its Them. in the acceptance stage barry sometimes forgets that they are actually fighting rn and starts answering thawne's speed force physics voice over of his actions. then thawne also starts forgetting himself back and saving people he put in danger in the first place as they go too, not even noticing that until barry points it out.
'-yes because isnt that fascinating?-' 'i know right?? the speed force has so many aspects and grants us so many abilities i can actually-' 'OHHH i already know what you mean to-' my dudes that building is going DOWN with PEOPLE STILL INSIDE and ONE OF YOU JUST CAUSED IT fuck yall yappin about 😭😭
so, i've finally read hg wells' the time machine! pt 3
previous part
6 weena... weena. god. the time traveller saves her from drowning while her own people completely ignored that, then she develops a fascination with him, gifts him with a special garland, overall constantly puts flowers in his pockets as she decides thats what the pockets are made for, and follows him literally everywhere (with a small exception of morlocks' factories) which ultimately gets her killed. first, THIS. IS EXACTLY WHAT SHAPED THAWNE'S IDEA OF A DEFINITELY SUCCESSFUL INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP START. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY HE MAKES THE DECISION TO CAUSE DANGER TO PEOPLE'S LIVES SO THEY SEE HIM AS THEIR HERO WHEN HE SAVES THEM AND HE GETS THIS EXACT ADMIRATION. second.. barry in thawne's mind IS that exact savior from the past who carries long forgotten morals and hope. nobody cared about him and his struggles in his own time, just like none of eloi gave a fuck about weena drowning, so naturally the devotion and following everywhere. because weena feels safe with the time traveller and knows that he would protect her while no one else would. because barry is the only comfort source for thawne, bringing him the same feeling of security and hope through every struggle and mistreatment in his life, even though he hasnt actually met him. yeah i cannot even begin to imagine how many times he daydreamed something like that with barry. and the fact that one day He appears in 25th century for real?? and it goes THAT wrong in the end?? and then in rs when he goes to 21st century and just follows barry around and suddenly witnesses everysecondisagift scene, which gets him as a fan 'killed' too?? sidenote: the entire relationship, as much as it can even be said about eloi and their perception and intellegence (it is explicitly stated countless times by the time traveller that they are literally children in that way (and even more often when talking about weena), even when he gets to know them better beyond the sun pointing, whatever the FUCK movie authors thought and saw in the book, i presume fucking nothing, making weena his full on love interest is beyond any of my understanding), so reads as queerplatonic. the time traveller overall also reads to me as aroace rep, having only one single love of his life - the time itself. ALSO. I BELIEVE IT IS ENTIRELY FUCKING POSSIBLE HE DIDNT GET WEENA'S GENDER RIGHT TO BEGIN WITH BECAUSE THERE IS NO CLEAR GENDER DISTINCTION IN ELOI'S APPEARANCE OR VOICE AND JUST ASSUMED ITS FEMALE BECAUSE OF THE HAND KISSING THING AS QUEER RELATIONSHIPS ARE SO VERY STIGMATIZED AND BARELY ACKNOWLEDGED IN HIS TIME THE IDEA NEVER CROSSES HIS MIND. time traveller's unreliable and inevitably biased narration my beloved!!
and THIS, THIS SEGMENT, IN PARTICULAR, IS EXACTLY WHERE THAWNE GOT HIS IDEA OF WHAT TRUE ATTACHMENT AND LOVE AND DEVOTION LOOKS LIKE. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. THE ENTIRE DESCRIPTION IS LITERALLY WHAT HE DREAMS OF HAVING WITH BARRY AND SO DESPERATELY TRIES TO ACHIEVE IN REALITY. THE EXACT HOPE THAT BARRY WOULD SEE IN THE END, REALIZE EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS OWN ACTIONS HARMING THAWNE AND HOW MUCH THEY BOTH MEAN TO EACH OTHER AND ALL THE REASONS WHY, JUST LIKE THE TIME TRAVELLER ADMITS TO DOING HERE. AND ALL BECAUSE HE THINKS THIS IS WHAT SHAPED BARRY TOO!!!! BRB, KILLING MYSELF.
