My Journey & The Next Chapter
I’ve really wanted to sit down & post about my next chapter, etc. And now that I have some time, here I am. HI!
I created my IG account in January 2015, around the beginning of my journey. I wanted to use it separately from my personal account, because I knew there may be some major eye rolling going on due to the constant weight loss posts. Let’s be real, we all know that type. And hands up if you’ve actually ever been that person too at one point! *RAISES HAND* Anyways. With this account, I’ve shared everything about my journey. Workouts, food posts, weigh-ins, the many non-scale victories, etc. It became my journal. A way for me to document everything & be able to look back on it all. It was a place I found a lot of inspirational people & I believed I could do it by watching others do it. Does that make sense!? I’ve met amazing people that have become great friends to me. And even though we’ve never met, I know I could always go to them. Instagram has played a huge part in my success.
Now, after losing 150lbs & moving forward with skin removal surgery, I want to share this chapter too. I know it’s not very inspiring or motivational, but it’s part of my story. And maybe it can help others who will be going through the same thing. I’ve thought about recording some YouTube videos to document my surgery + recovery. I’m still thinking about it. But for now, I want to share my experiences so far.
My Consultation
This whole process really got started back in September 2016. I was really having a rough time with the way my body looked after extreme weight loss & I started looking into surgeons. I eventually booked a consultation for December 8th. From the moment I booked, I wanted to cancel it every single day. I was filled with so many emotions. Excited in one way, yet I felt a “why bother” attitude. I felt trapped in a body that didn’t feel like mine & I honestly felt like I didn’t deserve it. I felt at war with my thoughts about it at that point. I wanted the surgery so badly, but I let my anxiety about everything win. I did end up cancelling. And mentally, I felt such a relief after that. It was weird. Fast forward to February 2017. I booked another consultation. I told myself I would at least see the surgeon & just see what happens. I was booked for March 2nd. When that time came however, we were hit with a lot of snow. My appointment was now moved to March 16th. Those doubts & fears started slipping back. Should I just cancel? It could come over as a little dramatic to some, but if you’ve ever struggled with anxiety, you know the feeling. You think of every little thing that could be said or done, going over scenarios a million times in your head. I’ve gotten a pretty good handle on my mental health, but this spiked my anxiety for sure. The few weeks before my consultation I was a nervous wreck. I had absolutely no idea what to expect, which made it worse.
Consultation day! I was freaking out. I was so thankful to have my husband by my side. He tries his best to keep me calm. As I sat there waiting for the surgeon to come in, wearing only my bra, undies & a robe, I was so nervous. When he came in & started examining my body, I started sweating so much. I could feel my skin getting all splotchy. I stood there feeling embarrassed. He then sat me down & discussed several different options..
Standard hip to hip tummy tuck. A “fleur de lis” tummy tuck.. which is two scars.. one horizontal, one vertical. And a belt lipectomy.. which is all the way around the body.
For me, it’s never been about having a perfect body. Let’s be real, after losing so much weight, it would cost a lot of money, lol. My big emphasis was that I wanted the hanging skin gone & to feel as flat as I could.
At that moment, we decided on a standard tummy tuck. He went over how the procedure goes, risks involved & I was given a breakdown of the cost.
I left my consultation feeling relieved. I really built it up in my head to be the worst. It went well & I was ready to move forward.
2nd Consultation
I had another appointment with the surgeon today, March 30th. This appointment he re-examined me. We decided that the “fleur de lis” style tummy tuck would be the best for my situation. I found out my surgery will be around 4 1/2 hours & I will spend the night in hospital. It all really started to hit me during this conversation.. this is kind of a big deal & it’s going to happen. He took a bunch of pictures of me fully naked at every angle. Which was extremely uncomfortable for me & I felt kind of ashamed.
Now I wait to confirm my surgery date. They are booking for June but I won’t know the specific day for a little bit. They get the OR schedules every 6 weeks.
I am scared of recovery, I know it’s going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. Trust me, I’ve thought about it. But I am also so ready to do this. I feel amazing after losing this weight, but I feel held back. Both physically & mentally. I am ready to shed the shell of my former self.
