So, this is going to be one of those posts that likely has either an algorithm or an actual person sending me a note asking if I’m okay.
So let’s be clear.
I’m not okay.
There, no one needs to check, the answer is front and center.
I have a good list of things that have happened recently, but despite how important those things are, there is a larger world out there that is spiraling downwards in the proverbial basket.
War.
Insanity.
Mass shootings.
The Supreme Court going off the rails on some utterly bizarre agenda to erode the entire concepts of autonomy, security, sovereignty, and privacy. I hope RBG haunts them with a stern expression that makes them realize they should be reconsidering life choices.
I haven’t posted for a while because I haven’t been able to figure out a way to use any of the tools in my leopard wrangling arsenal to respond to this last situation, nor have I been able to come up with one that I think could help someone else in this situation.
Why?
Because my government doesn’t care if I live or die.
So why should I?
According to my government I have an ever decreasing value to the greater society.
And for this reason, protected rights should be removed from me and anyone like me.
So, if I legitimately have less value today than I had yesterday and I already felt pretty worthless, that is not going to mean I am in a good headspace.
Let’s be clear.
This is hard to come back up from when it slaps you across the face.
Rights I protested for, argued for, begged for, prayed for, marched for, signed petitions for, donated money for, voted to elect supporters of, read up on, researched, wrote about, explained to other people, yelled into the void about…are increasingly tenuous.
The more tenuous they become the more I don’t matter to my government.
I’m too tired to be as angry about that as I should be.
At least I am tonight.
So maybe it’s time to reevaluate the leopards.
Mine and others.
Ghosts of leopards past.
Because at the end of the day, sometimes the leopards are all you have.
What does that mean?
If you have leopards, you are still breathing.
You are still thinking.
You are still capable of making it through another hour, afternoon, morning, night, day, weekend, week, fortnight, month.
Because when you have leopards you know something is wrong.
And when you know something is wrong you can start looking for a solution.
I don’t have a solution right now, but I have more leopards than I know what to do with.
Leopards I haven’t had to deal with in a damn long time.
Brand new leopards that I didn’t have a month ago.
But I have them and they are mine now and I will deal with them.
Possibly by screaming a lot.
I am not okay, but that’s okay.
I have leopards.
So tonight I am still breathing, still thinking, still capable of making it through.
And so are you.
