so my mom always gets mad and says i'm not letting her be herself when i freak out bc she's making too much noise. she clicks her nails and taps her foot constantly and yells when she yawns and it's so loud and awful but she always gets mad at me, am i the one in the wrong here?
In cases like this there needs to be a sort of middle ground. You’re not in the wrong, but she’s not totally in the wrong either. My partner has this metal cup that clinks something awful when there’s ice in it and it really irritates me. I constantly chew on my lip ring and crack my knuckles which really irritates him. These are inconveniences that we apologize for and we know full well nothing’ll change, but when I point out the cup he tries to drink quieter and when he points out my lip ring chewing I take it out for a while.
So your mom is sort of in the wrong here. When she’s doing something that’s upsetting you, even if it’s something she does subconsciously and can’t really control well, when you tell her you’re getting upset by it she should make an effort to accommodate you. So, maybe it won’t last forever, but if it’s enough to give you a bit of comfort then that’s a start. If she expects you to respect her habits, she needs to respect that it upsets you and make steps not to do it around you.