buddie + “it’s always been you” kisses 🥺
It felt like Buck’s skin was too tight, itchy beneath his uniform as he watched, and waited. His heart had sank, when they had gotten the call about the fire in dispatch – there had been a brief moment of relief, when he realised that Maddie was still off work, but the relief hadn’t lasted, not when Buck remembered all at once that May was there, and Josh, and so many of their friends and colleagues, and his heart had found a new home in his throat when he remembered that Eddie was in the dispatch centre too, because Eddie was a dispatcher now.
Eddie, who had become a dispatcher so he could be safe, so he could guarantee his safety and go home to his son every night. Eddie, who had quit a job he’d loved and settled behind a desk, all for his kid.
Buck wasn’t angry about it anymore – he wasn’t sure he’d ever really been angry about it, really. Buck had been angry, for a second, that Eddie hadn’t talked to him about it, that Eddie hadn’t come to him with his worries and Christopher’s concerns so they could work through them and figure out a solution together, but when that anger faded, all that had been left was sadness – sadness, and loneliness, actually, because Buck’s life had always been enriched by Eddie’s presence in it, and all of a sudden, he was going to work everyday without Eddie, with someone else by his side in calls and the gap left behind by Eddie’s decision to leave felt cavernous, swallowing all of Los Angeles in its murky depths.
Eddie, who left, and became a dispatcher to keep himself safe, and his son calm, and still got caught up in a fire, all the same. It was ironic, really, that Eddie had walked away from fires and the danger that came with being a firefighter and he’d walked right into another – this time, Buck had realised in the truck on the way to the scene, without any of his gear.
Even without his gear – Eddie had gotten half of dispatch out alone.
Because of course he had.
He was Eddie Diaz, father, friend, and goddamn hero, good to his very core. Eddie would know exactly how to get out of a fire, and instead of doing that, he’d stayed, and he’d done his best to get everyone out of dispatch as the fire had begun to rage.
(“I – there’s still people in there,” Eddie shook his head, coughing, having clearly inhaled plenty of smoke, by now. “I’m not leaving.”
“Right now, Eddie, you’re a civilian,” Buck had practically growled at his best friend. “Either you walk out of here now, or I will carry you out.”
The defiant look Eddie had given him in response was enough of an answer, and Buck had bent, at the knees, tossing a protesting Eddie over his shoulder before he jogged out of the building. He could save everyone else later – once he got Eddie out.
“I can help!” Eddie shouted, trying to wriggle out of Buck’s grip.
“You need to get checked over by Hen,” Buck replied, setting Eddie down on the ground. “I can’t have your back if you’re in there without any gear, Eddie, and I’ll be damned if anything happens to you on my watch. So – go, and get checked out by Hen, Dispatcher Diaz, and let me do my job.”
Eddie had been too stunned to argue.)
Buck chewed on the corner of his mouth as he watched Eddie, and Hen. He couldn’t hear what Hen was saying, but Eddie was nodding, pliant in her grip as she turned his head left, and right, checking his throat, his ears, his pupils. Eddie looked sooty, but as Buck squinted, trying to examine him from a distance, Buck couldn’t see any visible burns.
“Buck,” Hen called, waving him over. “Make sure he keeps the oxygen mask on, I need to check a few more people over.”
Buck nodded. He could do that – he could stand guard and make sure Eddie kept the oxygen mask on. He hovered, to Eddie’s right, watching as his best friend took long, slow breaths.
Eddie tugged on the mask, flashing a grin at Eddie. “You really can just throw me over your shoulder and carry me around, can’t you?”
Buck rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” he directed, reaching for the mask, holding it in place. “Hen said you need to keep this on.”
Eddie glared at him, batting Buck’s hand away. “I’m okay, Buck,” and his voice sounded croaky, but he did seem okay, soot and hoarse throat aside. Buck wouldn’t trust it until they were hours out and Eddie was still fine. “Buck, I’m okay.”
“But if we got here any later, you wouldn’t have been,” Buck managed to say, keeping his voice low – he didn’t want anyone else to hear. “Eddie – I can have your back, when you’re wearing the same uniform as me, and you’re by my side, but I just – God, I know it’s irrational, but when you’re not right beside me, I worry, because I don’t know if you’re okay.”
Eddie tugged on Buck’s arm, directing him to sit on the edge of the ambulance with him. “I’m okay,” he repeated. “Buck – I’m fine. It was a freak accident, the fire breaking out in dispatch. That’s – that’s life, Buck, we can’t control everything.”
“But I can try, if you’re next to me.”
Eddie didn’t say anything, for a second. “I can see why everyone at calls falls in love with you,” he hummed. “It’s kind of hot, how you’re able to just throw me around.”
“Shut up,” there was no heat, behind Buck’s words, as he replied. “Eddie – look, I know these last few weeks have been hard, but when we got the call about the fire in dispatch, I just – for a second, I imagined how life might be without you, and I thought I was actually going to stop breathing. I – I can’t do this, I can’t do life without you, Buck.”
Eddie sucked in a breath through the mask, taking a second before he spoke again. “I’ll always be with you, Buck.”
“Yeah, I’d prefer if you didn’t do that as a ghost, Edmundo,” Buck grumbled, earning himself a sharp elbow to the side for his troubles.
“Buck,” Eddie’s expression was – it was something Buck hadn’t seen from his best friend before, his eyes soft, and expression open, love etched into every crease and line of his face. It was – it was the kind of expression Buck had dreamed of being directed at himself, and one he had only fantasised about seeing from Eddie. “I’ll always be with you. I promise.”
Maybe this wasn’t the right moment. Buck would think about that later, when he’d had time to process, but as he looked at Eddie, love pouring from every sooty, dusty inch of his best friend, all Buck could think to do was lean in, and kiss him, the embrace soft, and slow, the kiss trying to say everything Buck didn’t have the words for, just yet.
It’s you, it’s you, it’s always been you – how could it have ever been anyone except you?
Eddie coughed, and Buck pulled back, giving him an apologetic look. “Sorry,” he hummed, brushing Eddie’s sweaty hair off his forehead.
Eddie’s smile was soft, as he took one, two breaths through the mask. “Don’t be sorry,” he shrugged. “I’ve been waiting for you to do that for a long time.”
Buck couldn’t help himself from stealing a brief kiss, before he fixed Eddie’s oxygen mask back in place, wrapping an arm around the other man’s shoulders. “Sorry for taking so long to get here,” Buck hummed, pressing a kiss to the top of Eddie’s head.
Eddie’s words were muffled by the mask, but reassuring, all the same. “You’re here now.”
