warnings: angst with dan, depression, fluff!!!!!
A/N: i wanted to post something and this was in my drafts so enjoy this while i work on the requests.
you couldn't take any more of this. walking down the hall, you faced his door. your best friend. he wouldn't come out for a week. he didn't talk to you nor phil. something was wrong and he wouldn't tell anyone what.
you softly knocked on the door and waited before you heard him quietly shuffle over. once it opened, you found he was a mess. bloodshot eyes, the same clothes on as the last time you saw him, and messy hair.
you walked in and closed the door only to turn around and find he was already back to laying on his bed face down. you came over and sat down, scared he would snap if you got too close.
you didn't say anything. your prescence was enough for dan to be calmer. he just wished you would stay with him. he needed someone this week, but pushed everyone away. he didn't realize he was crying until you wiped away one of his tears with your thumb.
he sat up and kept his eyes down.
"sorry," he mumbled. you leaned against the headboard and shifted so dan could sit next to you.
"there's nothing to apologize for dan."
"i shouldn't be alive."
you looked over at him and winced. you hated when he said things like that. sure, you say that all the time, but dan had so much to live for.
"don't say that."
"why? why's that y/n?"
"because-"
"because why y/n? because people love me? because i'm famous? i'm not funny, i'm a horrible person, i'm dragging people down," he lifted up his sleeves to reveal scars up and down, "i'm a freak y/n."
you were both standing up now, facing each other.
"there's nothing wrong with you dan. that doesn't make you a freak-"
"yes it does!" at this point he was screaming. "i am a freak! i don't belong here, why can't you just see that? why can't you just leave? your life would be better without me here!"
"because you're my best friend."
"just get out. i don't need you. i never did, can't you just leave?!"
you looked down at your feet, tears filling your eyes.
"do, do you really mean that?"
dan sighed and ran a hand through his greasy hair. he didn't mean any of that, but then again, he could just end it all once you leave him. he stood there waiting for you to leave but you didn't.
"please leave y/n," he said, barely audible. you nodded the tears finally leaving your eyes, just as dan's had. you left the room and immediately walked to the living room to find phil wrapped in a blanket covering his ears.
"i hate when you two fight, y'know."
he looked up seeing you crying and stood up, embracing you. yes, this wasn't the first time you and dan had a screaming match when one of you were having an episode. it happened probably once every two months. but never had you cried. phil nor dan had ever seen you cry. (A/N: phil let out a single tear, not afraid to show emotion in front of his true best friend.)
"he hates me."
"no he doesn't. you need to go back and talk with him."
"he hates me. he always has. i'll just move out. you'll both be better off without me around."
"no. we need you here. now go talk to him. i am going to sleep now," phil was determined. his two best friends would not stay fighting.
you sighed, walking to your room to put lounge pants and one of dan's old sweatshirts on. he had one of yours too. your friendship was one that you cherished so much. walking back to his room, you saw him crying into a pillow.
he felt the bed dip and he didn't look up. he thought whoever it was would give up on him and go away. ten minutes later, you hadn't left, but dan had started to cry harder.
you hesitantly reached over and rubbed his back a little. he finally turned to look at you.
"why are you here?"
"you should never go to sleep on an argument."
he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and leaned into your touch.
"i'm sorry for what i said. i didn't mean it, i was just upset."
"i know you didn't mean it. it's okay."
you returned his hug, playing with his curls. you knew this relaxes him.
"i just, i don't know. i feel awful right now."
"probably cause you haven't slept, showered, or eaten in a week." he let out a small laugh.
"i guess that's something."
you smiled, and released your hug.
"you get in the shower, i'm gonna bring you toast when you're done."
>•<
you walked back to his room once dan told you he was done. his curls were still wet and he had pajamas on now. you pushed the plate of toast you had toward him as you laid down on his bed.
"you need to eat."
"all of it?"
"not all, just half."
he sighed and did what you told him to do. he was happy he didn't puke it up this time. he started to doze off once he picked up his computer. you noticed this, but he told you he was fine.
after a half hour, you were getting tired yourself. phil came into the room and smiled.
"all made up?"
you nodded while dan was still dozing off atop his computer.
"that's good. i'm going to head to sleep now. you lovebirds should too," phil wiggled his eyebrows.
you laughed and said goodnight to him. gently waking up dan, you told him to get ready to sleep. he rolled under the covers after putting his laptop away.
you started to walk out until dan called your name. he scooted over and patted the spot next to him, nervously looking down, expecting you to just leave. you smiled and came over.
you pulled him close, feeling his legs entangled with yours, while you gently traced "i love you" over and over again on his bare back with your finger.
you took a quick glance down at dan, who was laying his head on your chest, to check if he was still comfortable as he looked up sleepily. you began to think how much you never want the moment to end. then you also begin to think about how would you two be after a moment that close.
"i love you too," his gentle voice rang through your ears, as a soft smile returning to his face once again, and the warmth of his body soaking with yours.
dan began to think about what you felt because he began to feel something once again. he leaned up and sloppily kissed your lips. he laid back down placing his head on your shoulder, being comforted by you.
"goodnight dan."
"goodnight n/n."
