#ev.rant

[energievie]

Many, many years ago - a little over four but I've only been on Tumblr for a little over four years, so it does feel like a lifetime ago - I was shipping a rarepair.

By the way, it took me an embarrassing amount of time to figure out it's NOT a mash-up of "rare" and "repair". No comment 🤦🏼‍♀️

Anyways, a rarepair. There were fewer than thirty of us in the now-deceased Tumblr group chat, with only around ten active. And we decided to organise a [insert ship name] week, with prompts for each day and a dedicated tag (and it was quite a clever pun, to be fair) and the whole nine yards. The prompt for the second day: WIP amnesty.

I remember asking the "instigator" what the fuck it meant 'cause I was drawing blanks. And she said something along the lines of "basically, any WIP that you don't think you'll ever finish and you just want closure". I'm paraphrasing and chances are it doesn't even mean this (please correct me if the case) and I'm not sure I'll ever reach the point where I feel I need to fully clean up the slate, but I do kind of feel the need for clear tracking, so...

that one "Nile & Nicky bonding" story that's been more than halfway done for over three years;

that A/B/O that started from a mix of wanting to expand a drabble and filling a prompt for an event (can't really remember which one - maybe a Kinktober? 🤔);

those "first time bottoming" fics for two different pairings that are just so damn daunting because smut just doesn't come that easily;

that post-canon story about a "new one" that's just random ideas that make very little sense;

all the plot bunnies that hop in an out of my brain too quickly for me to grab them.

I never say never, though, and last month I posted a story I'd written over three years ago that I'd been convinced was dead and buried. BUT... I saw a random prompt yesterday evening about a pet dragon turning out to be actually human and I can't stop thinking about it. To quote Charlie, "why am I like this?" 😅😅

[energievie]

I took a break from writing. Six weeks, give or take. Intentional, because work and then holiday and then my birthday... and now I'm feeling out of sorts.

I've been drabbling all this time. Is it enough, though? 600 words. Should I even count them? Is it relevant?

Today, however, I wrote 250 words. They'd been spinning in my head in the form of blurry pictures (aphantasia, it sucks) and in theory, I could be writing the entire one-shot in one go. It's pwp, I kind of know what happens. But I can't. Not anymore.

I could, almost four years ago. 3.5k in one sitting. Things were different back then. Fewer stressors. Or maybe I was just hornier (not likely).

I wish the fuzzy images in my head could turn into words on a page, even if out of order and slightly rambly. After all, I've always loved editing.

[energievie]

When I first joined Tumblr a little over three years ago I got introduced to the concept of fandom discourse in its entire splendour 🙄

And there's something that's been stuck with me ever since and I keep coming back to it from time to time, prompted by literally nothing of consequence.

(Today it's probably the fact that I was halfway through a task when I realised I had messed up some numbers and now I have to partly redo everything I did. See? It makes no sense.)

The sexual dynamic in an M/M couple and how you, as a reader, relate to it which can, apparently, make you a racist. So here's the logic [sic]: as a reader you identify yourself with the bottom (how many [sic]s can I add?), which means the top is merely an instrument for the bottom's pleasure (all of them, please). So, if you have an M/M couple where canon doesn't really specify who tops and who bottoms and one of the characters is a POC and you believe they're the top, that means you're a racist.

Not gonna even bother with the final part but what really stuck with me is the first part of the argument: says who that a reader solely identifies with/relates to the bottom and only the bottom? Why was that fandom's Cicero so sure of this aspect? Why not the top? Why not both, alternatively or at the same fucking time?

I should have asked back then.

[energievie]

I'm feeling rambly on this fine October 5th evening, an evening that is actually anything but fine because this entire year hasn't really been fine and I honestly can't wait for it to be over. And sometimes I forget that this is a blog, an honest-to-god blog, like the one I used to have on blogspot.com - because fuck wordpress! - that I used to post on so inconsistently it's making me laugh right now because I've never been good at journaling.

But yeah, rambly and because I've been diving headfirst into RWRB for the past month and a half and I tend to borrow shit from characters I love - like drinking black, sugarless coffee because Scorpius Malfoy (the iteration in my head made up of hundreds of fic versions of him) drinks it - I'm making a list because Alex.

So, fics that are the fic. I know them all, almost entirely by heart and I could never forget them but I'm also a hoarder and I like seeing things in some sort of order:

- that one Scorose fic that I read a million years ago and that has been burnt onto my brain ever since - purple butterflies, crossing thresholds and cute fumbling;

- that one Gallavich fic by an author who only wrote 1 (one) fic for Gallavich and four for SKAM and I desperately wish there was more but at the same time this one fic has always been more than enough;

- that one Brewerrose fic where half of what Patrick says is David's name and it's so obscenely hot, you can't even imagine;

- that one Narlie fic where Nick finally understands why he's always liked lollipops so much;

- that one Kaysanova fic that's so blasphemous that I don't feel safe even behind the private bookmark wall but.. but...

- that one Firstprince fic that fits one of my kinks so perfectly it may as well have been written for me or maybe by me if I were that fucking good of a writer;

- that one Romione fic that I read on ff.net (again, a million years ago) and then I turned the entire AO3 inside out looking for it and I think I almost cried when I finally found it.

Need I mention they're all rated E? Not that it's relevant in any way but I asked Vey earlier if there's such a thing as reading too much porn, so maybe this post is the logical continuation to that question.

I think I'm done. Shout if you want the link to any of the stories.

[energievie]

I wish books came with a word count as well. I don't know how much time I need to read 50 pages but if you tell me there are 20k words I can assure you I'm done in an hour and a half 😂

[energievie]

I just paid 14.99 lei (the equivalent of about three dollars) to once and for all remove adds from my recently installed Mahjong game and I'm so fucking thrilled!! 😁🎉

[energievie]

You know what? Peter Gabriel deciding to leave Genesis was the best thing that could've happened to both the band and especially Phil Collins. We would've been robbed of the man's amazing voice. He would've gone down in history as one of the best drummers to EVER drum but man, what a shame it would've been to have never heard him sing!

[energievie]

To the Anon who sent the ask re: the scam, Tumblr ate my reply 🤦🏼‍♀️ But thanks for letting me know.