#evolutions resolve

[evolutionsresolve]

Living in Neutrality

When i think about where i am right now i get this unavoidable sense of emotional discord because i know that i am not satisfied with my place in the universe right now. No, it isn’t the constant reminder by a family member or a news agencies agenda to point out the faults of our generation that do it, but rather the fact that i myself know that what i am doing is not enough for my own curiosity.

I have an innate sense of curiosity that drives me forward throughout life. I cannot go a day without learning at least one thing more than i knew the day before. The want to know why and how, if and when, could and should; all questions that i ask about everything but i couldn’t tell you why when it comes why i am like this. This striving curiosity both empowers and impowers me.

My need to know more about things in general causes me to spend hours on end some day flipping through books, articles, and videos about even the most off hand topics. I spent an hour yesterday learning how Air brakes in a train work and then two hours later started plundering into the life of author Oscar Wilde. Neither proving to be any more dull than the other but deriving the same amount of interest no less. The issue is just that though; I am too interested in everything and not enough disinterested in anything.

Sure, i could have went to school to be an architect like i had planned in 11th grade, but what if i wanted to be a psychologist instead?

Yes, i could have continued my nursing education and became a registered nurse of nurse practitioner, but what if i wanted to go into computers?

My interest in everything causes me to create this neutral state of living in which i can neither move forward nor move back because i want to know more about everything while in reality only being able to know a small piece of it if i need to focus on a specific field or career and that debilitates me and leaves me stranded in the position that I'm in right now: unsatisfied.

I don’t know how to move on, i don’t know how to get out of this state of being and find something that i can be satisfied with enough to not regret holding to it. I know that it needs to be done but how? How do i look at the universe with all of its questions and pick only a handful to live on for the rest of my life? I can’t. That causes me even more issues than you realize because right then and there sits a question that my curiosity and my sanity needs an answer to, but i cannot answer.

[evolutionsresolve]

7 Things I’ve Learned from tumblr

Its almost odd to call tumblr a social media site because that word generally gives off negative vibes associated with others like facebook and twitter, but when i joined tumblr and made my first blog back in 2012 i learned that this site is one of the most diverse communities on net today. Along the way i learned lots of other things that shaped me into more of who i am. Some being gently presented, others being emotionally forged into my character.

It’s okay to be wrong - I have always been one of those who found it hard to take even constructive criticism, let alone being told flat out that something i have said or done is wrong. Being told that you are wrong when you actually are is just common sense, there is a time and place sure, but if you are actually wrong then wouldn’t you rather be able to see its the case and correct the issue? or atleast try?

What you find funny, even if harmless, may not seem funny to others - This site is full of such a diverse group that its rare to not log on and find an argument where someones comedic timing wasnt quite punctual for someone else. Yes, some people are really sensitive, but some are also really insensitive. This leads into the next one quite well.

Do i need to say this? Do i need to say this to this person? Do i need to say this to this person right now? These questions often dictate whether i post something. Is what im saying needed for this person at this moment or any person at any moment? Not that this means that nothing one says is important, but some things can be detrimental to a situation or topic even if the intentions are harmless. Social media gives you a unique oppurtunity, in the real world you are told to think before you speak, but on here you get the chance to think, type, read, and then if after those 2 extra steps you feel what you are saying isn’t quite write, then to others it never happened.

Hobbies and Interests aren’t just about fun - For many people, a hobby or interest can have deep rooted memories for that person. A band geek may not be just a band geek but someone whose spent years learning to play with the dream of becoming a professional musician. Anime may seem childish to some but its diverse and relateable stories connect to people like any other story. Art isn’t just paint on a canvas, its hours and hours of emotion and strife put into the stroke of a brush, or the flash of a camera, or the click of a mouse. That saying of walking a mile in someones shoes is great when talking of someones hobbies because it often shares a deep and personal bond like no other.

A sickness doesn’t have to show on the outside - Depression and Anxiety, two among many other ailments, are real and mess with people in very real ways. Emotions are not something that can just be controlled at ones whim and this means that when they begin to twist into balls of confusion and turmoil it becomes even harder to untie the knots. Please don’t downplay depression and anxiety disorders.

Gender isn’t pink and blue - This site connects with me very deeply on some topics, especially LGBTQ topics. If you are born physically a male, you are not predestined to be male at heart. If you are born mentally a girl, you can still be the prime of masculinity. If you feel effeminate sometimes and masculine others, thats okay. If you like girls clothes more than guys then thats fine. If you want to be someone other than who you are at this moment and you believe that would make you the happiest, then that fine. Its okay to not be gender binary, its okay to not know who you are yet as long as you choose to seek it out.