7. THERE IS A FUCKING 8028 CENTURY MUSEUM HE FINDS ANOTHER BOX OF MATCHES IN, YALL. I WAS NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAID LITERAL PROPHECY OF EOBARD THAWNE. and if you want to, you can even stretch this one out to the jurassic league death lmao
8 this scene is SO very dear to me. first of all, according to this, THAWNE'S COSPLAY IN RS IS MORE BOOK-ACCURATE THAN THE FUCKING 2002 MOVIE HIS OUTFIT IS MOSTLY BASED OFF, AND IN FACT MORE ACCURATE THAN BOTH OF THE MOVIES (with the small exception of thawne's futuristically merged boots and pants). BECAUSE IN THE SOURCE MATERIAL THE TIME TRAVELLER IS WEARING A FUCKING TAILCOAT.
AND THE WAY THAWNE PROBABLY CONSIDERED WHICH ADAPTATION AND DESIGN WOULD BE KNOWN TO BARRY THE MOST?? THE WAY HE MUST HAVE EXPECTED BARRY TO SEE AND APPRECIATE THE BOOK ACCURACY BUT AT THAT ALSO MADE IT HARDER TO RECOGNIZE RIGHT AWAY WITH REPLACING HARTDEGEN'S JACKET/COAT AND MENTIONING ONLY THE TEACHER THEME BUT NOT THE TIME MACHINE IN ADDITION TO ALL OTHER PROBLEMS BARRY HAS ON HIS MIND WITH THE EVENTS OF RS?? i have officially finished my life. second oh my fucking god. the way this guy is written SO alive and silly and emotionally rich. hes definitely my blorbo even outside of all the parallels too. third. THE LAST FUCKING SENTENCE?? INSANE. MY ALL TIME FAVORITE LINE OF ANY MEDIA. ALSO AGAIN, HOW HAS THAWNE NEVER QUOTED THAT
9 playing with fire arent we. certified loser at that too
yeah GUESS WHO ELSE DID?? AND GUESS THE CONTEXT, GIVEN WHERE HE GETS THE IDEA OF THE BRILLIANT LIFE THREAT->RESQUE->PRAISE AND GRATITUDE SCHEME FROM?? AND GIVEN WHERE IT ACTUALLY LEADS HIM INSTEAD TOO, SINCE THE TIME TRAVELLER LOST WEENA IN THAT FOREST FIRE??
out of that, i am positively convinced that thawne had an nd fascination with matches because of this book. while living in a time they are likely pretty hard to find because they would be completely useless in everyday life with all the tech advancement for the past 4 centuries. probably asking for some on some of his birthdays too. and i can vividly see the accident above being set up using a match with a glowing face expression ('im just like barry AND like the time traveller. so what if that fire was accidental. mine also 'is'. ')
10 yeah. most amazing time, yall. definitely coming back for more!
(sigh. THAWNECORE with how he loves barry and being a speedster even through all the suffering of rejections fights and deaths. also obviously chronic loneliness theme and loss of idealized image of barry bc of everysecondisagift also CONTINUED POINT OF HOPE THAT BARRY SOMEDAY WILL REALIZE EVERYTHING AND HOW MUCH HE NEEDED THAWNE IN RETURN THE ENTIRE TIME AFTER LOSING HIM AND THROUGH ALL THE PAIN AND TORMENT HE CAUSED HIM AS REVERSE-FLASH. dear fucking god, we really can squint and see the completely fucked up cosmic timeless codependency thawne thinks he has with barry in this)
11 post-reset feverdream continuation foreshadowing too.... what DOESNT this fucking book have, at this point.
12 and then he proceeds to disappear forever (die.). pov usual tuesday at the flash museum in 25th century and ALSO barry dying in that one crisis.
i really have to wonder if thawne projected his own desire to save barry from the crisis onto. barry and the time traveller due to thinking he had the same obsession with him and hence the same tragedy of his death perception. while the time traveller is still at the same time thawne's literally_me.jpg thought obvious to barry by him at the very least after rs.
