#entry 86

[gentleman-velvet]

Guys, it’s the 10th anniversary of

Tim and Alex’s divorce video



[squarebracketsmileyface]

The light

TW blood and gore

Work time 8 hours 49 minutes

I love him, that's why i kill him brutally

also a thought brought up by this piece: Alex having a horrifying moment of realisation while he's dying that most of his breath is coming out of the hole in his neck rather than his mouth or nose.

It's unbearably disconcerting and while obviously a lot of his brain power is taken up by the fact that he's literally fucking dying, bleeding out from the severed arteries in his neck, there is another part of him which can't stop focussing on the fact that he is breathing (even if he feels like he's drowning because of all the blood he's dragging into his lungs with every breath) but that he can't feel nearly any of his breath in his nose or mouth. Like, it sets off these alarm bells in his head that just fill him with dread. Even more than the pain in his cut neck, even more than the huge amounts of blood he can feel flooding out of him in waves and pooling all around him, plastering his shirt to him. His brain is screaming at him that he can't breathe, even though he kind of can, and to him what he dies of is drowning/suffocating more than bleeding out. The bleeding out is what actually does it, but the only thing his brain can manage to focus on is the drowning/suffocating so that's what he thinks kills him/is going to kill him.

Reference and a whole bunch a whole bunch of random alt versions under the thingy :]

Reference:

Alt versions:

Full saturation (more alive looking skin mostly)

desaturated

black and white

[brain4heartz]

shitty dramatic mh warmup

[doomednarrative]

Guy who is so mad that he got stabbed

[whysopasta]

remember when tim brought a knife to a gun fight and won

[textsfromslenderverse]

[diary-of-a-people-pleaser]

Entry 86, 5-8-21

Hi. Let me introduce myself to you formally. I forgot that I… didn’t do that,,,,, at all………..

So my name is ██ ██. Or at least that’s what it is right now. I’m not sure who I am, really. Maybe it will change, I never particularly liked it. I have bad memory and I’m the boy who has everything. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I know that I’m trying. I think that, overall, I’m at my worst so far. I’m trying to figure everything out but it’s all so hard. I can’t remember anything. I can’t remember how I used to be. I don’t remember what I even am. I have to take in-the-moment context clues to understand my current personality. As I’m currently divorced from the title of people-pleaser, I can’t say I am one, but I do believe there’s a possibility I suffer from something other than average teenager hormones that leads me to act wrong. Also, I’ve been going through this separate fake thing where I change my personality every now and then but I’m not sure it’s a real personality change or just me being delusional. Probably the latter tbh. So far I’ve not been diagnosed with anything, as I’ve avoided medical professionals like the plague, and honestly it can only be anxiety, let's be real here. Any emotional volitility is due to the fact that my brain chemistry is doing the thing it does where it acts stupid due to puberty. As such, that’s not the real me and will subside. So I’m not sure what you can trust from this diary.

[getmybuzzup]

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