#entry 07

[aidotweb]

i really need to stop caring about how much i matter to people who i have no contact with

[magistralucis]

The bear dreamed. He dreamed of honey, of bathing into cold rivers and catching fishes here. He dreamed of napping in the sun, and eating berries. Sometimes, something cold pressed against him and he grumbled a little, until the cold wasn't so cold anymore, rather warming up, pressing tight against his fur. The bear slept and dreamed, dreamed and slept, again and again, until finally, came the day where he awoke from his sleep. Something tickled his nose and he sneezed, then groaned and yawned.

.

[sea-polyp]

BLOG ENTRY 07

Psychodynamic Development

01

My dad grew up in the rural area of Bicol and during his elementary days, every summer, he spent most of his time in the rice fields with his brothers (my titos). The time during and after harvesting (usually end of March - early April) is their most anticipated time. They would tag along with my lolo and lola in hopes of getting left-behind rice to harvest and sell so they can have money enough to go to the movies. He usually stayed with my lolo in the farm for sleep-overs while guarding the harvest. During these nights, he brought lots of bread for midnight snacks while the adults drank. He and his brothers would loiter around because sometimes they offer to have one of their ducks butchered for pulutan and they would give them scraps. The next day is composed of work, but everyone would be in a good mood because it is the end of the harvest and everyone would have a nice merienda. And since the harvest produces a pile of straws, he and his friends would use them as a cushion to do stunts and pretend to be kung-fu masters.

02 - 03

Based from my dad’s story, despite having grown up with my mom after their annulment, I think I adapted most of his personality rather than my mom’s. One of this would be the excitement over rural activities like playing in the rice fields or just generally being around nature (forests and seashores in probinsya since Pasacao area in Bicol is the beach and we often visit it) and contentment in a simple life.

I find it helpful because it helps me rationalize over buying material things, thinking “Mas mura to sa palengke” or “Pwede namang gawin ko na lang” or “Di ko to kailangan”. It also helps me be more empathetic towards the masses when they express their financial difficulties and help me become passionate towards the plight of the marginalized communities such as the agricultural sector. However I also find it difficult, because since I’m more inclined into wanting to live in the rural areas or be surrounded by nature, I find myself always exhausted because of living in the city and even though I’ve been living here for already 19 years of my life, I can’t find myself used to all the hustle and bustle. To alleviate my exhaustion, I try to visit my dad every weekend. 

04 - 05

When I was a kid, my dad told me I was a very impressionable child and was quick to be attached to teachers that would make classes fun. Back in Grade 01, I was very infatuated with my class adviser, Ms. Pat, and I idolized her very much that I wanted to be a teacher. And then in Grade 02, since I was in a Catholic school we were introduced more intensively to the lives of saints, and I wanted to become a saint. He said at that time, in order to fulfill these said “dreams” I did my best to follow the taught virtues of St. Francis. 

I think it is normal for kids that age to be easily impressionable since it is a new environment and they are eagerly exploring it. Around school age would be in the stage of industry vs inferiority. At that time I think I leaned more towards inferiority, maybe around 3 in the scale of dystonic to syntonic because at that time although I was ranking first in classes, was active in extracurricular, I had worries towards not being able to place first or being inadequate. Furthermore, I wasn’t necessarily integrated in my class because I was teased because of my glasses and my “matured” look, so I isolated myself and felt that I had lots of shortcomings as an elementary student.

[enjoyachoke]

Entry 07 - Takedowns and Improvement On Breathing

Still gotta commit to those wrestling takedowns. Shooting for those legs can exert quite a bit of energy but I gotta just do it.

Just. Gotta. Do it.

There was a moment when you took hold of _____'s leg and attempted a single leg technique but he kept defending it. You had the hold, but you could've gone for the double. He was moving quite a bit in order to defend, that it was enough for you to switch it up a bit and go for the double. It could've worked. Or maybe he could've defended that one too. But even if he would've defended it, you could've gone back for the single.

It's all about catching your opponent off-balance. By catching a hold of his leg, you already have him half-way. Now, he can still be defending one move, but he's open for another. Go for that other one, and if he defends that one, go back, or attempt something else. You're halfway there by having a hold of his leg -- now keep going. Unless he sprawls out and forces your grip loose, you have the better chance of taking him down.

Oh, and keep your shoulder tight against his side with the single you had. You were a bit far from him when you were attempting the drop, so obviously, you weren't putting enough pressure on him. That could also have been another factor as to why he defended so well against your single-leg.

Your breathing has improved. You've developed a rhythm in your breathing which allows you to feel less tired and leaves your mind to focus more on what's going on between your partner and yourself. It's become instinctual, almost. Less mind on breathing during rolling and more on the techniques. Continue doing that and you'll never have to worry about getting distracted by your breathing.