From: Just the benefits by Beeyotch
a short story by: Katrina Paola Andes
Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko na magpumiglas ng hawakan niya ang braso ko. How dare he touch me
“Mag usap naman tayo” sabi niya
“Mag usap? Para saan? As far as I remember, you and I are strangers to each other, diba?”
He looked at me with eyes pleading. Oo Yno, tama yan, magdusa ka sa desisyong pinili mo
“Don’t you dare” I said. Magkahalong poot at sakit ang nararamdaman ko ngayon, bakit kung kailan ayos na ko saka ka pa ulit magpapakita?
“Wag na wag mong subukang humarap sakin na parang wala kang ginawang mali, Yno. And don’t try to bring the past back kasi baka makalimutan ko na talaga kung sino ka ba talaga sa buhay ko”
Four years. It was long overdue and yet nandito nanaman siya. Barging into my life as if he’s like someone who did great way back then. Pero hindi. He’s the worst nightmare I had
“I didn’t had a choice Za!”
“You had. Pero mas pinili mo akong saktan”
He looked so defeated that he turned his back on me and start wiping something from his face. Umiiyak ba siya? What a joke, Zari. Yno Travis Givano doesn’t give a shit about the people around him, so bakit ka naman niya iiyakan?
Minutes had passed and he still managed to be silent. Aalis na sana ako ng magsalita ulit siya
I was confused. Ano nanamang pakulo ba ang gusto nito ha
Humarap siya sakin at pilit na ngumiti kahit halatang galing siya sa pag iyak
“Give me three days to prove you that I deserve a second chance, Za. Just three days”
I laughed with what he said
“I’ve learned life in the hardiest possible way, Yno. Kaya kung ano mang laro yang naiisip mo, just stop. I don’t want you in my life anymore. Period.”
He smiled and chuckled a bit
“Still the same Zareiah I knew, huh?”
I was shookt for a moment. What the? How can he suddenly switch emotions so fast? Is he some kind of a creep now or what?
“You could always run away from me Zareiah, pero lagi mong tandaan na sakin at sakin ka lang babagsak. Hanggat hindi mo ko binibigyan ng chance na magpaliwanag sayo about da nakaraan natin, then I’m not gonna stop bugging you”
“You stop there, Yno. Is this some kind of a play to you?” I lashed out. Ang kapal talaga ng mukha niya
“No, love. Ipapakita ko lang sayo na talagang seryoso ako sayo. Mula noon, hanggang ngayon”
“Cut your bullshits Mr. Givano. I’m done with you”
I started walking away when he suddenly grabbed my arm again. Lagi nalang ba talaga kong hihilahin?
“Ano ba? Bitawan mo nga ako!”
He smiled and there I saw the man I once loved. Yung Yno na mahal na mahal ako. Yung Yno na hinding hindi ako sasaktan at iiwan. Yung Yno na tanggap lahat ng pagkakamali ko sa buhay kasi he always says that life would not end just because of your mistakes. That you can still improve your self and be a better person.
But life will just break all your thoughts and put you back in reality. Na hindi na mababalik pa ang nakaraan. Na kahit anong mangyari, mananatili at mananatili pa din sa isipan ko lahat ng naganap noon. No excuses asked kasi tapos na. Nangyari na
I snapped back to reality when someone called me. I tried looking around pero di ko na makita si Yno. What was that? Am I imagining things again?
“Girl, anong nangyayari sayo?”
It was Mitch. My friend. And then I remember na we’re here at their rest house in Tagaytay. Funny how I escape reality but then it always makes me think about him pa din
“I was just thinking things” I said to her
“Yeah? You look shit, girl! Wag ka nga umiyak. It makes me think talaga na di ka pa maka move on dun sa ex mo na ayaw mong ikwento sakin eh”
I laughed. It’s true, sa apat na taon ko na kasama si Mitch, never ko nakwento sakaniya yung about samin ni Yno. I just don’t want to remember all the pain I’ve been through kaya ayokong ikwento
I wiped my oh so tears, ang hell yes, meron nga. Funny you, Za!
“So ano? Totoo nga? Omg girl, it’s been four years! Tama na ang pagiging martyr mo sa lalaking yun. He doesn’t deserve you!”
“Oh yeah? And who deserves me, Mitch?”
