I've been having, not troubled dreams, but some that make me troubled when I wake up. But they aren't bad.
On top of that, I have this sudden realization that my cat is going to die. I love my cat very much, and for the sake of sounding like a crazy cat lady, he's been my best friend since I was 16. I don't know why I'm suddenly worried about it. I know he's getting older. I don't know why I'm doing that.
The night before last, I dreamed I sat in a field with an old friend, and we watched as thousands of shooting stars shoot off in every direction. It was so beautiful. That was, until he drank tequila and turned into an orange. Jose Cuervo, to be exact. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Then last night I dreamed I was laying in the backseat of a car. My sister was driving. A man that felt like my cousin sat in the passenger seat. I don't know who he actually was. My family has this saying. I'm sure many people say it, but I know my family has said it for a long time. "Red sky at morning, sailors take warning. Red sky at night, sailors delight." It was dawn, wherever we were, or were heading. The sky was the brightest hot red I've ever seen. My sister glances back to me, as I fiddle with a toy? A doll? in my hands, "It's really red this morning." "Yeah, I know." I say,as I turn my head to look out the windshield. "I hope you're ready for it.", she said.
I pull myself out of bed, I've missed the gym all week. Work has swamped me, not that I mind. I want to swim today. I swim. As one arm goes over the other, I can't escape it. "I hope you're ready for it", she said. Ready for what, Chere? What do you want me to do?
I can't say I 100% believe dreams are always out to tell you something. I mean, when you dream of penguins as a secondary life form next to humans, (as in, talking, walking, holding human jobs, etc) and you make friends with them in Paris, I really can't see where that holds a life story. (That, was my best friend's dream.) But sometimes, I think our minds, our bodies know more that they aren't telling us. can't shake this one. And maybe, maybe it is nothing.
When I have really, really bad nightmares or dreams like this, my days disjoint with reality. I hallucinate more. I find it harder to focus than usual. I let my mind wander without really noticing it went anywhere. Days feel more dream-like than real. Nothing feels real on days like this. I don't like this feeling. Sighs.
I like my job. It's easier than most I've had. Lots of small things to remember, but that comes with repetition. I can sell to people more easily, even if it assails my senses. Even here though, nothing stays the same. 2 people are leaving in the next month or so, and as I'm happy for them, but that makes me feel like I'll be left drifting. I know it's not that big of a deal, nor am I the only one left when they leave. I just don't want things to change. I like them this way. I might like them the new way too. But I don't want that. Not this soon, anyways. I don't want to be at this job forever, either.
I know. I'm an emotional mess. I'm still waiting for shark week to happen, even if the cramps are ridiculous. I feel like I'm twisting and lost. Like there's so much happening I can't possibly focus on it all. It's fun to get lost like this sometimes. Because then you don't know where you'll end up, and everything is new, and you can just create something new, with whats all left over. But sometimes it's scary. It's scary to be lost. It's scary to not know where you're going when you can't see your own feet. I guess this is where faith happens.
