“To become lovers from friends is simple. One person has to take a step closer, and that one step changes their relationship.” - Park Hyung-sik as Ahn Min-hyuk; Strong Woman Do Bong Soon
The warmth from his hands always managed to reach your cheeks but never found it’s way to his heart it seemed. Frustration was an understatement, completely and utterly hopeless felt better suited to your emotions.
Who does Min Yoongi think he is? Holding your heart in his hands but never fully taking it?
Being Yoongi’s friend was great, and so was being friends with the rest of the boys. But with him... the only way to describe it was different. Jungkook didn’t hold your hand every moment you were in the same room as each other. Taehyung didn’t bring his dog over to your apartment when he knew you had a bad day. Jimin didn’t text you ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ every day. Namjoon didn’t kiss your cheeks or forehead when saying goodbye. Hoseok didn’t hold you for hours and call it ‘hanging out’. Jin didn’t call you in the middle of the night to talk about philosophy or dreams because he couldn’t sleep. Yoongi did all these things and more and quite frankly you were sick of it. You were sick of falling in love with him while he was content with being intimate friends. Any eye contact brought a blush to your cheeks and any touch shot straight through you like an arrow to your heart. Everything about it was so cheesy and cliché but fuck you were in love with him.
Heartbeat, heartbeat speeding up. Heartbeat, heartbeat in my mind.
The dumb love song that was playing through your speakers made you more angry when you thought about it. Life wasn’t a song or drama or movie and things were hard to talk about and you hated it. Why was it so hard to tell him? You couldn’t choose whether it was the fear or change or the fear of being rejected, so you decided it had to be both.
As you stopped sweeping your kitchen to wipe the sweat forming on your brow there was a knock on the door. You weren’t expecting anyone, but you had a strong feeling you knew who it was. Much like a boyfriend best friend he was always finding a reason to be over here.
Soon enough, you were opening the door to find your suspicion was correct. “Hey (Y/N), you said you wouldn’t be doing much today so I brought Holly.”
You smiled despite your sour mood this morning; it was impossible to be upset while watching Holly struggle in Yoongi’s arms to get to you. He laughed as he handed Holly to you who began to excitedly lick your face. You stepped aside to let Yoongi enter and shut the door with your foot, the small ball of brown fluff occupying both your hands.
“I’m starting to think he likes you more than me.”
“I wouldn’t blame him.”
Yoongi smirked at you as you sat next to him on the couch in your living room. He almost immediately took Holly from your hands so he could adjust his position, laying on his back, head in your lap, and Holly snuggled up on his stomach. This was common for the three of you, but right now yout wanted to shove him off, kick him out, and keep Holly to yourself. However, you had no intention of voicing why to him so you pulled your phone out and browsed, hoping your odd behavior would go unnoticed.
It didn’t.
“Play with my hair?” Usually you would without him asking, but you were suffocating just being this close to him.
“Do I have to?”
He looked up at you and frowned, still petting a happy Holly who hadn’t detected your bitterness yet. “I guess not.” You turned your attention back to your phone but he wasn’t satisfied with the lack of contact. “How was work yesterday?”
“It was work.”
“Okay, how has this week been?”
You were getting frustrated with his small talk, you knew he was wanting to ask what was wrong. You threw your phone down beside you. “Well Yoongi, I have a terrible boss who gives me more work than he knows I am capable of and mean co-workers who make fun of how I dress. I have an impatient mother who wants me to marry already and be successful and everyday I talk to her on the phone and apologize for being a disappointment with a low-paying job and a chubby face and no boyfriend to bring home at Christmas. So my week has been pretty shit.”
The pregnant silence that followed was the most awkward tension the two of you had ever felt and you desperately wanted to take it back. It was never supposed to be awkward between Yoongi and you, but here you were, looking into his eyes probably looking more angry than you actually were. You weren’t mad, you were done pretending everything was alright between the two of you.
Finally he spoke up, “Are you lonely, (Y/N)?” Your scowl softened and you know he must have seen and felt it because he continued on more confidently, “You don’t deserve all that you know. You are so funny and hardworking and beautiful, you could have anyone you wanted.”
Your voice audibly faltered, but you couldn’t help it. “What?”
He coughed before sitting up and placing Holly in his lap, who was much more calm now and staring at you with his big, bright eyes. “If you hate being single so much I could set you up with one of the guys, they all love you.”
Oh. That was the final straw, emotion was ripping at your insides and making your chest tight. You quickly stood up, “I can’t believe you.”
You turned and began to walk to the kitchen to cool down but you heard him set Holly on the floor and follow you. “What did I do?”
“Don’t worry about it.” You chuckled darkly, “Just set me up with Namjoon or something so you don’t have to fucking deal with me.”
“That’s not what I meant! I love being your friend (Y/N) and I-”
“I know!” You turned on your heel and found him standing quite far away from you, still by the couch. “I know. You love being friends and I hate it.”
He was starting to look angry but you didn’t care. You knew in your heart it was petty but you hurt so much because of this confusion so he deserved to feel some of it too. “No you don’t!”
