Trial 3 - 021 Voice drama: "Aut Neca Aut Necare [actus reus]"
Ayame: We're here! Esse-chan!
Hiiro: …
Esse: Oh, welcome back. Have a seat, you two.
Ayame: Sure!
Ah, we sit side-to-side… Fufufu…
Esse: Mhm. You don't know that, but in the previous trial, the Saviors were sitting next to me and not next to their Victims.
The change makes sense, though. This time, you will be answering my questions rather than helping me come up with them.
Ayame: Yeah! I'm ready!
Esse: The first interrogation of this trial… It's the beginning of the end. Are you nervous?
Ayame: I'm fine! Even though it's not my interrogation, I'm happy to be one of the first people to meet you one-on-one!
But you, Hii-chan, seem troubled. You've been really quiet…
Hiiro: …I mean, it's not like I'm really allowed to talk now.
Ayame: It's going to be okay! I’m sure I'll be able to handle it well and get a fair verdict for you, just watch!
Hiiro: Yeah…
Esse: That's right, you remember the rules properly, don't you? The Savior must talk more than the Victim during their interrogation.
Due to this rule, no one from the Victims will be able to pull another trick and ask their Savior to skip their interrogation, also.
Ayame: Eh… Ehehe…
It’s all in the past, promise! I obediently follow all the rules now!
Esse: I believe you, yes. Let's proceed onto the questions.
Ayame: Mhm!
Esse: First, please introduce your Victim. Name, age, any information you consider relevant.
Ayame: Alright! Nishiyama Hiiro. Age is… Uhh…
…?
Hiiro: …Twenty… four? Yeah, I’d long be a university graduate by now.
Ayame: Age is twenty four! Well, then… Hobbies or interests…
Ummm…
Hiiro: …Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to have interests in a prison?
Ayame: …N-none, I guess…
Esse: What did she study in university?
Ayame: Ah, that! I tried to find out, I truly did! But she always refused to tell me…
Esse: Why?
Ayame: Maybe it's something she didn't actually want to do? Like, her family forced her into it?
Maybe she hoped she could drop out of university in secret and never have to tell anyone what she used to study there.
That's what I'd guess…
Esse: Makes sense. If she's that secretive about her field of study, it's logical to assume that she doesn't want to be associated with it, for one reason or another.
…It feels weird to talk about someone in third person when they're in the same room with you, doesn't it…?
Ayame: Ahaha… Yeah, kind of…
Esse: Well, it can't be helped.
Hiiro: I bet.
Esse: Any other information you'd like to add to Hiiro’s introduction?
Ayame: Umm… Overall, a kind person! She's always patient with me.
Esse: It's nice to see you get along. I know you have talked before, but at the end of the day, I must admit you were sort of an unexpected duo, in a good sense.
Ayame: Hehe~
Hiiro: …
Esse: Okay, next question. What does Hiiro think of the new verdict?
Ayame: Hmm— How can I put it… Hii-chan is naturally a follower rather than a leader or a loner. So having someone to guide her helps her a lot.
Esse: A follower? Huh, I wouldn't guess it from her tough act.
Ayame: Yes, exactly! Everyone is mean to her because she looks unapproachable, but as long as you show kindness to her, she will be cooperative and helpful!
Esse: Hm~ How strange, I'm a person full of kindness, yet I constantly got nothing but insults from her~
Ayame: Haha…
Hiiro: Maybe it's because you keep on making fun of me.
Esse: Not true, not true at all~! Well then, I guess Ayame successfully managed to tame you.
Hiiro: If you prefer to put it that way. I’ve grown tired of being unacceptable, see. I thought it might be pretty convenient to play along.
Esse: So it's temporary? Like a truce?
Hiiro: Sure. I’ve only been going easy on you because I don’t think of you as a real threat. Even if you tie me up and take away my voice, don’t expect that I’ll allow you to do whatever you want towards me.
Once it becomes more convenient for me to turn on you, I will do just that.
Ayame: Hey! We are still paired, you know! That's like saying, “I will decide to break up with you any time I want” while you're in a relationship! Do you understand how it can make the other person feel?!
Hiiro: Uh…
Ayame: If you make a promise, it can't be temporary. If you start a friendship, you must intend for it to last for eternity! Otherwise, there's no point in starting it at all!
Hiiro: You killed your boyfriend.
Ayame: …
Esse: Ahem. Let's not talk about Ayame-chan’s crime for the time being.
Ayame: …Ugh…
Esse: However, there are cases like school friends. Most of the time you stop talking once you graduate, and people seem to be okay with that. Even though they realize this friendship will end, it helps them to get through the school years, and this is what makes it valuable.
Ayame: Hmph. You haven't even graduated yet, so you can't imagine what it's like. I had to change classes midway, and I know that losing everyone you used to talk to really hurts…
Esse: What about you, Hiiro-chan? You had a friend group in school, right?
Hiiro: So?
Esse: Have you ever missed them?
Hiiro: No. It's as you say. School friendships end together with school, and that's how it is.
Things are easier when you're a teenager, that's true though.
Esse: Ahh, yeah, you suddenly get a ton of new responsibilities when you become an adult.
Ayame: Mhm. You have to provide for yourself, even if you never were taught how to…
Hiiro: There's also that. Adults are more clever but are as emotionally immature as kids.
When you're children, if someone has a problem with you, they'll tell it to your face or start a fight.
But adults will scheme behind your back and set up an ambush. Being forced to look through all of their real intentions is annoying.
They say that you finally have to act “mature” with every new year, but at the end of the day, it feels like you never left middle school.
Esse: University must be a scary place to be in.
Hiiro: Yeah.
Esse: Ayame-chan, what is your interpretation of Hiiro’s “crime”?
Ayame: A-ah? W-we-re already moving onto this part of the interrogation?