13 oh thawne DEFINITELY ate concrete repeatedly over that closing line in different phases of his fan life. i just know it.
also, thawne leaving flowers of his time to barry along with ruining his life as he stalks him and does his itwasmebarry things in the period when barry knows and is aware of that.. barry (initially) not seeing Why Exactly those flowers on his desk, in his pockets, at his doorstep, thinking its usual incomprehensible weirdness of thawne's crush..... grhgghrggrhrghhhh
overall. given all of the above. i confirm that 1 thawne and the time traveller have WAY more in common than the time traveller and barry and are in fact almost the same person. 2 thawne definitely thinks barry was as obsessed with the time traveller as he is obsessed with barry himself. HENCE. thinking he is exact barry's type in men. AFTER CONSCIOUSLY AND NOT SO MODELING HIMSELF AFTER THE TIME TRAVELLER OUT OF THAT. and at one point deciding that a part of their problem is that barry somehow cant see it, hence rs cosplay to make things even more obvious. 'i know every bit of your history and every corner of your mind, i AM everything you could possibly want. LOOK. EVERY SINGLE THING checks out. why cant YOU see that?' 3 if we take thawne=the time traveller thesis even further. IN A WAY, HES ALWAYS BEEN WITH BARRY, ON HIS MIND, IN HIS LIFE AS A MAIN CHARACTER OF ONE HIS FAVORITE BOOKS EVEN BEFORE ALL THE TIMELINE CHANGES AND STALKING. JUST LIKE BARRY HAS WITH THAWNE, ONLY NOT DIRECTLY. additionally, 4, FUCKING CW, where thawne takes identity of a dude with the last name wells who CANONICALLY AND DIRECTLY WAS BARRY'S ROLE MODEL AND INSPIRATION?? who they build a SPHERICAL TIME MACHINE, THE EXACT FORM ITS DESCRIBED IN THE NOVEL, at the end of s1?? yea kiIling myself. and we havent even touched the subject of the time machine movie adaptations yet. dear fucking god help me. long story short they are fucking horrible (both directing teams SO clearly read only the first 3-4 chapters, if any, and decided that was fucking enough to make the time machine movie. makes me wonder if there are any decent adaptations past 21st century till 25th, considering such luck. @ eo if you are reading this we SO need to talk. is the situation any better!! i need to know!!) but at the same time add so many more thawne parallels. including 60's time traveller's name george, implying he is hg wells himself referred to by his second name, since we're talking cw. and so much more to come and be highlighted in a proper movie review post(s). idk when, ive been writing this instead of the fucking paper i promised to send jan 8-12 for the past three days.
(another genius name from me! history: i once compared williamson's run to a fever dream because nothing there fucking makes sense when you start thinking about it and especially speedster villains writing, then how you cant wake up and your only hope is to try and make it lucid to have at least some control then joked about thawne being the only one who woke up but in another dream at the end of f*nish l*ne. after that the Thoughts were thought about thawne's nightmares and fears and what he would see if he experienced a sleep paralysis and everything escalated to postf*nishl*ne nightmares containing lost memories of his past reverse-flash life)
summary: post-finish line continuation focused on thawne where he is slowly losing his mind because lets be for fucking real: he never was the person to be content with quiet curator life. he never was exactly mentally healthy to begin with and the flash in his life is his only meaning to it. when he remembers everything and gets his powers back, he is hurt and mad at barry way, way more because not only barry tried to forget him by making thawne forget all his history with barry but locked him up in a living hell and didnt care to properly check on him at least twice, therefore post-feverdream reverse-flash is even more unstable and dangerous than he ever was. ((note: i highly recommend reading this post first to get a more clear view on my stance on the f*nish l*ne ending and why the continuation is like That cause i aint retyping all this here))
the lore:
feverdream phase:
the distinction between thawne's fears in his reverse era and feverdream era (aka powerless curator era aka postf*nishl*ne era) in question: while reverse!thawne's sleep paralysis demon would be barry forgiving him, forgetting him, leaving forever or coming to kill him for good this time and thawne not even being able to move (and can you even imagine the effect it would have on someone whose powers are all about moving faster than everyone else.), curator!thawne's is 1. reverse-flash. as the phase progresses, he gets gradually closer to thawne's bed. near the end, eobard can see him smiling smugly right at him, right next to him and looking exactly like him. in the last moments before thawne wakes up, reverse-flash slowly begins to remove his mask. 2. barry hating him for Something hes not even aware of or can recall, silently looking at him with disappointment, disgust, judging, not approving or straight up saying stuff like he did in rs while being negative speed force-poisoned. it progresses into often being the same image of barry wanting to kill him just like he killed reverse-flash that reverse!thawne would experience.