“Oh, I don’t? I’m glad you know me so well! Thanks for letting me know how I feel.”
The sarcasm that oozed from your mouth made him take a step closer but he stopped himself, clearly fighting some kind of war in his mind. “So you hate me now?”
“Are you fucking dumb?” You yelled louder than you had meant to and his eyes showed the same surprise you felt. After regaining some of your composure you continued on a little more calmly, but the anger still manifested in your voice. “I’m sorry but do you know how confusing you are Min Yoongi? You call me your best friend but you know as well as I do you are more than friendly.”
You took a step towards him but still maintained a distance of a few feet from him. “You come around here and touch me like it’s nothing and I can’t take it anymore.” Your voice was wavering and suddenly your voice was void of all anger as you looked at the ground by his feet, seeing him come a tiny bit closer. “I’m sick of getting so happy when you touch me when I know I’m only your best friend and nothing else. It hurts so much sometimes, knowing you’ll keep being overly friendly and I’ll keep gaining feelings that aren’t returned.”
“(Y/N), look at me please.” Your gaze caught his, and he took another step closer. “I’m sorry. I know what you’re talking about but you’ve got it all wrong. I-..”
Without warning he closed the space between you and him and took you into his arms, his hands landing on the small of your back and your cheek being pressed against his chest. You could feel and hear the rapid beat of his heart, but it was almost too good to be true, even when you heard the words spilling from his mouth.
“I’m so bad at expressing my emotions with my words, you know this. I’m sorry I hurt you; it wasn’t my intention at all. The truth is I don’t want to set you up with someone else, I want you myself, but I was so scared.”
Your voice was mumbled against his soft, grey sweater, “Why? Of what?”
He chuckled lightly and you felt his chest rumble against you. “I don’t know, I guess of being rejected. I wouldn’t have been if I knew you were this upset. I didn’t want to fight you.”
A smile finally returned to your face as you breathed in his scent, letting it help calm you down. “I didn’t want to fight you either. I’m sorry I’m so dramatic.”
“I’m sorry I was being dumb.”
You finally laughed at that, and you didn’t have to see him to know he was smiling. “I’m sorry I yelled at you instead of saying how I felt.”
His hands moved to stroke up and down your arms as he pulled away to look in your eyes. “I’m sorry I made you wait so long to know that I care about you the same way. How could I make it up to you?”
“I’d say we could make up for lost time, but”, you blushed despite flirting with him almost the entirety of your friendship. “This doesn’t feel much different than before.”
His gummy smile that followed made your heart flutter and chest tighten again, but this time because it bubbled with excitement. “You’re right, but that’s okay. I like how it feels to be here with you regardless of titles.”
“Gross.” He laughed before catching your lips with his. No matter how intimate you had been before this was a line that was never previously crossed. His lips on yours laid to rest any leftover anxiety and fear from the argument and you kissed back with all your pent up emotions.You allowed yourself to mold into him as he held you there in the small living room of your apartment. Peace had finally returned to the cramped space that before held your impatience, hopelessness, and frustration.
He pulled away first and rested his forehead against yours. “I love you.”
In his eyes you found truth and comfort so without any more hesitation you let yourself say what you had meant to before getting angry. “And I love you.”
Holly began jumping up at your legs causing you to laugh, not that much of your laughter could be heard over his joyful barking anyway. “I love you too, Holly!”
Yoongi grabbed your hand and began to lead you back over to your couch. “C’mon, we have to make up for all the lost naps together.”
You grinned at him as he pulled you on top of him on the couch, wrapping his warm, sweater-clad arms around your waist. “We always take naps together, like, twice a week.”
“It’s different now, though.”
“How’s it any different?”
You looked at him in amused disbelief before he placed a chaste kiss on your lips. “I can sleep better knowing the feelings are mutual.”
You couldn’t help but smile the widest grin before snuggling your face into his chest and letting yourself drift off into a deep sleep.
You and Yoongi didn’t have to make up for lost time necessarily, but you definitely had to make up for all the old naps with lots of better ones together.
siri beloved i have nothing exciting to send you for sleepover weekend except my LOVE, i have missed you and i wish you snuggles and hot chocolate and good fic and all the other good things you could possibly hope for <3
my darling asha!!!
thank you <3 i'm really settling into my happiness YAY and i love love love snuggles, hot chocolate, AND FIC so it's good you know me :D
This weekend has been a bit draining for me. Lots of emotions and I'm still a little sick.
I haven't told a lot of my immediate family but I came out to my oldest cousin. It took her a minute to realize what I said but she immediately hugged me and said she loved me no matter what. She said that she didn't care who I loved, that as long as I was happy then she didn't care.
I almost started crying. She hugged me hard and said "I love you Bay, always."
I've been super emotional all day. I kept almost crying during an Anne of Green Gables movie my family was watching this evening...but it wasn't over the movie. I couldn't stop crying on the drive back to my grandparents house tonight. I almost full on started sobbing during Greg's funeral service today.
Delayed for over two hours. I just want to get home and cry and process and sleep in my own bed. I definitely don't want to go to work tomorrow. At least we'll be boarding soon.
