man life is weird
Dan howell x reader
warnings: angst: lots of it, profanities, mentions of depression, LOTS OF FLUFF, literally one kiss.
"dan, i didn't mean to-"
"no y/n. save it."
"please stop yelling dan."
this is where phil chimed in, "dan stop it."
"what the fuck have i done? she's cancelled two interviews with us this week and hasn't gone to her bbc show in a month," dan pushed phil's hand away when he placed it on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down.
"just let her explain, stop pressuring her-"
"phil stop sticking up for her! she hasn't done anything around here in so long. this is the first conversation either of us have had with her in a week. she's avoiding us phil!"
phil looked taken aback by dan's sudden outburst. you had your laptop open in front of you with a message from youtube you had recieved today.
looking between the two, you said, "i need to film a video. please leave."
"just another opportunity for you to avoid us."
you felt like crying right now. you locked the door, set up your camera, and did what youtube had asked. their email had said:
we understand that you are going through a rough patch. we don't mind your absence from events, we completely understand and don't want you to worry. however, we would like to know if you can make a video on your mental illness for mental illness awareness. we also have an event next thursday for mental illness we would like you to attend. it's interviews, q and a with fans, and meet and greets. we don't want to force you into anything so take all the time you need.
you looked into the camera giving a slight wave. "hey there. i'm so sorry for a lot of things. one, i've been very inactive this month which i will get into in just a minute. and two, i look like absolute trash. yes i know what you're thinking," you spun around in your chair, dramatically throwing up your arms, "i haven't existed in forever!"
you smiled the slightest, "well as you all know, i always make jokes, i love to make others happy like you guys. but sometimes it's hard for me to keep myself happy."
you pulled up a little slip of paper. "this is my doctor's note," you pointed at the camera, "shout out to you doctor margaret! now this is no ordinary doctor's note. for i, the happiest person alive, have depression. yes i know you're thinking, i'm faking it. it's for publicity."
you ran a hand through your greasy hair with a few tears blurring your eyesight, "i'm not. i wish it wasn't there but it is. i've dealt with it for years. none of my friends ever knew and most of my family hasn't known either. just my mom and doctor. well and now you guys of course."
you sighed and thought of what to say next while twirling a bracelet on your wrist.
"i've been seeing my doctor this last month. i haven't exactly left my room much besides that. i will be attending, drum roll please, the mental illness awareness event next thursday that youtube is hosting," a few tears had slipped out but you laighed before continuing, "i hope to see you there. stay alive frens!"
you didn't edit the video, you just posted it, then took a nap.
you awoke to the bed shaking up and down and someone stradding you.
"y/n, y/n, y/n, i'm so sorry. i didn't mean it, i didn't. you know that. please, i'm sorry. you should've told us we could've helped you-"
"shh dan. it's alright."
"no it isn't. you should've told phil and i. we would've helped you. we could've-
"just lay down with me," you mumbled.
"w-what?"
"you heard me. get down here and lay with me," you looked at dan who had his mouth open.
"i literally yelled at you earlier and you want to spend time with me?"
"yes."
"but-"
you grabbed his arm, "it's ok."
he looked at the clock and turned back you with a soft expression. hesistantly he said, "i'm staying the night here, let me change first."
he came back in boxers and a large t-shirt before getting under the comforter with you. at first you were both on your backs, side by side before you turned over and looked at him, dan doing the same.
he gently pressed his forehead to yours before lacing your hands. it was calming.
"i'm really sorry," he whispered.
"it's alright dan. stop worrying," you leaned up to kiss his lips before putting your head against his chest.
"i love you n/n."
"i love you too dan."
that night you both happily fell asleep in each other's arms.
i'm back guys. requests are open again, and i have about 10 fics that are drafted right now. i'm finishing up the part two of the previous dan howell fic. hang tight loves. if you need anything message me (that goes for anyone, i don'f care who you are. please talk to me if you're going theough something.) stay alive💛
XOcourt
