#ember vents

[embers-braincells]

mohini is feeling. not great rn bc yesterday she lashed out at my parents for being assholes and it Did Not Go Well At All

tbh we were also very much at fault in that scenario but yk :/

anyway um yeah looks like itll be me in front until mohini feels better

[lakeside-paradise]

Parents: *say the most racist shit known to man*

Also parents: but I'm not racist

[embers-braincells]

im not insane i just live with my parents im not insane i just live with my parents im not insane i just live with my parents im not insane i just live with my parents im not insane i just live with my parents im not insane i just live with my parents im not insane i just live with my parents im not insane i j

[embers-braincells]

yknow i think the reason i have so few irl friends is bc i consider people i can be myself around to be friends but the only people i feel safe being myself around from the start are ppl who are just as weird as me

problem is, the people who are just as weird as me are the exact ppl my parents dont want me making friends with. bc they dont want those ppl to make me weird. and if i be myself thats considered "becoming weird"

also this prolly explains why i made friends rly easy here, most of yall are just as weird as me :3 (pos)

[embers-braincells]

i cant even find roommates for college bc i cant make friends irl

i hate this so much

[embers-braincells]

dont get me wrong, i love that my brain has a function that keeps me from doing things that have zero benefit and will hurt me if i try doing it

what i hate is that everything that isnt immediately fun is interpreted as having zero benefit, including things that are necessary for my education and survival and such

so isnt it just great that adhd does exactly that, make everything that doesnt give immediate dopamine seem like the worst thing on earth

[embers-braincells]

No wonder Mohini is so angry around Padma's parents; they are incredibly inflammatory people who I half-believe are purposefully trying to provoke me. It took all of my willpower to keep calm and stay in front instead of letting Mohini lash out.

The sooner we leave, the better. The toxicity of the situation we currently live in would make cyanide seem a life-giving elixir.

[embers-braincells]

goddAMNIT I MISSED A SCHOLARSHIP DEADLINE

i wish i didnt have a brain that refuses to do things that dont feel immediately rewarding just because it refuses to see beyond 5 seconds into the future