Instead of everyone presenting their patient case in front of the class, yesterday we had to choose 6 out of about 30. Honestly, I wanted to present mine because I worked so hard for it. Even though everyone’s presentation will be evaluated and graded, to me, it would’ve felt very disappointing had I not been picked to present from my small group. But of course: my work was awesome.
Something about the teacher and what she said yesterday made me second-guess myself, though. I can’t even exactly remember what it was but by the time I got home, I had to go through my presentation for hours to see if I could make it even better but then I got distracted, as is usual, by the thought of “why bother, it’ll never be what I want.”
After a break, it was my turn. I had given a flow chart for everyone during the break in case the one on my presentation couldn’t be read, especially from the back of the class. I prepared everything, and eventually we were only waiting for the teachers. I felt ready and confident. At some point, I started to feel awkward because I thought I’m repeating myself and I started analyzing the faces of my teachers and I thought “am I looking up, towards the audience enough, or basically, everything is not as perfect as they should be. It was a weird flash, a sudden realization but I tried to go on.
As usual, fellow students never really have the courage to give any feedback that might come off as negative, even if there really is use for some “constructive criticism.” And despite my fears of screwing everything up, even the teacher said positive things only (the other one didn’t comment, except with a smile). And at that moment, I looked at the faces of few of my classmates, one of which had also commented thoughtfully, and I saw genuine smiles. Thus, I let go of the fears and didn’t beat myself down because of this whole thing.
Now, I’m eager to see my evaluation which will be posted on our web based software by tomorrow.
