home. || self para
let me come home, home is wherever I’m with you ahh home, yes I am home home is when I’m alone with you
The first thing that Izzy smelt when she woke up that morning was smoke. For one heart stopping second, she thought that the house was burning down. How typical it would be, just three weeks after coming back home and settling in again, that her house would burn to the ground and leave them all homeless. Prompted by this thought, she flung her covers back and swung her legs over the side of the bed, on her feet before she was even able to breathe properly again. “Nate? Reid? Liss, are you there?” The panic was clear in her voice and she quickened her pace, rounding the corner and skidding to an abrupt stop when she saw what was happening in the kitchen.
There was a cloud of grey smoke billowing out from the toaster, two burnt pieces of bread surprisingly visible through the fog. The smell was so strong that Izzy had to wrinkle her nose as soon as she stepped into the room, the air so thick that she immediately felt a tickle in her throat. But it didn’t seem to faze the other two occupants of the room, both of whom were standing on the other end of the kitchen, backs turned to the toaster. For some reason unbeknownst to Izzy, her brother was shirtless and although she could tell that Lissa was trying to pay attention to their conversation, it was obvious that her attention was straying. Not that it seemed to bother Nate, who just kept looking at the blonde knowingly, a slight smirk tugging on the corner of his mouth. She had to admit that the whole scene was cute; anybody with eyes could see that her brother and best friend were into each other and though the thought had made her curl her lip in the beginning, she just wanted them both to be happy. If they found that happiness in each other, then who was she to try and stop them?
It was with these charitable thoughts in mind that Izzy cleared her throat, folding her arms across her chest. Lissa gave an immediate jump, voice high pitched as she cried “Izzy!” and turned around, a blush clear on her cheeks. Nate kept his cool a little better, a hint of amusement on his face, but Izzy could see the slight annoyance at her interruption underneath. “Iz,” he said, giving her a nod.
She shot them both a bitten off smile, eyes narrowed. “Are you two trying to burn down my kitchen?” she asked as she moved towards the still smoking toaster, waving it away once she got there. “Because if yes, then you’re doing an amazing job at it.” Fixing them both with a half-hearted glare, she pointed to the counter. “Seriously, clean this mess up. And you,” she added, turning to her brother. “For God’s sake, put a shirt on. Nobody needs to see all of that so early in the morning, Nate.” Ignoring Lissa’s pout, she glared at them one more time before turning around and making her way back to her bedroom, the soft sounds of the blonde’s apologies fading behind her.
❀
She was nervous. Her stomach was in knots and her hands were shaking and her knees felt like any second could be the last that they would continue supporting her. The piece of paper in her pocket felt hot and she was certain that somehow it would find a way to burn her. Still, with trembling fingers she reached down and pulled it out, double-checking the address one more time. But there it was: the numbers on the house matched the numbers scrawled out in the familiar handwriting and, taking a deep breath, Izzy raised one fist and knocked on the door.
Surprisingly enough, Reid had been the one to push her to do this. As embarrassing as it was, Izzy had been keeping the note on her person at all times, liking the feeling of warmth that having hope made spread throughout her chest. At times when she was alone, she would even pull it out and reread it, the warmth flaring up bigger and brighter with each word. It was one of those times that Reid caught her in the act, a mixture of natural curiosity and big brother nosiness making him grab at the note. And after reading it, he’d raised his big eyes back on her and ever so gently told her to go for it.
“I’ve seen the video, remember?”
She’d shaken her head. “Reid, I…is that enough space? How much space is enough space anyways? I just…I don’t want to take the chance if it’s just going to make things worse.”
But he hadn’t taken no for an answer, all but shoving her out the door. “I know that you think you’re okay,” he said finally, blocking her entrance back inside. “And you are, you’re fine. But Iz, I know what happy looks like on you. And this isn’t it. So go and try. And if things turn out worse then come back here and I promise that I’ll pick you back up again, all right? Just like every time that you fell off the monkey bars during your jungle girl phase.”
She’d shaken her head in defeat at his teasing, but sighed and gave in. Then, with a final encouraging smile and a kiss to her forehead, Reid had locked her out. Which was how she’d found herself here, on this new, unfamiliar porch, biting her lip and fiddling with her fingers as she waited for him to open the door.
A million thoughts flashed through her mind: half finished apologies, explanations, wild, grand declarations of love and sorrow, but they all flew out of her head the minute she saw the door moving. And then she was stuck, open, empty, vulnerable, everything riding on this one moment. But when she looked up, slightly sheepish, and met those blue eyes that she loved so much, it was like her very soul gave a shudder and then a sigh, the familiar feeling of warmth and ease spreading from her fingertips all the way down to her toes. It would take some doing and it wouldn’t happen overnight, of that she was sure.
