#equine slander

[horseslanderer]

Tenth reason to hate horses: they exist in a three dimensional plane. What the frick. Why do they do that?

[horseslanderer]

Thirteenth reason to hate horses: they aren’t immune to the passage of time. As the universe’s measure marches forward, they too, like the rest of creation, will suffer the effects of existence. Their bodies will decay and gray; their organs will fail one by one like the rest of us. There is nothing they can do.

[horseslanderer]

Twelfth reason to hate horses: Minecraft horses can’t swim. It would be so convenient but instead I have to push one across a river like an idiot.

[horseslanderer]

Fourteenth reason to hate horses: they can’t vomit. What happens if they eat something that makes them violently ill? Should’ve thought about that when they opted out of vomiting.

[horseslanderer]

Seventh reason to hate horses: one of them ate my wifi router. It was really crunchy. Not a cool move though.

[horseslanderer]

Ninth reason to hate horses: they support the system. People ride them, and people make the system, so by that logic they make the system too.

[horseslanderer]

Eighth reason to hate horses: they eat things. They don’t photosynthesize like every other animal on earth.

[horseslanderer]

Fifth reason why horses suck: they reproduce sexually. That means they have sex. Like perverts.