every night thawne sees fragments of his past life as reverse-flash and based on them or mixed with them made up nightmares. for example, he sees the 'its the only time' scene and after barry's response 'you are so... pathetic' it gets progressively worse, barry says even more hurtful stuff than he originally did, then eobard wakes up and has yet another sleep paralysis in completion to that. he has absolutely no idea what his brain is drawing such colorful and specific nightmare scenarios from and he really doesnt like that.
he has nightmares consisting of the exact events of f*nish l*ne often but despite the forgiveness theme they feel so much worse than any direct hatred scenes which drives eobard mad as he has no clue why he feels so worthless, so hurt and helpless from being overall kindly treated by barry now.
progressively, his image of barry as something he turned to for comfort his entire life gets ruined to the point he cant even find a refuge in his flash hyperfixation like he used to. at some point, he puts his flash plushie he never spent a night without since the childhood away because it starts to only induce more anxiety onto him. 'even though i had no one in my life, his sense of hope was a light in the darkness of the future. and as long as i had that... i was never alone.', huh? scratch that. that foreword becomes meaningless now. looking back to when he wrote it makes thawne desperately wonder when and how and why did it all go so wrong.
he tried to do the speed force research and give himself powers like he was meant to originally but since the only thing he needs to achieve that is the time capsule with the flash's suit and it got erased or became out of his reach with the reset in some kind of way to prevent him from becoming a speedster and therefore meeting barry, he eventually lets everyone (especially his therapists. they probably know better, right? theyre certified professionals, after all) convince him that its a myth, the field of research is useless and that he is (definitely should be) content with the curator job/fate. the nightmares begin short time after that.
thawne wakes up in a cold sweat every day. thawne constantly feels like he keeps waking up in someone else's life. thawne starts tiring himself staying overclock so that he has less time to sleep (which just. increases the probability of having a nightmare and/or sleep paralysis.) and having panic attacks. his mental condition worsens more and more. thawne curls up on his bed and cries after coming home from work every 2-3 days because he cant even pinpoint what exactly is wrong but he cant take it anymore. every day he goes to the museum (a giant flash monument) from his flat (his own private monument to barry) and back and feels cornered in both places. in the background of his mind there constantly is one thought that doesnt really form into words or conscious realization: its already happened before. its already happened before. its already happened before. ((this is especially about the period between first meeting and trip to 21st century. i call it feverdream test sample cause i believe all his therapy and progress was just gaslighting himself about not feeling anything about the fight (+ implied barry's disappointment by it ever taking place) which had to start because thawne couldnt see how his 25th Century Flash activity could possibly be wrong and refused to make up for it before losing the fight and actually barry was completely right and i am indeed not fit for the role of the flash.))
thawne cant bring himself to look at 2 things: the reverse-flash statues, especially when he started realizing they all have his facial features because of the dreams (and basically everything else that will remind him of reverse-flash); his own reflection in the mirrors for the same reason, desperately trying not to think about that. both of those have uncanny valley effect on him. he cuts the reverse-flash history sections in his tours more and more short and avoids the museum's reverse wing as much as possible, quickening his step when passing by it, trying to escape the irrational and suffocating fear that the yellow suit, and further on just the yellow color even on kid flashes induces onto him. the curator job in general developed to cause thawne only nauseating feelings, but at the same time he realizes any other work will feel even worse for him. he switched from a great number of therapists because of that.
