The worst day has occurred, in translation saying goodbye to Erasmus friends. How do you say goodbye to the people you spend your everyday life with? How do you walk out of the best of days? How do you leave all those nights that turned into mornings with friends that turned into family?
From spending everyday together to spending no time together at all. The place and the people change into older habits that you wish you could change back to the new ones.
“It has been a long day without you my friend, and I will tell all about it when I see you again....”
Leaving has a specific features. It reveals people’s true feelings. Last night killed me. Saying goodbye to friends I call family. Last day. Dinner with 38 students...dishes from every country and then 30 people watching a Champion’s League. Such a cozy atmosphere. Everyone silent. Being close to one another, that was everything that we had. It felt like....like....HOME. I have never seen anything like this. Snapchat. “What are you doing?” “Are you that bored that you have to be 24/7 on Snapchat?” :D And the look...oh god. I really like your laugh. And I am sorry for that freaking Saturday.....I really am. But it still belongs to my best memories. And I am sure it will always be. If i’d have to choose I would do it all over again....Despite the depression. I would even add something. You cannot forget something like this....well, “Megan, do you remember that Saturday, because I don’t.” ..... “Oh picture....what? Which party was this? THIS WAS last night? He was at the party? Was I talking to him?” ALWAYS. I will not forget. Still one of the highlights. Sometimes you can’t help....Heh, I should have done the thing I wanted to do.... But there were too many people. Screw that! Hahaha. I should have listened to Megan and her “YOLO KRISTINA, listen to me!”
The goodbye night. “Please, sign my flag.” *laughing and leaving* “Come ooooon :D* Messages written and me almost crying... “Please, just don’t cry...it would be also harder for us to leave.” *getting a hug*
French. Saying goodbye for real. Of course only kisses. Agh, whatever..... I will give you a hug! :D And something else was in my mind, but I couldn’t do anything. However, the smile after, I can’t describe with words. SWEET. This word. Always, “Kristina, remember it is sweet” Oh but I think it is also “pretty shit”! <3
3:00am “Here my shirt and the other flag.” “Are you kidding me? I have only an hour to finish writing? The worst two at the end....dear god...” And then GOODBYE. Hug. Still hugging. Tighter and tighter. And the look killed me. Look full of teary eyes. “Name, please, don’t...” and hug.... The whole room silent, others watching us with sad eyes....I started crying in his arms. The hug became tighter and again full of tears. How do you say goodbye to someone you see everyday and have the best memories with? The moments you wish you could re-live again? I guess I do not have an idea how to do that. Seeing a man cry makes me want to hug him tighter. So I did. Then I heard someone coming and I only heard “Oh...dear god...she is in his arms..... *some blurs* how is he holding her”. I did not care. I started literally crying now. And then we looked at each other and I walked slowly while another girl and a guy hugged him and then he looked over to me and left.....me, leaning against the wall, i started sobbing and crying and crashed totally against a wall. The whole room was silent, looking at me with their sad eyes why I was crying backed against the wall. There is something wrong in this picture. So I had to move on and get ready....then I saw my best friend coming and I looked at her and went to hug her and started crying again.
Completely broken down writing a message on his shirt. What the hell do I write? My best friend who understands me like nobody else, who is so similar. One to go so I am still half broken.....way to the airport. Heart-breaking. Airport scene. My bestie and another bestie standing there crying. My life in this freaking amazing country with the best people I could have hoped for is ending! I am at the airport looking around, holding Swedish flag so tight as I would have held someone’s hand....I fell in love. This is the moment I realized I am in love and it is impossible to reverse it..... IN LOVE with the country, Italians, Turkish, French and other amazing people I met. You will always be in my heart. Always. No matter what happens, no matter where I go, my heart is with you even if we will never meet again. Which I know we will. At some point I know I need to move on and live my life but for now I don’t want to!
I MISS YOU. I will miss you. Always. I LOVE YOU.
“I don’t caaaaare” “Sweet.... pretty shit” “SOFIEROOO” “Maybe....Math?” “Bordello” “Mooooose” “Hold the line” “AŠK” “SEREFEEEE!” “Allors Bay....” “I am in love with Civ...” “Pink Fluffy Unicorn” “Gandalf’s nod” “LIPZ” {Ehm, heh....) “I do not remember shit....i want to die” “Oh shieeeeeeet” “But first, let me take a selfie” “YOLO” “Che te lo dico a fare?” “I will carry you home” “Flowers in my hair (Stef. and Goteborg)” “I hate glasses but...I have to say, it suits YOU” “kisses on cheek from Burc.” “laser light in the window” “throwing eggs on each other from a balcony” “Do you want shots guys?..... {oh shiiit, i have to invite someone else too}, ‘Phil come too!’ ..... *in the apartment* Shots. Nice! *Phil leaving* {me thinking....ooooh shiiit} closeness....oh that closeness.”
”(after that Saturday) OH MY GOD, FUCK THIS, I WANT TO DIE MEGAAAAAN”
“What is this? Why did I have the thing for fries on my head too?” “I think you were jealous of me and that is why you put it on your head too.” {LOL :D }
”Ouuuush” “Lyseberg - amusement park” “The Devil wears Prada {reference neighbor with Ant.}, “Kris......, can I kiss him?” “Go for it! Of course.” “No i can’t. But...what about you?” “What about me? Of course, you can! Do that if you feel like it. I don’t care.” *And dying of laughter* {THIS is what I call friends my love!}
“Can someone open....” “Sco. why are you half naked? .... Why not?”
“Blaaaaaah” {beer} “FUCK DA POLIIIIICE” “LAN party” “Seriously? Laser light? Are you guys that bored?” “Whaaat? It wasn’t us...it was the Chinese.” (lol) “JARV” “STOCKHOLM <3″ “Going to LIPZ?” “Allors Bayram” “I am in love with the Coco (Civan)” “JARV” “Hold the line.....LAMP” “broken light bulbs” “light in the hallways falling on my head” “Bucket of water....baaaam.....in the hallway” “burning butts party WTF??? I think I gotta go” “Mi piache tanto”
CIDERS ALL THE WAY....Systembolaget. I will never forget you! Stockholm running there 5 minutes before closing time.....
Laundry party. Laundry carts rolling on the hill. Throwing bike out of the window. Twice. Plants out of the window. Oooooh shiiit it was a “go pro”! 3rd floor! and the 4th! But the best one, the 2nd <3 0803
FLAG MESSAGES, the best thing ever! I have never expected some of them to be....so.... emotional. Bissous and la plus belle ..... milujem ta!, I will miss those small moments together, you are the most important person here.... (WHAAAAT??? <3)
I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET. ERASMUS PLUS.
