TAGGED BY: Stolen from @troublesomecousinTAGGING: @parvumchao, @hangtenn, @ontrgt, @thehollyverse, @id1eyouth, @bruisedconscience and anyone else who wants to do this~!
Here’s a dining table, here’s a set of plates. Here’s your heart, red and bursting with love. You have tried to love people all your life, but no one seems to understand you. Your own mother perhaps forgot to teach you how to protect yourself, maybe people whom you trusted chose to look the other way when all you wanted was a hand full of love. All you want is someone to take from you, all you want is someone to dig in your heart and eat it and kiss you afterwards - bloody and red. You want them to tell you that you are what they have been looking for, you want to be the one who ends their hunger.
PHILO | A KNIFE CALLED GRIEF
You have left your house, you have left those people behind, but what are you going to do about the memories which have taken root in you? You can run but not without them. You want someone to sit with you on this cool marble floor while the sun burns everything. You want them to cut your rotten heart and theirs too. You want to sit with it in front of you, let them see you with all your flaws, which haven’t been your fault but you have been made to believe so, and you want them to love you anyways. Because you know you’d do that for them.
TAGGED BY: @troublesomecousin // i'm gonna kill u dead lOOK AT THIS
TAGGING: @bruisedconscience, @id1eyouth, @parvumchao, @wornclean, @filthystill and anyone else who wants it~!
What child hasn’t thought, at one time or another, that running away was the answer to all their problems? And sometimes, those thoughts are accompanied by the grand idea of running away to the circus, to be a star, to be a misfit, to be with a family of your own choosing.
But what if that’s where you started? What happens when you're already born under the tent; where do you escape to?
Evgeni, much like his father and his father before him, was destined to be a star. It was in their blood. He was trained by his father in contortion and Evgeni did his best to be a perfect student and always tried to please him.
At first, it was good. He was young and talented, he got to hear so many crowds cheer at his performance— he even got some laughs when he’d perform with the clowns. It was nice. But time continues on, year after year on the same route throughout Eastern America. The same applause with the same barrier between him and the rest of the world.
When the circus announced they were taking their show cross-country as well instead of running up and down the East Coast, Evgeni knew they would be worked harder, made to perform more complex performances, the entire act needing to be retrofitted to please these new audiences. It was too much.
The first night after the announcement was when he decided to tell his father he would be leaving– maybe not forever, but he needed to see something outside the tent. Things were left tense, harsh words being thrown about but he stood by his decision.
The problem with being a kid starting a new life was that there was a lot you needed to learn in a short amount of time; he thought about trying to get in contact with some friends he met while touring, temporary hires and former performers that had left before him
Evgeni was received by his new band of misfits with warm smiles and open arms, only to later discover that his skill set was infinitely valuable to them.
Some of the gymnasts had gotten involved with small time heists, their skills making it very easy for them to flip over barbed wire, scale small buildings and walls, stretch and weasel their way around a security system.
Of course, none were as flexible and small as Evgeni. It wasn’t what he expected the world to be like once he was out from under the tent, but he can’t go back empty-handed now.
Hometown: Barysaw, Belarus
Birth Date: February 4, 2000
Orientation: Demisexual
Height: 5'7"
Pets: Milos the Hedgehog
🍒how old were they when they lost their virginity? to whom? was it significant? (Evgeni)
😳 SIGNIFICANT ENOUGH | Not Accepting.
Evgeni was seventeen— and it should be noted that it wasn't with anyone from the circus, really. Evgeni, having grown up with nearly 80% of them being around him at all times meant that he really did see most of them as family...but, you know, sometimes people come and go and they're not really part of the circus crew but more part of this...little...outside space.
So essentially the cook who travels along with them— obviously a good friend of Evgeni, who eats his food with such gusto— had a niece just about Evgeni's age who came to visit for a summer. She was also interested in cooking and wanted to partly enjoy the travel that came along with working at the circus, but hopefully learn some concrete cooking techniques before applying to culinary school.
She was very good. Evgeni learned first hand as he'll try anything you put in front of him. They became close as she told him how she specifically wanted to be a pastry chef and open her very own patisserie one day. Nina Daskalov, was the closest thing to a first love that Evgeni ever had. He's been admired before, but she had such big dreams and a sweetness to her that made him all giddy inside...and she kept feeding him, which was not the whole part of the attraction, but it certainly helped.
He remembers that she was just about his height, if not a hair's breadth taller, blonde with dark eyes and a crooked smile and a giggle that rung in his head for years to come. They had only become intimate a few weeks before she would have to go back to start applying.
It was very much an innocent sort of love, really; he'd pick her bundles of wildflowers wherever they went and get her little gifts and things from the vendors that lined up before the show started. And she would always clap and cheer for Evgeni the loudest when he performed and kiss his cheek whenever they happened to find themselves perfectly alone, which was rare. They had found during the current stay in Hungary, a small secluded river behind the space where the tent went up. It wasn't hard to travel deeper and find some privacy— they stripped down to their underwear to splash about...which eventually led to other things once they had gotten back to dry land.
Evgeni had hoped she'd write when she left— at the very least, her uncle still worked for the circus, so he'd have news of how she was doing. And she did write...for a little while.
About a year after her departure her uncle did inform Evgeni (as he wasn't quite aware how close they had gotten), that Nina had met someone during her studies. And just months after that, apparently, they got engaged.
In a way, he was really pleased that she had gotten everything she wanted. It still made him a little sad to think about it, although he had never told her that he loved her. He doesn't think he truly knew or maybe it just wasn't strong enough to mention. Either way, even if it ached a little, he figured he didn't really have a reason to be upset if he never told her how he felt.
🥰 WHEN DO YOU GAZE AT YOUR SOULMATE: Evgeni & Kevin
When they're getting ready for the day
This is all you've ever wanted. You and them and the promise of a future. You should be getting ready too. but you lay in bed for a moment, still feeling the traces of their warmth on the sheets, their scent on your skin. You watch how carefully they choose their outfit for the day. You watch as they pair the colors. You memorize that face they make when they stand at the mirror checking every detail. You savor how routine it is. You savor it because you both earned it. There is something precious in the domesticity and you vow to never take it for granted.
TAGGED BY: Stolen from @troublesomecousin!
TAGGING: Anyone who wants it~!