he genuinely doesnt understand what he did so wrong to get barry in his head so mad at him that he became the voice of self loathing instead of the only comfort source he ever had. and technically, he never did anything both from his memories and resetted timeline perspective since he never did anything but dedicate his life to the flash. he never even had the chance to actually meet barry. more, he had it once and barry took it. again, do you even imagine what this realization could do to a man who went reverse-flash mode bc of 1 single phrase last time, ESPECIALLY in the life period when he's about to lose it because of the mental illness multiplied by reverse era memories slipping through his nightmares.
because there is little to no info about the reverse-flash in 25th century and ESPECIALLY about what he actually felt for barry besides blind obsessive hatred since the reset, thawne doesnt realize right away he's playing his exact role in all the nightmares. thawne thinks that the feelings of love for barry is his own contribution to the dreams because reverse-flash couldnt possibly love barry and do All Of This to him at the same time. reverse-flash consists exclusively of burning hatred for flash and his family, right? right?? not mentioning the flash fan era events, even the dreams where barry beats him up for uhh Something? and hes not even able to defend himself even though he is consumed by so much emotional pain and humiliation and unfairness and both of them are in the red suits, that is coming exclusively from thawne's own mind because there is no way reverse-flash, of ALL people would be a flash fan, WEAR a flash suit himself at any point! that would be ridiculous! anyway, that seemingly clear line between them in his mind crumbles as one night he finally sees himself proudly making and putting on his new yellow almost-exact-reverse-flash suit based on kid flashes' color which leaves him utterly confused and terrified when he wakes up.
when thawne tells his therapists about those dreams and being the reverse-flash in there, they explain it as his black-white thinking making him assume that based on the intrusive thoughts of him doing something wrong to the flash the flash must hate him without a single possibility for any kind of redemption. and reverse-flash is someone barry hated the most. reverse-flash is the most irredeemable person that can come to a flash expert's mind. as to the reason, thawne probably subconsciously thinks he betrayed barry by ditching the speed force research (but that is still totally okay since its useless anyway! you should not define your worth as a person with a single fail and find some other meaning to your life! simple curator life is enough!). he doesnt tell them everything he experiences and still masks a lot as he realizes he would be forcibly hospitalized if he did, so obviously he never gets any serious help (assuming it even exists in the 25th century). despite that, at the peak of this phase the entire carefully built and maintained facade cracks and thawne is only one tiny step away from an institutionalization.
despite thawne acting all 😇🤗<3 at work and being perfectly polite, other museum staff also starts getting the uncanny valley effect and avoiding thawne, not even knowing why exactly or being able to explain. thawne notices that his presence causes anxiety not only to him but everyone around. this worsens his mental state and chronic loneliness in particular even more.
naturally, he starts questioning official history of reverse-flash and even somewhat understanding him against his will and goes quite literally insane about it. as he gets closer to the feverdream phase culmination, he starts making remarks each time someone in the museum speaks about reverse-flash and how much of a monster he was that there is not enough information to state that in a slightly too personal of a tone. which weirds everyone around out even more, considering thawne was the first to claim that reverse-flash was irredeemable, his hatred for barry was completely unreasonable and his death well-deserved before.
as the phase progresses, his outfits' color schemes slowly shift from mostly red with yellow (still feeling comfortable with the flash's image and having no life; feeling closer to him that way) to mostly green (opposite of red, subconsciously trying to escape the pressure his work and hyperfixation puts on him) and then to the small incorporations of yellow shades. (basically, that makes curator thawne from the post-reset scene in f*nish l*ne like 4 days before the culmination of that agony (also making 'its hard to imagine a life, full of such hatred. that's just not the way to live' line an INSANE coping+denial+masking in front of visitors. god. cant even begin to imagine the breakdown he had right after that tour. the kid that asked a question about the statue has no fucking clue what he just caused to the esteemed curator considering how much effort thawne puts in avoiding the statues and trying to hide how actually afraid he is of these yellow fuckers (whose idea even was it to put it in the main hall that day??) at THIS point of feverdream phase). that makes barry not checking on thawne twice or at least a little bit longer before deciding yeah hes totally ok no thoughts further feel even more guilty of all the mess above. and god forbid barry ever mentions this fact in postfeverdream encounters, just imagine how much more it will additionally devastate thawne. to know not only he wanted to forget him just because thawne wanted the opposite but didnt even care enough to examine the results of his actions properly.)
