Dumb Dumb Dumb...
I know making fun of myself or putting my self down is unhealthy but I’m feeling extremely stupid. I might be getting Bragi (George) and Set (Matthew) incarnates messed up. It’s really getting to the point I’m starting to realize God is testing me. I know “preach” a lot about how knowing the future is wrong and bullshit and not good. My shitty excuse in my case is real and authentic anxiety. I don’t want to be put through mud again. I just want my independence for a little bit. Yes, I know my illnesses might prevent me from doing it but it doesn’t mean I can’t try. I WANNA TRY! Autism/Bi-polar didn’t stop people from doing what they want. I have a business I want to make full-time once I get a disability check!
Fuck it! I’m telling God he’s right and I messed up. Knowing the future is bullshit. I should “practice what you preach” and just forget about all of it. I know I’m in the right track. However the mix-up and confusion is giving me a hard time on top of the move and everything else going on with my complicated and twisted life.
I’m just going to follow what I’ve been saying all along and just ride the wave.
Ugh! It’s just so hard because my anxiety is getting worse. I’m worried about leaving my friends behind, not having my cat, Vince ruining my life, the new place I’m moving in to, all the packing I have to do, the adjustment to new rules and regulations regarding the half-way house situation, ect. For me, it’s a lot of shit on my plate and I hate to sound like a whiny little bitch but I can’t take anymore shits right now. It’s not healthy and I get it. I get what God is trying to say.
He wants me to stop worrying about my future.
Fine, whatever, I get it. Like live “in the now” and all the crap we spiritualist like to preach all day long. It’s hard. It’s incredibly hard especially when you have an anxiety/panic disorder with everything going on. I’m having to stop more meltdown from over-thinking. How does one stop freaking out over this shit? I’m terrified. I’m scared. I’m completely confused and borderline depressed to the point of just getting myself baker-acted.
Eriks TENTH death anniversary and birthday is right around the corner. I’m going to be a complete mess. Will I have my friends or family for support? Will I even be able to be coherent for two months? Can I even discern my “abilities” or lose my psychic-ness, go completely insane in the membrane?...Fuuuuuck! I’m just going to take a walk or something.
😘💕❤️ Yall stay chill!
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(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.
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