Life is scary - I used to use this site as a way to escape from the real world atleast temporarily but i soon realized that the contrast of life and living are shown in such a blinding array of lights that the world cannot nor should it be escaped. Living in the real world is what is true, even the places in which we choose to hide still reside within the real world. A place of life, death, happiness, sadness, wealth, poverty, abundance, famine, love and loss. Experiencing life both teaches and terrifies us with its lessons both in the calm and gentle and dark and disturbing. The acknowledgement that this is reality means that you see yourself as part of this world, and being part of this complex system means that you have weight, you matter, and even if it seems scary or hard sometimes, you can change and shape yourself and the world around you. You need only try, and if you fail you try again, and if you fail again then you try again. As long as a part of you sees something that is not ideal then there exists somewhere inside of you the resolve to change things, thats how us humans are, we strive for perfection in the most obscure definition of the word: Living.

[evolutionsresolve]

Evo does Anime questions! - - - Again!

1. My first anime ---Cowboy Bebop

2. My favorite anime ---Trigun

3. The first anime character I was obsessed with ---Is this really a thing? Ive never obsessed over one before

4. My anime OTP ---Haruhi and Kyon

5. An anime I can’t stand ---Ouran High School Host Club

6. An anime I want to watch ---The new Fate/stay night series

7. An anime I never finished ---Infinite Stratos - - - im planning to...eventually

8. The most recent anime I finished ---Aesthetica of a Rogue Hero

9. An anime I never thought of watching but fell in love with ---Puella Magi Madoka Magica

10. My favorite genre of Anime ---Romcom or romantic drama

11. Shonen or Shojo ---50/50

12. My favorite anime character of all time ---Vash the Stampede

13. An anime that I introduced to a friend ---Psycho Pass

14. The anime that I am currently watching ---Way too many to list, the back log is getting ridiculous

15. An anime that never gets old no matter how many times I watch it ---Trigun

16. If I own any anime merchandise ---I am broke so the only stuff i have are a few Studio Ghibli post cards for princess mononoke

17. Yaoi or Yuri ---Yaoi if one of them is cute, yuri if theres a decent story.

18. If I’ve ever been to an anime convention ---nope

19. Who is my favorite anime voice actor ---This will answer the next question in a way - Cherami Leigh

20. Sub or Dub? ---Typically Dub, cmon guys, this isnt the 90s, dubbing has come a long ways.

21. If I could have any anime character’s hair style, who would it be Anyone from Shiki, i mean seriously, who the hell approved that art style??

22. Manga or Anime? ---Mostly anime, occasional manga

25. If any of my friends or family watches anime ---a few friends, a few family

26. If I listen to any anime music ---How can you not atleast like the stuff egoist makes?

27. If I’m following any ongoing anime series ---Several - Im waiting for the second half of log horizon

28. If I’ve ever been to an anime club ---nope

29. If I’ve ever cried over an anime ---*flashbacks to Clannad/after story* . . . . . . .

30. What my last anime wallpaper was ---Psycho Pass, still on my desktop

[evolutionsresolve]

Flip

Everyone is guilty of having people that they treat as a back-up friend; someone they call on only when its convenient. Yes, it is hypocritical to feel anger, sadness, and disappointment towards people when they treat you that same way, but that doesn't make it wrong to feel that way. No one wants to be the back up character. That's why i always put myself in the driver seat in the groups I'm involved with. No one wants to be forgotten but that raises two equally important things: They seriously have a problem internally with how they treat others, though they may not realize they leave you out or they may, but its still a problem they themselves need to fix. The other thing is that the phone works both ways. If you don't want to be a back up character then show them that you're not; not by changing, but by standing up for yourself. One of the greatest attributes a person can have is self confidence and if you show to them that you can stand tall then that can cause them to reflect on their actions. That might end in them leaving, that might end in them opening back up, but either way you will know in the end and you have to ask which you'd rather have. If you flip a coin then you'll know what you really wanted in the first place -- if it lands on what you really wanted in the back of your mind, then you'll be happy by the outcome, but if it lands opposite then you'll have regret and want to flip again. Your the coin, your paths are in front of you, now flip.