She smiled wickedly and pointed someone at my back. I already had an idea pero still, I looked and confirmed it
There he is, he’s brother, Kaizer
“Hey Zareiah. Andito ka din pala”
“Yes. I feel like I need the air to breathe. Suffocating na sa city eh”
He laughed. One thing about Mitch’s brother? Napaka dali niyang maka close dahil sa mabait na aura niya
Lumapit siya dala dala ang mga snacks na isang katerba at umupo sa kabilang table lang namin. And there starts our day. Habang nag uusap kami ni Kaizer, nakikita ko sa peripheral vision ko ang naka ngisi na si Mitch. Well, yes, he ships me with his brother, pero me and Kaizer don’t feel the same way towards each other so we’re quits. Ewan ko lang talaga dito kay Mitch kung anong trip sa buhay
Napunta ang usapan namin sa napaka daming topic, hanggang sa di ko namalayan na gabi na pala. We should head our way back home na since may pasok pa kami kinabukasan. But when I saw Mitch sleeping soundly on the sofa holding a bottle of JD’s, I knew na ako nalang ako makakauwi nito mag isa sa Makati
“What a way to start your Monday’s, Mitch” bulong ko. Pero mukhang narinig ng katabi ko kasi natawa nanaman siya
“Will you still head back to Makati? Gabi na”
“Hindi pwedeng hindi eh. I really need to go back”
I said, preparing for my exit. Tumayo din si Kaizer saka lumabas sa sala, maybe he’ll sleep na din
Kinuha ko na yung bag ko and ready na sana ako lumabas sa main door when I saw him approaching with his keys in his hand
“Let’s go, ihahatid na kita”
“No no, it’s okay Kai. Kaya ko namang umuwi mag isa, I have my car with me”
“I’ll drive, gabi na din. Baka kung ano pa mangyari sayo sa daan”
I just nodded and followed him outside. Pumayag na ko kasi alam ko namang di din siya magpapa pigil. Knowing Kaizer? This gentleman will not leave a girl behind
If only I met him sooner, baka sakaniya ako nahulog. He’s a perfect guy, pero yun nga lang, not enough for someone like me who’s a wreck
It took hours before we reach the condo building I’m staying, and when we arrived, I thanked him and he bid his goodbye’s din agad. Gusto niya daw na makapag pahinga na din ako agad and adviced me to atleast still rest before going to school for tomorrow
I waved my hand as soon as the car maneuver away from the building. Paharap na sana ako sa lobby ng building when I saw someone familiar, standing meters away from where I am
I felt like my system heated up. Andito siya. Hindi na to panaginip or imagination. He really is standing meters away from me. He still looks dashing. Well, as always
I was glued on the floor when he neared me. His hands still resting inside his pockets
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even speak. What’s happening to you, Za! Wag naman sa harap ng lalaki na to
“Is that your boyfriend? Yung naghatid sayo?”
With my eyes still stucked in his face, and my mouth shut, alam ko na naisip niya na baka totoo nga ang hinala niya. Pero why would it matter, though? Tapos na kami diba?
Napatango siya saka ngumiti
He was about to turn his back when I speaked
It took him some time before facing me again
“I just thought of dropping here for the mean time to see you and ask for forgiveness. Nothing more, Za.”
I was halfly disappointed but then, what matters? Wala na nga pala kami
“You should know by now na di ako madaling makalimot Yno”
“Ofcourse. What I did was unacceptable. I deserve everything you’re treating me”
Di ako makapag isip ng susunod ko na sasabihin. This isn’t supposed to be mg reaction In seeing him. I should have lashed out and scream how bastard he is. Pero bakit ganito? Bakit mas nananaig sakin na marinig yung paliwanag at boses niya? Bakit ko siya na m-miss? Hindi dapat ganto eh. Ang unfair
Hot set of tears falled in my eyes unintentionally. I saw how Yno’s reaction fastly changed. He’s shock of seeing me cry. He was about to come near me but I stopped him
Ayoko nang umasa pa sakaniya. Pagod na ko
“Just leave, please” tinalikuran ko siya habang patuloy pa din na bumabagsak ang mga luha ko. I can’t afford to see myself breaking down in front of the man who broke me
“Bakit ka umiiyak, Za” he said in his softest voice
“Stop crying, please love” and there I broke down
Lumapit siya sakin at niyakap ako ng mahigpit. I can feel the stares from the people around us but then I don’t care. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ba talaga tong nararamdaman ko. I’m too fed up by all the hatred and anger na inipon ko sa sarili ko
Nagpadala ako sa galit ko at mga hinanaing kay Yno. And where did it took me? Kinagalitan ko siya without knowing the whole reason why he left. But then I’m just hurt. And it still hurts
“Love, I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me. Alam ko na nagkamali ako pero I had my reasons. Parang awa mo na pakinggan mo ako. Kasi miss na miss na kita, love. I miss you so so much” he said with his voice breaking down
“Give me a chance please. I promise to not easily give you up anymore. Ipaglalaban na kita sakanila Zareiah. Hindi na ko maduduwag”
With his words, I hugged him back. Too much years was wasted. I don’t want another year to end again with just the traps of the people who doesn’t want us to be happy. Pagod na ko, oo. Pero siya at siya lang din ang magiging pahinga ko. Kay Yno lang ako makaka ramdam ng kapahingahan
“Stay this time Yno. Please, don’t break me again. Hindi ko na kakayanin”
He nodded and instead of answering me, he slowly pulled me and gave me a kiss. A kiss made under the moon and night starts. With the people looking at us, and outside the building who managed to see the times I was mourning when he left
Hindi madaling magpatawad, hindi madaling makalimot. Pero hindi ka din magiging masaya kung iikot lang ang buhay mo sa pagkikimkim ng galit. There would always be upside and downside times where we will feel hurt and joy at the same time. But love always win. Love will always put us back to where we are.
I, Zareiah Lysandro, close my life journey with a heartwarming feeling of forgiving someone who hurt me way back then but still finds peace and love with that same person.
