#engineerdave

[fairysharkmother]

Hi sea family. My best friend kind of cut me off from her last year. I have anxiety, and ever since then she's been ignoring me, so my anxiety has boosted to an unbearable point. I got prescribed Lexapro to help with the anxiety. I took a whole pill today, but I guess for some reason I still feel kind of messed up today more than I usually am on the medication about her. Do you think I'm just having an off day and I'll be better in a day or two, or is this some kind of a side effect?

Friends will come and go, it’s an unfortunate fact of life and it will hurt; I’m feeling particularly cut off from some of my friends right now and I don’t know if it’s because they’re busy or if I’ve wronged them, but we gotta keep our heads up. You’ll meet all kinds of awesome people in your life and some of them will become better friends than you’ll ever imagine. If you let them.

I know it’s hard making new friends; we have an article about the very subject in our ‘Original Momma Posts’ section. Read it and follow some of the advice on joining clubs, opening yourself up and meeting some interesting new people.That said, I do hope you two can smooth things out. :)- Engineer DaveEDIT: Don’t stop or deviate from your recommended prescription unless under the advisement of a real doctor, not a fictional scuba engineer. Verbatim, snekplay says:

please let the anxious anon know that there is never an immediate change with medication. I am on the same medicine as them, and it took a couple weeks for it to start kicking in. Generally it’s 2-4 weeks. After that time, if you still aren’t feeling up to snuff, talk with your psychiatrist about upping the dosage. I did that a month ago, and it’s been a big help. Please please be patient; keep track of how you’re feeling, and let someone know if it gets worse.

- snekplay

Thanks for the assist, ADVISING IS HARD! :C-Engineer Dave

[fairysharkmother]

I have a weird question. I like this girl, like. A lot. I just want to make her happy and do nice things for her. She doesn't feel the same way (we've discussed it) and I don't expect her to change her mind no matter what I do. I don't think she owes me anything, but I'd still like to take her on dates and stuff. She seems to be okay with the idea, and like I said, she doesn't like me back the same way, but she's okay with me liking her. Is there a word for this? Is it okay?

If she’s okay with “dating”, it’s an opportunity to perhaps change her opinion on if she’s likes you or not. Continue to want to make her happy and do nice things for her, but don’t be too effusive with your efforts, it’s called ‘White Knighting’ and it comes across as pandering and desperate. Treat her like a human and she’ll appreciate the gesture. Don’t explain this to her either, because… huh, how do I put this? From Shakespeare, "thou doth protest too much." (Caution: Links to Urban Dictionary which may contain salty pirate language.)It sounds counter-intuitive, but the less you try, they more you’ll likely succeed. I mean, don’t ignore her, but don’t respond to texts the instant you get them either. I liked a girl a lot as well and the instant I started on working on becoming an interesting, vibrant individual, and less on fawning over/specifically impressing her, she came around rapidly.

Work on yourself, and on loving yourself first, the results MAY BE SURPRISING. Give yourself reason to feel good about yourself. And again, I reiterate, don’t put her on a pedestal. She’s a human, not a statue.I’m rooting for you, so if you have more specific questions, send them to my personal blogopage. This is my Wheelhouse!Keep rockin',- Engineer Dave

[fairysharkmother]

Engineer Dave, what kind of engineer are you?

I maintain the physical uplinks on the floor of the Atlantic ocean so Shark Momma can communicate and send files back and forth with M.O.D., so I guess in this context, “Network”. She has the capacity to communicate telepathically via subspace, but the NSA is monitoring that now too, so that’s why I came in. Oh, I’m on the list now, aren’t I? *thumbs nose*"Recording" as well, since we’ve started the Fairy Shark Mother channel on YouTube! There is more video goodness on the way, by the way, so stay tuned for that, chums!My areas of expertise are pretty varied, so I’ll accept any challenge I can wrap my mind around.- Engineer Dave

[fairysharkmother]

i sent you an anonymous ask a few days ago about disconnecting from reality but im sending this because its getting worse. i feel like my body and mind aren't the same person. the voice im talking in isnt mine/doesnt belong to me. but i do have control over my thoughts, its not someone i dont know talking to me. please help me identify what this could be or what could be causing it. what can help me shake this feeling. thank you in advance

I think everyone experiences a certain degree of cognitive dissonance when it comes to their internal monologue; people do have internal monologues, don’t they? *sweats profoundly*I get this occasionally where the narrationin your mind doesn’t feel like it’s in control of narration of the brain; this is often typified with feelings of “Oh, why is my brain thinking this? This is awful and it’s making me feel awful.” These are called ‘Interruptive thoughts’ and can be interpreted through the static of your free neurons if you allow your brain to focus on them.See, there’s that disconnect again; “you” want a stable life with a reliable, smoothly functioning brain, but your “brain” isn’t perfectly wired and IS going to give your life hiccups; everyone has some peculiarity with their thought-meats though. Everyone has something they consider to be “abnormal” or “crazy” about them; don’t worry too much about it because it’s the worry that can cause those “abnormalities” to spiral out of control and become obsessions or phobias.Just remember that “you” are always in control, even if your brain sometimes throws strange things out at you; it’s just static that you’ll hear voices in if you focus, so don’t.