the culmination of this phase falls on thawne's birthday. he finds himself in his empty flat (all still covered in barry-related stuff) looking at the piece of cake he got himself (because he gets himself a piece of cake every year) and its a cake with red frosting (because he gets himself a cake with red frosting every year) and he realizes there is not a single person that wants to talk to him or that he wants to talk to. he asks himself 'what did i do on my last birthday?' but cant remember the right answer. 'what did i do on my last birthday? what did i do on my last birthday? what did i do on my last birthday?
postfeverdream phase:
with no time capsule and the original flash suit, hunter zolomon becomes the one who gets thawne out of this hellscape. my dude returns from the speed force, intending to just check out what he has missed and the possible timeline changes and finds curator thawne sitting in some corner of the archives and having a panic attack. doesnt matter whether hunter is in his True Flash (mind you, thawne's original one. that he never got from the capsule in this timeline. this is so gonna backfire on them both) or zoom suit, thawne freaks out even more when he sees him in both scenarios. after hunter witnesses this horrifying picture, never expecting to see thawne in tears and so scared of him, eo immediately regains the 'poor little meow meow' status and the flashfam regain their 'unfixable hypocrites' status. imagine you sacrifice yourself for them, making barry promise to find out why exactly thawne ruined both their lives only to revive and find out he willingly didnt do shit (i dont think hunter would percieve 'thawne just needed to distract barry by creating zoom' as the real reason) and prioritized his mental health at the cost of fucking thawne's up 200 times over.
unfortunately for hunter, when thawne remembers everything and stabilizes a bit he also remembers hunter stealing his flash ring with the original flash suit and wearing it while claiming to be the True Flash ((WORSE IF HES STILL WEARING IT. which is sadly totally in fucking character since hunter is even worse at putting 2 and 2 about thawne together than barry so im 1 step away from making it canon here)). and since it is basically the same 'take away something very dear and flash related without consent (or even knowledge)' kind of action barry did with thawne's memories and powers, he gets triggered (eo is not only drawing the Parallels to barry's betrayal but also 100% assuming first thing that hunter was the one who took it not from his closet or whatever it was after rs death but from the time capsule, preventing him from becoming a speedster and causing all of the above, too) and kills him for that in one of the cruelest ways possible which shows that postfeverdream!reverse-flash is more unstable and dangerous than ever before. rip. ((hunter i am so sorry to do this to you and i hate to give you the same dumb death fate you and eo got going on as every other dc writer does but this is the only logical and organic outcome for this. if you ever meet thawne after that stunt, objectively, you are fucked. even if it was a more stable original source thawne and not a freshly retraumatized one. also as you can guess this was written before they brought zoom back in current run))
if it wasnt for hunter's return, i think thawne wouldve attempted suicide. yes he is usually not the one to actively want to die but with no way out and his hyperfixation comfort (only one in his life!) turning nightmare the only remaining option would be to end his own existence.
he also gets back at each of his past therapists that assured him he couldn't possibly be the reverse-flash and that curator life is something to be grateful for (considering how many he had in his life, it is entirely possible that all of the 25th century cc's therapists are dead in the most horrifying ways as a result. godspeed's crusade on suspected criminals in his first appearance arc stands nowhere near this.)