[evolutionsresolve]

Rants of Determination: A Single Pixel

I once read of people being compared to a picture; Alone, each person is only a single pixel, small, seemingly insignificant, but when combined with others it begins to create a more and more detailed picture. My last rant was about how most people want to be remembered, however, the word most may only mean 51% as many people. People often walk through life as single pixels. Seemingly insignificant at first glance if they are even noticed but still there despite many not wanting to be noticed. Living in a state of mind that one is an insignificant pixel causes a state of being in that you live outside of everyone else. They exile themselves believing it to be the best way to live, to avoid any conflict that may arise from interaction but that only diminishes the number of pixels that can be used to create the big picture. Some find others to feel significant and some find others because they feel significant. In this day and age its annoyingly easy to see when a pixel goes out on a screen. Color and vibrance shining out from the screen but in all of that vibrance a single burned out pixel can be seen, it is noticeable, it is significant. This is where the two types of people become noticeable. The ones who look for others to feel significant are represented by the burned out pixel. They like to blend in but want to be noticed if they are broken or missing. The ones on the other side of the coin are represented by the single pixel from where the picture originates. The believe they are meant to be something and they create the pictures. In life there are those who create the pictures and those who become part of the picture, those who design the buildings and those who build them. It doesn't downplay the importance of the role when the bigger picture is noticed. Each person may be a single pixel, but it doesn't make them any more insignificant, infact, it causes quite the opposite.

[evolutionsresolve]

I thought it would be more of a bummer to learn that i have a chronic neurological disability, but in actuality it gives me opportunities: When im 40 and can't feed myself soup ill have the company of a pretty nurse to pass the day. woooooo \o/

[evolutionsresolve]

Rants of Determination: An Education

I'm a college student. There are many of us on tumblr, no surprise that I'm one. We each went through middle and high school and dealt with the normal routine that many of you who read this go through and will go through again with the coming new semester. Problem time: What is a Model Student? I remember being told that to get the most out of school and to succeed i should study every night, i should do my homework the night i received it, i should join all the clubs and sports teams that i could. Welllllllll, there are two sides to this coin. I was one of those students that everyone secretly resented because i never needed to study, very few subjects or topics ever gave me trouble, when i saw the process, when i read the material, and when i practiced it if only in class i was more than capable of holding onto the information to the same degree and better often than the ones who had to study diligently every night for hours on end. This came from my affinity for knowledge, I am inherently a geek and a nerd and i enjoy being both. I'm one of those walking encyclopedia who accumulates more and more just to go "Want to know something interesting?". For homework, I'll use a more extreme example. At my High School we had what was called a Senior Project, it was similar to a college thesis paper but more condensed and with more rules to make it viable for High School students. The project consisted of a 6-8 page research paper, a portfolio with around 20-30 pages inside that described your research, your topic, the trials and errors you encountered, the time table of when you completed tasks and etc. It also included a tri-fold display board about your topic, some form of finished physical project that had to take 15+ hours on at minimum, and finally a 6-8 minute speech had to be presented in-front of a panel of judges who would ultimately rate your project. This project was as a whole meant to be done on our free time, not during regular class and if you didn't complete it then your risked failing your senior year. Most people slaved for a year to finish theirs and do everything correctly. Though my physical project was completed over a course of week and possibly around a month, everything else on that list was finished no more than 2 days before it was due to be turned in and i wasn't sweating any of it. Until the speech that is, but even someone like me who enjoys public speaking gets a little nervous. I attribute my affinity of knowledge partly to this, it just meant that i knew my topic partly even before i began to research the rest. Clubs and Sports. I love boxing, but im not the physical kind of guy. I don't mind weight lifting but just as a work out, not as a hobby. Sports was never high up on my list and luckily my school doesn't force people to pick some form of club or athletic group. I didn't join any clubs until my junior year but i didn't join it to make friends like some do (nothing wrong with that reason at all). I joined two major clubs, the Technology Student Association or TSA: An international organization that helps spread STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) through STEM related competitions that involved events ranging from Designing and building CO2 dragsters to creating CAD based Architectural Blueprints and competing at regional, state, and national competions. The other club i joined was known as Quiz Bowl, it basically involves students traveling around to other schools in their state and nation to compete in a jeopardy like decathlon. I didn't need to join something i didn't like just to be a part of it, i found things i did like so that i could enjoy myself. This idea for the model student is completely bogus, you are capable by now to determine what it is that you need to do to further yourself. I'm showing you my past as an example that not everyone follows or needs to follow that predetermined layout of normality as a student. Find a way to enjoy school, don't anguish over the smallest details. Make friends, both in students and in the staff. And probably one of the biggest things that you should always remember to do is Think. Think about what you're doing, what you want to do, what others are doing and if it's really what you want to do, think about what you say to others and what they say to you. Use this ability to also think about where you are going, where will you be once you leave that school behind? Don't let the idea and stress of being the model student hold you down, fly with the knowledge that you can enjoy school and think about where that flight can take you tomorrow and the next day.