Now, your external monologue (your actual voice) is yours alone, even if it may sometimes does have trouble effectively communicating what you want to say because awkwardness. Use it to talk things out with a friend, parent or even yourself because verbalising what you’re experiencing may allow you to better analyze your situation. You can even sometimes disarm an illogical, intrusive thought simply by saying it aloud and letting the part of your brain that handles speech hear how illogical it is.As for re-attaching to reality, perhaps try a hike. I always find that a long walk in nature has a fantastic way of grounding me when I get stressed.I’m not sure if this has anything at all to do with your issue, but I do wish you peace. Let us know if this helps.- Engineer Dave

[fairysharkmother]

Momma, I have to go on a plane in a few days and I'm so stressed and anxious about it, I don't know what to do =( I've never been on a plane before and the idea has always freaked me out. Just thinking about it is already scaring me. My psychologist suggested I bring things with me to occupy myself during the flight, but that's not keeping me from being nervous. Do you have any advice? =(

I love most things mechanical, but aircraft are definitely not among them. I mean, I love the form and idea of “aircraft”, but I have a great deal of difficulty wrapping my head around the idea of being at 600 mph at 40,000ft; there’s a lot of force involved. The numbers get wacky.Absolutely bring things to occupy yourself; when I fly (and it’s not often) I bring my journal and write observations about the world and the people around me. A great way to avoid being sucked into your fear is if you can engage in something that requires active use of your mind; your provided in-flight entertainment choices may be insufficient to ward off anxiety, so pack some apps or a handheld console if you have one. Some more recent aircraft models even have seat-back USB & AC charging ports, so pack cables if your flight is going to be a lengthy one. (Pack them anyway, they’re cables.)For nausea, I would recommend Ginger capsules or Gravol; you’ll thank me if you do find that you’re prone to airsickness.Seeing the ground drift away is going to be a totally foreign experience, but your window has a shade you can close if it’s frightening. I try to arrange for an aisle-seat because it kind of unnerves me to have a big eyeful of WAAAY DOWN THAR.Finally, know that there are tens of thousands of flights like yours taking off and landing every day without incident. The odds of a mechanical failure leading to any sort of accident are minimal. Smart women and men work diligently inspecting every component to ensure the airworthiness of the craft people fly in; the airline industry would be totally unsustainable if they didn’t spend massive budgets maintaining their fleets. If planes were in anyway unreliable to fly, no-one would; industry collapses. It’s just bad business!So don’t get yourself too psyched out beforehand; it’s the absolute safest mode of motorized transport and you may find it to be exhilarating. Every time I’ve gone into a flight worrying about getting anxious, it’s always, always comes true.Hope your flight goes well! May the winds spirit you safely!- Engineer Dave

[fairysharkmother]

Hi momma. I awhile ago I broke up with my boyfriend to shortly after get in a relationship with my lovely girlfriend. I'm still with her, but I miss being with my ex. I love both of them to death, I want both but I can't do that?? Is this a normal feeling or am I a monster?

I have a friend who is bisexual and she maintains a polyamorous relationship with her boyfriend and her girlfriend. Seperately, so I’m not sure if that’s still in the realm of ‘polyamory’, but the two she’s involved with are completely fine with the set-up because they acknowledge that they can satisfy needs the other can’t.It doesn’t make you a monster, either. Polyamorous feelings/polyamory are completely fine. Keep things above the board if you do want to explore them, though; otherwise that’s called “cheating” and not-so-good. Very unsharklike.You should try talking to your girlfriend about how you feel; I doubt any harm can come of bringing it up if it’s bothering you. Communication and keeping things out in the open is so important for any relationship.- Engineer Dave

[fairysharkmother]

(i think my ask was cleared) Hi Sea Family. Last night, my best friend and I decided to try dating, since a flirtation has been going on and we both like each other. But this morning, I got a text from her that said she wanted to just be friends. I told her that I understand, but I can't help but be sad and a little hurt. I do want to date her but I want to respect her wishes. Can you give any advice? And is it okay for me to be sad?

Love can be fickle and sometimes it can take a while for someone’s feelings to become clear in their own mind; during this time you should ABSOLUTELY NOT press the issue or force anything. Respect her wishes and continue being a cool guy; she’ll be appreciative of the space and time to think. She may in time change her mind, but don’t try to change it for her; it has a funk of desperation that is highly unattractive.You can be sad for now, but don’t let it hamper your friendship. In the end, if you two remain mere friends, you should be happy with that; if the relationship did advance and end up going awry, you could have potentially lost her entirely.Additionally, I would highly suggest looking elsewhere for romantic companionship. Dave had a very good friend he knew for 10 years that wanted to pursue a relationship; he has now not spoken with her since 2009 and wishes every day that she was still in his life. Don’t let that happen to you, kiddos.- Engineer Dave

[fairysharkmother]

hi sea fam! recently, I've had heatstroke. I guess I'm done with that but the feeling of nausea is still here and it's been 5 weeks since I got heatstroke and I kee throwing up. I'm getting a doctors appointment tomorrow but until then is there anything I can do to stop the nausea?

If you’re throwing up a lot, you’re likely also lacking some of the essential nutrients necessary to keep your neurochemistry in-check; be sure to keep your stores of potassium and sodium adequate. If you can stomach it, try a banana and something light and salty. I sometimes get hangovers and a banana with some sports drink or saltines will usually put me back on the rails.If the nausea in the morning is bad, keep some saltines on your nightstand to chomp on when you wake up, and foods high in starch during the day will help keep your stomach from accumulating too much nasty bio-slime.Ginger has been said to help, but it’s not something I’ve used personally, so I can only recommend it through hearsay. M.O.D.’s herbalism skills far surpass my own.If you get nauseous during the day when you’re out and about, stop and find something far on the horizon to focus on; it should anchor you enough to keep that ‘spinning’ feeling from overwhelming you.STAY HYDRATEDIf it’s been five weeks without cessation, the last thing you want to do is exacerbate your condition by getting further overheated or dehydrated.I hope this helps and that your doctor can help you get your feet back on the ground! Much love!- Engineer Dave