in a way, thawne is subconsciously prepared for regaining his memories and realizing, accepting that he actually is reverse-flash with all the nightmares and intrusive thoughts he experienced in feverdream phase. prepared for the following hatred for barry beginning to burn inside him with a new force, never seen before even in reverse-flash's history. and in a way, the revelation, no, the confirmation that he was the reverse-flash this entire time was relieving, liberating even, because it meant he doesnt have to be a powerless curator that doesnt matter anything anymore. he no longer has to question his whole life and endlessly wonder what is so wrong with it. he no longer has to feel trapped inside a cage of reality that feels artificially constructed so much (turns out, yes, it literally was. that feeling was legitimate, he was right the whole time). he no longer has to try and accept it. no longer has to try and calm himself with 'i am just That mentally ill. it will pass. it has to eventually', which meant that it is only his internal problem and fault with no objective external reasons whatsoever, and he definitely no longer has to let anyone else convince him so. relatively speaking, rediscovery of himself as the reverse-flash and return to his role in flash's history and life could be called the peace and tranquility the reset was intended to be. stability. certainty in this being the natural order of things and finally returning to it. the only constant of the always changing timeline. everything is finally back at its right places. he is still hurt incomprehensibly, his mental condition is still terrible, worse than first reverse-flash era and definetely seems worse than feverdream years from outside perspective but it is nowhere near the living hell of indeterminacy, the whole world crumbling before your eyes while nobody else seems to see it and every single aspect of your life feeling mixed, alienating, wrong at its core of feverdream phase.
visually, his lightnings become more intense, some of them having a black center still emitting red light when hes at his worst, making red a dominant color of his image when he moves (the irony of that!). even when he stands still, they crackle around him in an amount that depends on whether he experiences the Hatred and Pain acutely or in a more passive way. not only his eyes glow red, his tears are also lit up with a lighter but still visibly red shade, making it seem like he doesnt have flesh and blood under his skin but pure negative speed force lightning stream (can we really be sure that its only a visual impression and not what he now actually is after all these years of psychological torment?). he rapidly switches between going different base speed and vibration frequencies in a close to somewhat higher than normal human metrics range based on the intensity of his feelings at the moment, too; he cant really control that in this mental state nor does he care to attempt so. it also makes his whole image seem to be trembling. there are thousands of emotions and thoughts of different grades and nature running through his mind in mere milliseconds, hes constantly spiralling down especially thinking about/confronting someone who (he believes) played a part in his reset life and as a result he moves and speaks very erratically most of the time now (basically what you would get with the 'too many thoughts at too high velocity drove him mad' origin explanation if done thoroughly and actually affecting his behavior beyond basic antisocial tendencies he has everywhere else), especially from non-speedster perspective. another huge contributing factor is that hes done with trying to mask and repress all of that and conform as a Good Member Of Society.
when thawne finds barry and crying from anger describes everything his life has become because of the reset, there is no limit to how much barry is shocked to find all that out and how much he blames himself for it. basically repeating the flashpoint in a 'good noble intentions that fuck everything over so bad there is no going back to how it once was' way, thinking breaking thawne's neck all these timelines ago the point of no return for them, this boi can NOT fuck with time without disastrous (and obvious if you think about it for longer than 1 minute.) consequences for his life. and the thing that drives me (and barry for sure. god hes gonna feel SO much guilt it will be comparable to thawne's after their first fight and in the feverdream phase combined) most insane is that his rhetoric about giving up thinking about thawne because thats what he would want him to do turned out almost lethally for thawne. there is no healthy way of separation for those two. no peaceful or happy ending. no other way their relationship can ever be just because Thawne Is Like That and now they actually are past the point of no return.
