Esther's main character flaw - her desire for knowledge about any and all of magic - was inspired by the Icarus myth. Being gifted with the one thing she wanted the most, indulging too much in it, crashing and burning when she crosses the line, and dealing with the fallout of going to far. Over and over again in one way or the other.
It was innocent at first, her just wanting to find a way to cast magic - to finally join in the practice that her homeland cherished so - until all of a sudden she could. Before, Esther couldn't have lite a single candle with bring harm upon herself, now she was able to call forth infernos with ease. There was a bit of a learning curve since she was putting the same amount of force behind her spells she was before when she couldn't cast magic - leading to several incidents of property damage - but thankfully Warlic was there to teach her the fundamentals.
Then she started tempering with Chaos magic. On the surface, it was to gain a better understand of how to fight it, but deep down it was her curiosity driving her. There was plenty of safer ways to study Chaos corruption - going to the Sisters of the Dishpan or study the numerous monsters she had to fight - but she wanted a first hand experience with it. Not being corrupted per say - not at first - but to test what can be corrupted and what cant, what was the range of variation of mutations, was there a way to harness Chaos magic safely.
The only incident of Esther flying too close to the sun with her fascination with Chaos magic was the time she stole pure Chaos water from the Sisters of the Dishpan. Originally she was going to test it on things or see if she can make something to wield Chaos magic safely, but then got the idea to drink it. The only reason she didn't was because Drakath showed up suddenly and caused her to spill the water after getting jump scared - which she lamented the lose of (going to make a comic of this later).
And when she finally got to cast Chaos magic, it was in the Chaos Finale and it was something she didn't want anymore and fight against - willing to commit suicide before being corrupted to break the prophecy to open the gate. Watching Alteon slowly succumbing to his corruption and dealing with the fallout when he did - mercy kill him, burying a friend, watching the grief that encompassed the city - and the thought of being in the same position and the unthinkable aftermath of being a Chaos Lord terrified her.
This trauma influenced her approach or reluctance towards the EDoT magic following the Chaos Finale. Finding out she had somehow became a god after razing a place she came to call home, she was petrified of what she could do if she lose control. It didn't help that she was still corrupted and that bleed into her other magic and making them react in unpredictable ways most of the time. Esther would have stopped using magic all together if she wasnt trying to stop the QoM (still haven't played most of that bit, idk what happens).
This lead to her immediately jumping at the chance of learning Order magic in hopes to cure her corruption, and probably would have gone to extremes to do so if Mirror!Drakath wasn't the one who attempt it and who came to the conclusion that Order magic wouldn't cure Chaos magic.
Learning the truth about Malgor and how he was born of her despair and her magic didnt help with her lack of desire to weild the EDoT magic. To her, it was the Chaos Finale all over again - just someone else is causing the destruction. Esther was more relieved than anger when OWO opposed a ban on her use of the EDoT magic and access to the Timestream.
Learning Doom magic echoes a lot of what happens when she wanted to learn Chaos magic. Wanting to learn more to better combat it and find a way to heal Gravelyn (her motivation to even touch doom magic), keeping her meeting and lessons with the Mysterious Stranger a secret from those around her despite the dangers, and the possibility of the ruinous fallout if she looses the tiny bit of control over it. She's still scared of going to far again - from her own experience with tempting with forces she shouldn't and using the tale of Sepluchure as a warning call - but she still has the desire to understand Doom magic in it's entirety.