But of this she was sure too: they’d be okay.
❀
The water was too hot. In her haste, she’d just turned the knob and then pulled the lever, the only thing on her mind the fact that she needed the water running to mask the sounds of her crying. But now the air was heavy with steam and her hair was getting damp, hanging limply around her face. No matter how often she tried to push it away, it kept falling back and finally, she just left it where it was, too preoccupied with the pain crushing her chest. She could feel every beat of her heart, every time the muscle thumped against her ribcage and each time, she let out a strangled breath.
Izzy was no idiot; she could figure out a timeline just as efficiently as anyone else and this one wasn’t very difficult to piece together. But that was not why she was upset and truthfully, she wasn’t very upset at all. It was more shock, a completely unbidden reaction to the way everything in her life had started to play out. There was a lot she could deal with and if she was getting down to the facts here, a large part of the blame fell onto her shoulders. She knew that and maybe that was why this was such a tough pill to swallow. It was one thing to live with something that she couldn’t control at all and another thing completely to know that part of the reason she was in this predicament (again) stemmed from something that she had done.
Her breathing slowed and she inhaled through her nose, shifting on the ground so that the cold ceramic of the toilet was no longer digging into the small of her back. She’d done it once before, been so ready to do it that nothing else mattered, and she could do it again. She knew it; everyone probably knew it. It had never been a secret how much she would do for him, that had never been something that she’d tried to hide. And it wasn’t a big deal.
Now you can cry for a bit, let it all out. But make sure that you stop crying. Because if you don’t stop crying then you’ll never stop feeling bad for yourself.
Kylie’s words echoed in Izzy’s head and she nodded to herself, gathered her damp hair in one hand and twisting it over her shoulder. Her friend had always been right; wallowing did no good whatsoever and she was adult enough to admit that. Taking another deep breath, Izzy got to her feet and turned off the shower, wringing her hands out over the bathtub to shake off any excess water. Then, with a final swipe under her eyes, she opened up the door and stepped out of the bathroom, already debating whether it should be Just Like Heaven or Something Borrowed that joined her and the popcorn for the movie tonight.
❀
The roar of applause was deafening as the curtain dropped, both Lissa and Izzy on their feet as they cheered for their friend. As predicted, Lacey was amazing on stage. It had been weird to see her with red hair and a tail, but the pride that she felt was this close to making her chest burst. She wanted to grab everyone nearby and shake them, shouting, “That’s my friend! Lacey Lewis is amazing and she is my friend!” but thought better of it. Doing that would be nothing more than embarrassing for both herself and Lacey and honestly, she didn’t want to be too much like Lissa. The blonde was newly engaged to her brother and as happy as Izzy was for them, she didn’t need Lissa’s tendencies rubbing off on her. She lived in an embarrassing enough house as it was, there was no need for it to be coming in at all sides.
Once the crowd had cleared out some, the two were escorted backstage by a security guard and as soon as the three women saw each other, the happy squealing started. “Oh my God, Lace! You were so amazing up there!” Izzy gave her one last squeeze before stepping back, a wide grin almost splitting her face. “I just sat there in the audience and couldn’t stop thinking about how great you were. I always knew it; I always knew that you would find your way on Broadway some day. I could tell from the minute you hit that stage on the karaoke night a million years ago.”
Lacey was about to say something, positively glowing, the red wig hanging from her grip, but Lissa clearing her throat loudly caught both of their attention. It was only when they looked over at their friend that Izzy noticed the giant bouquet of red roses on the vanity table and suddenly, Lissa’s teasing smile was matched by one of her own. “So,” she said casually, dragging the word out as if it was made up of three syllables instead of just the one. “Who are those from, Lace?” Her grin only widened when a slight blush spread across the brunette’s cheeks and she bounced excitedly on the balls of her feet.
“Oh, they’re just from my boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend?” Izzy raised her eyebrows, in full teasing mode now. “What boyfriend?”
“Oh, just, you know.” Lacey shrugged nonchalantly, but there was no hiding the smile on her face.
Before anybody could say anything else, Lissa grabbed the card out of the bouquet, nimble fingers quickly opening the tiny envelope and sliding the message out. Izzy moved in close, reading the words over the blonde’s shoulder and in tandem, both of their mouths dropped open, gazes swinging back up to Lacey. “Drew?!” She just offered them a cheeky smile and set her wig down on its plastic head, smoothing down any flyaway hairs.
“Well, he does have those cute curls,” Lissa said thoughtfully, putting the card back among the flowers. Izzy looked at her for a moment in silence and then all three of them started to giggle, the joyous sound of their laughter floating out into the hallway and making the security guards and stage managers smile.
