#emo rants

[em0lici0us]

Exams are brutal. But hopefully I'll be able to do what I love the most next week when it's over; draw and talk to all my beautiful hearted followers and mutual darlings. Wish me luck cause I need it 🥺🥺

[em0lici0us]

Hey your back

how are u.!

"And its good to be back sorta, hope you've been well"

[em0lici0us]

WARNING: LONG RANT

Hey beautiful people (or anyone that's left), it's been a while since I last came on here, and I can only blame the University stress I've been enduring, both physically and emotionally, as well as the constant power outage in my part of Africa; all in all, being an adult low-key sucks. But here I am, giving y'all an update on what's been going on with me.

Good news through is that I'll be done with the university in a couple of years, so I'm semi free to post from time to time. Like, it will be very inconsistent and I'm sorry for that, I'll be trying my best and all I need is your love and support. I hope you understand and can bear with me, and I love you guys very much.

[em0lici0us]

In case you don't understand...I was done with my last paper on Friday...and instead of giving us a break, we're told second semester starts today, Monday! MY BRAIN NEEDS REST PLEASE!! I JUST WANNA SEE MY MOTHER IN PEACE GODDAMNIT!! 😭😭😭

[justanamesstuff]

Sometimes…when life gets hard…I imagine myself between the guys sharing a big hug and everything feels a bit better.

[shorties-unite]

Just let me be selfish for a second okay: So it’s my birthday on Sunday, and I planned this whole thing to celebrate which included clubbing. I’ve been very hesitant to call this off but given the current climate I know it’s probably not going to happen. I’m a health student. I know that social distancing is the right thing to do. I don’t want to put myself and the people I love at risk.

But my friend actually asked if we’re going out or not and advised against it today and now I’m feeling really down. And yeah I know that once this whole pandemic thing is sorted out I’m still young and I’ll still have time to make up for missing out on this one thing but I’m still sad. I already feel like I missed out on a lot of chances to go out and do fun things and party because I chose to be a high performance athlete for the majority of my life (I’m not complaining about that. My love for that sport far outweighs this selfish thing, plus I had fun while I was doing that). But now, I’m a two days from twenty year old, living away from most of my closest friends with a full time uni commitment and dwindling funds to be surviving where I am, let alone enjoying it. When all this is over I’m going to have to go looking for another job in the hopes that I can afford to stay down here for the duration of my study and hopefully even enjoy it. I don’t get to just “go out” for no reason. I don’t have a group of people. I’m scared of not having a reason. That’s the whole point of a birthday. It’s a designated reason to do something fun that is almost universally understood.

I feel like it’s selfish but I’m.. I’m just really scared I’ll waste this great time of both youth and freedom away working hard to fuel my future and I’ll end up some old person who only ever worked and with no good stories. Seeing other people post about the good times they have all the time hurts too. Why can’t I go out and have fun? Why do the things I do get invited to always end up scheduled on days that I have to work the next day so that I can’t go/have to leave early? Why is everyone growing out of their going out and acting a fool stage when I’m just finally experiencing these things for myself. Why does to feel so selfish to be slightly upset about something I was really really looking forward to.

So yeah, I guess that’s the birthday post for this year. Maybe 21 will be better if we make it out of COVID-19 alive

[weebsatan]

My depressions is just coming back and forth and I'm rly depressed then an hour later I feel stupid for how "edgy" I was being and then I get depressed again. I don't know what I want to do. My mom keeps acting me for lying now even tho I told her the truth afterwards but I lied to protect her. And yes I shouldn't have lied but I wasn't /that/ much later then I would've been. She's makes me out to be some horrible bad guy too even though my brother lies all the time and will come home late past 12am being god knows where while I was literally just with my sister and then watched an episode of a show with my boyfriend before I went home. I feel stupid, I feel worthless, I want to see friends but I'm sure almost no one would want to see me. Out of the few that would actually want to see me can't because they are too far away. I hate this stupid diet I'm on. Its $14 a week to keep this diet with my mom but she's complaining about how I'm making her spend all this money even though I told her we don't need to do this diet we can do it without paying this company a total of $28 every week! Everyone else I know has hung out with friends past midnight, its all over snapchats but I can never get away with that because my mom freaks out. Yes it is scarier at night but we live in rich white suburbs, the crime rate is really low. Idk idk idk idk idk idk. I just really hate myself.

[weebsatan]

Everyone hate me, I hate myself. Everything is dandy. I don't even have anyone I feel like I can talk to, I just annoy everyone I talk to. I'm a burden. I'm annoying, dumb, weak, overweight, and I only look presentable with makeup on. No wonder no one actually trusts me, loves/likes me, helps me, listens to me. No fucking wonder I lost all my friends and some of my closet friends. I know whenever I text someone they are not busy they r ignoring me cause I'm too much of a bother and no one wants to deal with me. I'm "mousey" I'm "fake" I'm a "crybaby" I'm "fat" I'm "dumb" "its a miracle [i] graduated High school" I "don't deserve anything [I've] gotten" I just want to be gone because I don't know what I want and I don't have anyone. I'm alone I'm depressed. I want to go to sleep forever. Bye