How One Moment Can Change your Life.
And How One Horse Can Heal your Soul.
In the early morning hours of May 25, 2016, I found myself lying in the ICU.
I was exhausted and slowly realizing how close I just came to loosing my life.
As I lay there in the dark, the nurse walks in to check on me. I said to her with a rough throat, "I remember you, you were working on me." Her face had a look of disbelief, as I was unconscious for the hours they fought to save my life. I went on, "There was you, three other women and then a male doctor standing at my feet." She paused and slightly tilted her head as if questioning my words. "Yes, your right. How do you remember that?" I kept going on, "I told you guys that I was dying ."
As the words came out of my mouth, I didn't know if I was saying them to reassure myself that it really happened, or if I was recalling a vague dream that I was just now remembering.
"I think I died." I said quietly.
"Well you were unresponsive and your body was shutting down. So when you said that you were dying, after being unresponsive for hours, we knew we didn't have long." the nurse said. She continued after a short pause. "That is wild that you remember this. I have heard of people with similar stories, but I have never experienced one personally. I am actually surprised that your up and talking. You should really get some rest."
She could see that my mind was processing what had happened as I stared past her.
With a caring voice, she encouraging me to rest, reassuring me that she would be back soon.
Quietly leaving the room, she left me alone in the darkness, with nothing but my thoughts and the steady beeping of the monitors.
Over the next 10 days in the ICU, they kept me under quarantine, as they did not have an answer to what caused my body to go into septic shock. During these days, I had plenty of time to think and digest.
This single experience has taken me years to process, and I feel in many ways , it is still unfolding.
I find myself having more questions than answers, but the one thing I am sure of,
I COULD LITERALLY DIE TOMORROW.
Naturally, this became my life moto.
No more putting off things and "waiting until the time is right". No more "one day" comments.
In the hospital bed, I made a game plan with my then 8 year old daughter, Karlee.
How was I going to get horses back in my life? Not just lessons, but back on our property where we could enjoy them like I did as a child, where they listened to me, healed me and made me a better person.
The years that followed where challenging. Full of laughter, tears, and countless moments that opened up my soul. Teaching me things that I could have never learned without the help of my horse.
It made me wish one thing. That everyone, at some moment in their life, could truly experience the healing power of a horse.
North Star Equine has been created with the intention to offer the opportunity for individuals to heal and become happier, healthier human being.
To find your personal direction, guidance, stability and purpose through horses.
I am excited for you to come along for the ride!
