full tilt (n) (poker): playing emotionally instead of rationally; making impassioned rather than logical decisions.
I didn’t know it then-I couldn’t have-but in that moment, the rest of my life, or what was left of it, began.
I could write the reviews for Full Tilt and All In together as a whole, but I won’t. They both deserve their own moment. I knew half way through this book that it was going to sit with me long after I finished it. And so far, I’ve been right. Full Tilt brought me a pain no other book has. I felt every emotion and pain in the words on its pages. This is definitely not a book for something who can’t hold that pain in their heart. If you’re looking for something upbeat, fluffy, gentle, kind, put this one down. The little moments brought me the most pain. Kacey bringing Jonah substitutes for his diet, enjoying them together. Her work schedule matching his. The work visits. Being involved with his family. I don’t want to give any of the big things away. But I cried when they sat underneath the Fiori di Como. My heart ripped out of my chest. That pain felt so real. Listening to the playlist while reading the book absolutely makes a difference. ‘Chasing Cars’ was on during Jonah’s letter to Kacey. I’ve read Colleen Hoover’s books. I know what it’s like to suffer heartbreak and read through tears. But I couldn’t read through these tears.
•”I hate that people leave when they’re supposed to stay.”
•’Every time I closed my eyes, I missed her.’
•’You can find beauty everywhere, even in the things that scare you the most.’
•”I’m going to stare at her all night.”
•”Because, Kace, the days will count down until there’s only one left. The one where I have to say goodbye to you.”
•”That’s all I ever wanted, since the first moment I saw you. To protect you. To keep you safe.”
•’We might not have months or years, but we have moments. Thousands upon thousands of them.’
•”I would love you forever, Kacey, if I only had the chance.”
•’No more living life halfway. We had to go full tilt, just like the card players did. I would hit instead of stay. Always.’
•”You make me feel alive.”
•”It was you. Always and only you.”
•”He loved and he’ll be loved forever.”
•”Everything I could ever need or want is right here in this room.”
music provided by the author
