sick

as much as i complain about the people here (now including a flat-earther i guess), it is like microdosing on the wild and whacky shit that is happening off-ranch. no one has had a coronavirus vaccine, or really any other vaccines for that matter, but we're not in public places at the moment so i'm not stressing. i can trust these people not to consume horse drugs. there's some friction when talking about the news but it's good to know that just about everyone recognizes that inflammatory and divisive news stories get pushed over other news stories. i dunno. i'm learning a lot about compassion and being slow to offense

#interestingly i'm not the only person who thinks essential oil companies are low-key evil #it was so cute i finally snapped bc i'm tired of the anti-mask jokes #i was like hey i'm the butt of all your jokes please calm down #mentioned something about how cancelling is reductive and not a good solution #(which i'm sure conservative people are surprised to hear from me the snowflake)#i was like i'm just being the voice of the left now that our other friend is gone #and one person was like no she was pretty centrist #internally i was like hunty. centrists don't try on they/them pronouns #elite ranch #i am passive-agressively bringing back fact of the day again tho #with facts about the numerous people who have measured the curve of the earth

#elite ranch

there was a black widow. hanging near a corner of the ceiling in the bathroom. she hadn’t moved in two weeks and was sitting weird so i assumed she was dead. i decided, i don’t want to see this frightening corpse anymore, and i am a big kid, i shall knock her down with a broom. gentle reader, she was alive

#fortunately i didn't hit her straight on i disturbed her and she crawled from her web into a hole in the ceiling #but ya girl! is shook #s h o o k #elite ranch

we should make a term for when you feel like your life is/should be reality tv

#here at elite ranch where everyone in the crew is a different flavor of Christian #except for all the Amish wranglers they're all pa dutch #or were #but anyway aside from that this is still the ideal set up for a sitcom or a reality competition show #it's not uncommon apparently for folks to have to leave partway through the season #like honestly though I'm the weakest link other than the pregnant woman #which of us will crack under the pressure #dun DUN #rotating cast of millionaire guests #the fish camp guys from up the creek #bears and bison and moose oh my #idk why I'm so caught up about moose when i'm very solidly in grizzly country #i saw bison i saw a bear I'm over it #where's the goshdamn megafauna already #okay no but also it was just a black bear earlier if i saw a grizzly bear who knows maybe I'd wet my pants #elite ranch

tenderness win! i moved a bumbled bee from the inside to the outside

#elite ranch #idk what kind of tag to put for this adventure #but i think the fact we've got a private dude ranch #like yes you stay and be a dude and we have wranglers to show you how to horse #and ppl cleaning your rooms and making you tasty food #but it's not for profit it's a private ranch #i think that's hilarious #we had to ride in on wagons and it was a little terrible #the folks visiting at the end of this week will just. be arriving in their private helicopter #as one does #maybe it's a shared private helicopter like my uncle shares his private jet with other hollywood hotshots #but yeah no it's like. it's not a regular ranch it's not a regular dude ranch it's an elite ranch

racism? in my backcountry ranch? it's more likely than you think

#elite ranch #also let's discuss: do Christians have a victim complex and is it warranted

bathroom more like bat room, am i right?? haha anyway follow for more cabin humor

#sorry i don't post a lot of cabin humor that part is a joke too #but i am going to go batshit insane from having to rinse guano out of the bathtub every time i take a shower #i was going insane earlier about the maybe four people in one bathroom thing when it doesn't have to be that way #and how i didn't want to use the other bathroom #but i will say the bats don't poop in that shower just in the corner by the toilet #elite ranch

#elite ranch

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