'WHY did you do this to me?? WHY would you say that you forgive me right before locking me up in a LIVING HELL??? before making me COMPLETELY POWERLESS TO EVER GET OUT???? before TAKING EVERY SINGLE NICE THING I EVER HAD FROM ME???? WHAT IS SO FORGIVING ABOUT THIS, BARRY????'
after the feverdream phase ends, thawne develops a drastically new mindset about barry not deserving any of his love, worship and attempts to spend time with of the first reverse-flash era. and no, his crush doesnt dissolve into thin air. none of the base feelings change except for thawne's opinion on them and meaning to hurting barry back (he hates himself for the residual sympathy and the way his heart skips a beat when barry tries to apologize and offer to try and fix it big time. barry, poor sweet soul, tries to HUG him for the first time in forever because no words seem to be working and just make it worse instead and thawne, standing so unnaturally still, tears flowing down at an inhuman speed, voice shaking, softly and bitterly in a LARGE contrast to all the fighting shouting and accusing just a moment ago 'too little... too late, flash. and youre the only one to blame for this.' recollecting himself and pushing barry away by punching him, continuing the fight with a new wave of anger and sorrow 'YOU cared NOTHING when i still worshipped you, YOU did NOTHING when i still needed this, when i would still so DESPERATELY hope for something, ANYTHING AT ALL FROM YOU and NOW, after EVERYTHING, after i finally gave up, after i FINALLY see you for what you are, after i FINALLY CAME FOR YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR IN YOUR HAPPY LITTLE LIFE, you DARE to try and reconcile, in such a pathetic and insulting way?? fuck you, barry. you deserve nothing. and youre going to WISH i simply killed you and everyone you care about for that. you think you regret this? you know NOTHING yet.'). reverse-flash era is 'i will make you suffer, quietly hoping that you'll Realize how wrong you were and change your ways in relation to me', postfeverdream reverse-flash era is 'SLEEP WITH YOUR EYES OPEN MOTHERFUCKER IMA RECREATE THE EXACT HELL YOU PUT ME THROUGH A THOUSAND TIMES, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU APOLOGIZE TO ME OR OFFER TO MAKE UP FOR IT'
essentially, the idea for further development is that thawne takes a step in the 'actually yk what. go fuck yourself barry' direction but that's just it because for him to move on, he has to _know_ barry is suffering for everything he did to him and _will_ continue suffering when he stops interacting with him which is impossible to achieve when you are a villain doomed by the superheroic narrative.
chances are that eo probably tried to consult with iris on how to write barry's biography and i think they theoretically could get along with that, discussing the main highlights and all if not for two things: thawne is still a criminal with a weird ass obsession and this whole situation is EVEN WEIRDER (like imagine you come home and the first thing you see is this speedster villain whos obsessed with being flash's nemesis sitting on your couch and a thousand things of various levels of horrifying comes to your mind on what he could possibly want with you since you literally date flash/write about him(? as you can see i am no different from thawne below) and then he casually says 'hi im writing your bf's biography could you help me with-' like?? eo wtf) and hes also fucking annoying and insufferable cause he practically never hides that hes gonna do a SOOO much better job than her. seriously most of the 'consulting' on methods would be 'oh? um... but dont you think that approach is a bit.... oh how do i say it.... outdated? heres what im gonna do-' (local 25th century rat manages to mansplain the first flash biographer in 21st while the mansplaining problem is long solved by his origin time so neither its intended nor even known as a concept to him 💀💀). also he basically spoils that fact to her so iris is just 'hold on im gonna write what.' he probably accidentally reveals barry's secret identity to her by that as well cause he couldnt fucking care less about straight moments in barry's history to ever remember them and especially related dates.
'what do you mean what- oh you. you didnt know. oh. my bad. yk i kinda promised barry not to tell anyone and i never would i just assumed you already knew and in my defence cmon you really _could_ do better than that, like how much do you two know each other by now anyway. 4 months? see! months! _i_ certainly could do better than that. can we still keep it a secret tho 😇🥰'
iris is chill about the secrecy from barry's side tho and waits for him to tell her himself (i mean obvs she picked up some Clues before and was beginning to Wonder but still on the 'hm. would be funny if-' level. then all of a sudden thawne falls from the sky and makes it official).
'...yeah i knew that' 'wait what? how?' 'thawne.' *very tired groan* 'oh for-' 'YES BARRY. IT WAS ME. but for the record i swear it was an accident this time i did NOT mean to do that. not sorry tho she shoudve known even earlier if she *loooves* you oh *so* *much*' [runs off]
