#excerpt book

[universalclouds]

I have this bad habit of pushing people away in an attempt to prove to myself that I am right. That no one stays. That I am too hard to love.

I’m sorry I didn’t let you in

[universalclouds]

I'm trying to move on, I promise you that. I just haven't finished picking up the pieces of myself that you broke.

excerpt from a book I’ll never write

[universalclouds]

For once in my life, I want to just let go. To be devoured by a love that is bigger than myself. That is all I want.

excerpt from a story I will never write

[universalclouds]

Someday I will forget the color of your eyes. And you will forget mine too.

excerpt from a story I’ll never write

[universalclouds]

[universalclouds]

Stockholm syndrome

Every seven years, nearly every cell in our body

will have died and been replaced. At some point, we

as humans will have shed

our old skin in some cyclical process of

decay and rebirth

you will inhabit a new vessel

One that has not seen the same scars as it has in its past life

That used to bring me comfort, Knowing that at some point

there will be parts of myself that you have yet to explore

That you have yet to lay your claim on, a me

with no knowledge of you to crave

But I don’t feel like that anymore

After seven years, I grieve the freedom that has come with renewal

freedom from the hold you had on my past self, the way you’d

say my name in a groggy morning murmur

Or the feeling of your head across

my chest as you listened to the rhythmic beating of my heart as it

spelled out your name with each syllable.

It were those parts of myself that I had loved, that I had felt useful,

Because the last thing I felt good at was loving you.

And now its been seven years and I’ve

learned to no longer leave

the light on for you when you

come home.

[universalclouds]

We shattered ourselves in an attempt to make our pieces fit My mosaic now largely consisting of you Those pieces with remnants of your words in my speech And how I greet large groups with “G’morning” And how I still wear single stitch t-shirts Because there was always a spark of magic in your eyes when you would find new one And how I always look for creme instead of lotion As you swore it was an indication of better quality. You see, if I passed this instant, And the coroner dissected my body Dandelions and wild violets would spill from my guts An ode to how you always saw flowers amongst the weeds And I swear your name would appear in a ball of light In how you whispered sunset afterthoughts well into twilight Promising our forever I know this may not have been what you intended But there is a part of you that will forever be in me.

Maybe in another lifetime