be warned: long post. really long post. mostly because i wanted to get this out of my system.
i know no one asked but since i saw @/berlinini sharing why she doesn't like h... here's my take. i've been in this fandom for seven, almost eight, years. i was a larrie for most of them and... i didn't like harry for most of them either.
yes, i am stupid. this isn't some "oh, it took me so long to see something was wrong", it's mostly a "it took me so long to realize what exactly was wrong and to admit i needed to move on".
and i feel like it's important to speak about this because new fans are being pulled into larry, shamed if they don't want to stan harry too, told that louis isn't enough by himself, that he and his art are linked to harry styles and that's how it works. you see it in youtube comments of react channels and under louis own videos with people who discover him from projects. they're fighting tooth and nail to keep that connection alive, grasping at straws to make people believe there's (still) something there.
now, don't get me wrong. i've noticed the shift too. i've noticed there's a lot more of solo louies joining the fandom, i've noticed that he's being related to h and 1D less and less and i'm happy and proud. i still feel like a lot of larries need to open their eyes (i know some of them are harries in disguise, but, judging by my interactions, i also feel like there's lots of smaller accounts that are mostly louies stuck in the same mindset i was).
i still remember where i was when i first heard the rumors about harry, columbia and how much they were paying for him (mind you, this was before everything that happened in 2015, and it turned out to be true). i had no intention to watch dunkirk, i didn't care about the movie or the promo unless louis mentioned it on a interview. i found sign of the times boring. i didn't enjoy hs1 at all. i didn't like the content he was releasing and even back then i felt like he was too distant, out of touch with reality, performative...
to be honest, while there were a few larrie blogs i checked i mostly talked about it with a few friends who are part of the fandom too, and sticked to reading fics or getting excited about ""proof"" in a small circle.
and this small circle can tell you i would never bite my tongue with them about harry and how i felt about his decisions, and about louis career and the sabotage that was going on.
but i never tied the two. sometimes i would ask myself if i wasn't being too harsh on harry, if all of it was part of his public image, if it was true he was a victim of the contracts too, someone in the closet with no options, and i tried to look "past it". while i enjoyed fine line more than hs1 some of the songs weren't for me either (and it took me six months to listen to it). and it was uneasy for me to see him getting so much recognition when he didn't seem thankful, or even interested in what he was putting out, too busy trying to achieve new levels of fame. and every new thing i find out about him makes me dislike him even more. there's no authenticity, no self-respect, no gratitude, only greediness. empty stay at home t-shirts and data-mining BLM and looking like he's giving an eulogy after winning a Grammy (and only thanking the people who paid for it).
with quarantine i fell back into the fandom and made new larrie friends, and i found myself not kinda believing the "proof" they were excited about, or like i was just checking in for the tabloid drama of it all, too obsessed to let go. but in my mind it didn't make sense, and it didn't feel right, for louis, the louis that i saw, to be dating harry styles™️. sometimes i told myself it was fine if i didn't really like him because louis loved him and it was his personal decision not mine.
i feel like i've been a good judge of character since the beginning, in my case. i picked louis back in 2015 and i'll never regret that decision. i don't think i could ever stop supporting him. but i was so tangled in the idea, had dedicated so much time and energy to larry and that long-suffering, star-crossed soulmate fantasy we built that i wasn't thinking clearly.
i don't think i was actively hurting louis, personally (i never interacted with anyone about larry in other social media platforms, i purchased, supported, tried to promote and streamed his music and only his). in everything but my reading habits i was practically a solo louie already, but yet i was pushing this idea of a relationship that would be really toxic for him, were it to be true.
right now i'm at a point where i feel like i've finally opened my eyes. if they were together, it's obvious they're not anymore. and it's obvious that harry styles is both a blank canvas for sony and the azoffs and someone who doesn't care about what he has to give up for fame. he stopped caring about louis (or anyone who can't either help his career or push his image of the month) in any shape or form, a long time ago.
he surrounds himself with people that don't respect louis neither as a musician nor as a person, and i don't think he does, either. they're not in the same place (mentally and physically, they seem to be unable to be in the same continent for long periods of time). i think i've always known, i just wasn't ready to let go of this fixation i had dedicated so many years to (mostly, fanfiction), and right now i'm pretty firm on my beliefs.
if anyone wants to come and tell me that louis will never be as famous as harry, or that i'm wrong in how i perceive people... go ahead. i don't care. i don't want that level of fame for louis if it comes at that price, and i don't think he wants that either.
i've been here for the highs and the lows of louis career, and i can say i am proud of how his fanbase is growing organically right now, and how he owns his past instead of renouncing it, but he doesn't allow it to define him either. i see a consistency, a hard-working, warm-hearted person, even in the face of everything that has happened.
i see someone worth my time (and my money, which i'm more protective of 😂). i never saw that in harry, not even during the early days.
Alienating your loyal fans when you supposedly need them to buy your shit, support your new music and upcoming tour, and watch your new film(s) seems like an odd flex but you do you.
