Hyperactivity vs. Relationality
From her book, "Almost Christian: What the Faith of Our Teenagers Is Telling the American Church," Kenda Creasy Dean writes and quotes Mark Yaconelli:
"Mark Yaconelli attributes youth ministry's obsession with action to a deep anxiety that pervades American churches. He illustrates the difference between ministry rooted in anxiety and ministry rooted in love, and points out:
'We cannot undergo this transformation by the sheer strength of our own will or intellect. It is only by yielding that we can even begin to embody the freedom of God... We have to allow God to de-program us from habitually related to kids as projects that need managing rather than persons who need God's love and trust.'" (emphasis mine)
In other words, when churches focus on keeping young people active for Jesus, we may forget to teach them how to be present with Jesus." (emphasis Dean's)
[Dean, p. 168]
(Yaconelli, of Youth Specialties fame, conducted a multi-year, Lilly funded research project to redefine youth ministry form and approach to be most effective & sustainable among Millennials and younger. See his book, "Growing Souls: Experiments in Contemplative Youth Ministry".)
I see far too many "youth groups" that focus far too much on ideas that work themselves out in something like, "If you have food, they will come;" or youth leaders who simply keep their remaining young people busy, busy, busy doing stuff. The "stuff" may be really good to do, but for the Christian, whether young or old, there is something that comes before the doing, and that is the relational experience of the person with God.
When youth leaders and youth groups - heck, when parishes - take seriously the spiritual nurturing of their young parishioners, when they have as the first priority to "love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, and mind" as more than just a theoretical proposition, then the second priority of the working out of "love your neighbor as yourself" is authentically possible.
The focus on doing projects of good works will do little to offer any solid reasons for young people to stay in the Church. Community service is good to do, yes, but God can be completely absent and those good activities can still be done. Most all students have community service project requirements in their schools these days. When all we have to offer are what seem to be empty rituals and stagnant tradition (or lots of pizza), then all the activity in the world will not keep young people in the Church.
Our encounters with God enable us to honestly, transparently, unselfishly, and authentically love others. For the Church, the doing of good works are a means of transformation and a means of experiencing God more deeply - even as other receive the benefits of such things.
But, older parishioners, parents, youth leaders, priests and pastors have to have honest, transformational encounters with God themselves before they can pass on such experiential knowledge to rising generations of young parishioners. Too often, we don't and too many of us do not know how to yield to such notions. We are inexperienced in seeking God, deep contemplative prayer, being vulnerable, explaining our own faith, or anything close to a competent apologetic.
Despite good intentions, we end up having youth groups where the few remaining young people leave for college or adult life and have no real reason to keep attending church. A different way begins with adults who are intentional, consistent, persistent, and humble enough to yield themselves to God for the sake of our rising young folks.