#escafeismregrets

[escafeism]

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets.

Leave no room for regrets

[escafeism]

Natatakot ka sa dilim?" tanong ko sa kanya. Tinitigan niya lang ako. "Ako kasi hindi. Kasi kapag nasa dilim ako mas nakikita ko ng malinaw iyong mga bagay-bagay. Gaya nalang ngayon, iyang mga bituin sa langit, iyang buwan na laging sumusunod sayo. Andyan sila lagi pero hindi mo sila nakikita kapag nasa liwanag ka. Hindi mo pansin. Minsan hindi mo pa alam na andyan lang pala sila. Minsan naman sobrang kampante ka lang na andyan sila lagi. Pero kapag nasa madilim ka? Saka mas malinaw. Saka mo mas nakikita kahalagahan nila. Saka mo pa parang nakikita ang kagandahan nila. Saka mo pa nasasabing ‘wow ang swerte ko pala’. Pero kadalasan kung kailan mo pa napagtanto, saka na mahirap abutin. Saka na mahirap angkinin.” Ngumiti ako. “Alam mo iyon? Saka mo lang napansin noong nawala na.

MH.

[imhillaryanne]

My 16-year Regrets

"Who you are today is a product of your childhood."

This is one of the words of wisdom, the speaker spoke in the seminar. And because of that, it felt like there was suddenly a mirror in front of me, giving me a quick glance of my childhood and abruptly changing into my reality. That I completely had the chance to see the difference and point out my own regrets.

I regret my family. I regret my father; I regret how I acted that night, 8 years ago. I regret how absurd I was that night that I cannot even give him a peck on his cheeks, when actually it was a simple thing to do. I regret how I got mad because he threatened me that he would pinch me if I wouldn't obey him, when actually it was a simple thing to do. I regret how I wiped my cheeks and said "eww" when he kissed me, when actually it would be the last chance he would do that. I hate how dysfunctional was my thinking that night that now I am regretting not to give him his final kiss and not be able to feel his goodbye kiss. If I let him kissed me that night, will I not be wiping my tears now as I regret my past?

I regret my academics. I regret how I didn't enroll in Kumon when I was young; I regret not being able to excel in Math, the way Kumon Students did. I regret how I disregarded Math, when in fact, it is an easy subject. I regret how I just liked Math and not love it, when in fact, I just have to ask my mom to find me a tutor so that someone would teach me one-on-one. I regret how I let those years passed by not prioritizing Math, when in fact, the programs that would surely make me rich made Math mandatory. If I just felt the essence of Math during my younger age, will I not be making Math as my weakness in reaching for better education abroad?

I regret my talent. I regret not taking my voice lesson, seriously; I regret how I let a lot of chances went away because I was so lazy. I regret how I didn’t felt the importance of practicing songs, when in fact, I just have to spend less than an hour just to have endless practice on when is the right timing for the song and how can I stylize it. I regret how I felt lazy on watching live performances of professional artists, when in fact, it would help me promote my showmanship more. I regret how I became happy-go-lucky with all the contests I joined to, when in fact, it would give me extra money and popularity. If I were just serious with my singing career, will I not be sitting here and waiting for another opportunity to open again?

I regret my love. I regret falling in love with someone who already loves someone else; I regret how I got trapped with his flirtatious acts. I regret how I programmed in my mind that we were destiny, when in fact, all scenarios that I actually thought we were, were all lies. I regret how I confessed my feelings because I got overwhelmed by his revelations, when in fact, when he said he likes me, we both have a different definition of “like”. I regret how I fought for him, when in fact, in the end he would suspend me in the air. I regret how I cried for him, when in fact, he made me look, like as if I was the one who just made all the things that happened. I regret how I found it hard to move on, when in fact, there wasn’t a really a thing to move on into because there was actually nothing but non-existent promises. If I didn’t meet him, will I not be this pessimist on the perspective of love?

I regret myself. I regret how I grown into someone like this. I regret how I always forgot to put fresh coconut extract on my hair. I regret how I didn’t take good care of my skin resulting to having uneven skin tone. I regret eating a lot causing this damn tummy to get big. I regret not following my Pediatrician’s instruction in making me taller. I regret how moody I became. I regret how I misjudge people. I hate how I hate people. I hate how I find it hard to forgive people. If I am not who I am today, will I not be this kind of person I regret to be?

If I could just go back into the time, I think I wouldn't be this regretful. Probably, I would have the chance to fix all those things, but as usual, regrets are always in the end. So, I just have to live up into the life I have now.