Esse: Sure. Go ahead.
Ayame: Okay, then… I think…
She was framed.
Esse: Hmm.
Hiiro: …
Ayame: Someone from the people she knew committed the crime and then framed her. She was an easy target to pin the blame on! Just happened to be at the wrong time at the wrong place!
Esse: Mhm, her memories often mention that she sees herself as a scapegoat. In my notes I was also guessing that she merely got dragged into another person's crime against her will.
Ayame: Right! She's neither a victim or a perpetrator, not even a bystander. She wasn't even there when the crime happened!
So…
Please, don't vote her anything!
Esse: …Ah.
I'm sorry. I can't do that.
Ayame: Why?!
Esse: It's a duty I was given. Even if I wanted to throw it away, I have no way to escape.
Ayame: How do the final verdicts get decided? Do you write them somewhere? Do you tell them to Jacka’s face?
Just don't do it! You don't have to actively oppose the system — but just give up on following it!
Esse: …
…They have access to our memories, right? Thus, they know our feelings and thoughts, as well.
The verdicts… I think… Rather than me writing them down, or saying them out loud… They get extracted from my “heart”.
Ayame: From your heart…?
Esse: Mhm. It's not something I can control. For example, if we believe that Hiiro-chan was framed — you can't help thinking, “oh, what a bad situation to be in. She's a victim of that person who decided to avoid their responsibility for such a terrible crime.”
Before you’re able to process your feelings and put them into words, the verdict is already decided on.
Ayame: …
I can't save you... Hii-chan. I'm sorry…
It's unfair…
Hiiro: It’s okay. Don’t think too much about it.
Ayame: It's unfair… It’s so unfair!
Why are only your feelings treated as important?!
Esse: H-huh?
Ayame: Not what we think of ourselves, not what we think of each other! It only matters what you think!
Because you have a pretty face, because your body is curvy, because you're young but mature, because you're smart, because you're chatty and can make a joke or two!
Because you cook dinners for a whole group of people, because you finish cleaning in no time, because your hands stay soft and nice no matter what you're doing!
Because you look good in any clothes! Because your hair is long and you know how to make neat hairstyles that don't fall apart!
Esse: …
Ayame: Because your skin is that pretty shade of beige, not too pale as if you're having a sickness, but not too tan, so you don't have to use an impossible amount of face powder!
Because you try to understand everyone and never show your tears, even if you're so tired from being alive you can't shake off this nauseous feeling!
Because you never complain, instead, you go on and on about that “duty” that other people give you!
Because you're that damn perfect in everything!
That's why you're the only one who really matters out of all us!!
But what about the rest?!
Esse: …
Hiiro: Ayame…
Ayame: The verdicts being extracted from your “heart”, what a stupid joke…
Esse: …You water me down to this idealized image you're envious of… Talk only about my body being appealing and my personality never inconveniencing anyone, with the intention to say that I'm having it the easiest out of all?
I want to understand where your pain comes from. But you're not treating me like a real human being right now.
Like a lot of people did. Maybe that's why this place finally decided to take a good look at my “heart”. Since my real thoughts were never taken into account.
Hiiro: Oh, so you're a goody two-shoes who makes it everyone's fault that she's one.
Esse: …
Hiiro: If you don't like it, then don't do it.
Say “no”. Cut your hair. Drop your studies. Don't come home after curfew. Break a law.
But you won't. You enjoy being a perfect kid who receives head pats no matter where she goes.
[bell rings]
Esse: …Hiiro.
Hiiro: Yeah?
Esse: Why are you here? In this prison.
Hiiro: ‘Cause I was kidnapped?
Esse: You already know what is really the case, don't you? We are hollow remains of what we used to be during our actual lives.
Ayame: …
Esse: But we can't fully die, either. Why's that?
Hiiro: Right? Why can't I die? I wonder about that a lot.
Ayame: Hii-chan… don't say such things. Life is the biggest treasure that can be given to a person…
Hiiro: Yet people kill each other and themselves all the time. Those around you might consider your life valuable — but if there's no one to grieve for you, what value is in your life?
Esse: …
Hiiro: Well, I don't particularly care about it. Who dies or gets to live.
But when I look back at it, I think– Even though I spent the whole time trying to survive, it wasn’t worth it.
Maybe it’d be easier if it were me– Maybe that’s what I’m regretting.
Esse: Were you? Instead of the person who died?
Hiiro: Ah, it slipped.
Esse: What do you mean?
Hiiro: …
Esse: …
…What do you want right now? If the whole world was to end in a few hours, what would you wish for?
Hiiro: I dunno.
Esse: Please think about it.
Hiiro: I did everything either because I was told to do so, or on a whim. To sit down and think “what I want”... I wish I’d be killed already, I guess.
Esse: Hasn't this wish been almost fulfilled? Sooner or later, your existence will completely cease.
And Ayame-chan’s, too.
And mine, too.
Hiiro: …
Esse: So?
Hiiro: Hm.
Esse: Is there any meaning in continuing to keep up your tough act even when the world is ending?
Hiiro: Okay. You're the most special out of us, so I believe you'll stay here for longer than everyone else. Then, after everything comes to an end—
And before Jacka erases all your memories, I want you to grieve for me.
Esse: I like this wish.
Hiiro: Thanks for your approval.
Ayame: …I will also do it! I will remember you! I promise!
Hiiro: You can't promise something like that if all your memories get erased…
Ayame: But I will restore them eventually! And among these memories, I'm sure there will be you!
And if we go together… if we leave for some kind of afterlife together, or somehow both of us stay here! Let's remember each other, and become friends again!
Hiiro: …Yeah. Sure. Wherever and whenever we meet again, let's do that.
Ayame: Yes! Then…
Until next time!