❀
“Hey Teddy, check me out!”
Izzy waited until she had Jasper’s undivided attention before spinning around, arms out so that he could see her new purchase. The simple maroon hoodie, letters MIT printed in white across the chest, hardly hid her little baby bump but the material was so soft and cuddly that she could not find it in herself to care. Everybody would really be able to tell in a few months anyways, so there was no point in trying to keep it concealed. “This is honestly so comfortable. Do you just have a comfy sweater radar everywhere you go, or what?”
She pulled the sweater down a little and then looped her arm through his, just happy to be this close to him again. It had been strange, going from seeing him every day for a year to now, only when both of their schedules allowed it. But sad as that was, she wouldn’t let it ruin the weekend that they had been planning for months. And the very first item on her to-do list had just been checked off; college memorabilia. While this was not the first time that Izzy had come to visit him on campus, it was the first time that she’d ventured into the bookstore to buy something and she was definitely not regretting her decision.
“No, I…er, I don’t…?” He scratched the back of his head, fingers fluffing up the curls, seemingly confused by her question and the familiarity of the whole situation was like a security blanket. Izzy just laughed and shook her head, the rush of affection for the man before her almost making her dizzy.
“Come on, you know I’m only joking. But seriously, have you felt this?” She held out her arm so that he could rub the material between his fingers, but dropped her hand before he had the chance to, talking again. “I bet that you have like a million of these. You always did have the comfiest sweaters. Probably just because they were yours, to be honest.” Sighing fondly, Izzy rested her head against Jasper’s shoulder for a brief second before raising it again. “I missed you, you know?”
His gaze softened as she looked down at her, his own admission quiet. “I missed you too, Nay.”
She smiled at the familiar nickname and it was difficult to tell if the fluttering in her stomach was due to the baby kicking or her just spending some long overdue time with one of her best friends. Sometimes Izzy went over to Nate and Lissa’s house, or Lissa came over to her and Jace’s, and they would FaceTime with Jasper, but it was never enough. It wasn’t the same as just being with him, talking about everything and nothing all at once, hearing him go off on a tangent about something that he was clearly passionate about but always seemed to go over her head, watching his eyes light up as he talked about Bree and Ellis, already clearly a family man even if he did not yet realize it himself.
“Okay, come on!” She let go of his arm only to loosely encircle her fingers around his wrist, already pulling him along behind her. “Let’s go and get some ice cream, baby’s orders. Oooh, and chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate!”
❀
When Izzy first heard the news, she was driving. Non-stop through their trip to the grocery and then while they did their shopping and now on the drive home, her daughter kept on babbling and gurgling, nothing but nonsense that even as her mother, Izzy had no idea what it meant. Clearly she was her father’s daughter and would never quite know how to shut up, but the thought warmed her heart much more than she let on. And she loved the sound of Shady’s gurgling, she really did. But hearing it for three hours straight was enough to drive her crazy and in a desperate attempt to hear real people words, Izzy flipped on the radio.
And promptly regretted that decision.
The minute that she heard about Elliot’s overdose, it felt like the world had slowed down. She quickly pulled onto the shoulder, her body on autopilot and her mind blank, trying to process what the anchor had just said. It could not have been possible, right? Not Elliot, not the bright boy with so much life and energy inside of him. Not her friend, the same boy who went grocery shopping with her within their first week of meeting, the one who gave her a rose on New Year’s, the one who had been in accidents time and time again but yet always pulled through, no matter the odds. Not Elliot, who was all sunshine and smiles and ducks but so much stronger than anyone knew. Not him.
The tears came without warning. One minute she was frozen in stark disbelief and the next, she was bent over the steering wheel, openly weeping. She knew the score; Izzy had followed his career from the moment that he had made it big. But no matter what he had going on, she had always held on to the belief that he would be able to turn it around. She knew Elliot, knew him in a way that only a special group of people would ever be able to know him and the him that was splashed across magazine covers and entertainment channels, that was not the Elliot that she wanted to remember. That was not the Elliot that he was, not really.
The grief in the car was so palpable that soon enough, her daughter picked up on it and started to cry. And it was the sound of her wailing that broke Izzy out of her stupor, straightening up and wiping fruitlessly at her tears as she turned around to face the baby. “Hey, hey, hey, come on baby,” she said, voice thin as a whip. Reaching one hand out, she gently took ahold of her foot and rocked her, the action meant to soothe. “We’ll be okay, honey. It’ll be okay, we’ll be okay.” She flashed a broken smile at Shady, still murmuring reassurances as her cries tapered off. But when her daughter broke out into the bright, gummy smile that only a baby could, the only thing that Izzy could offer in return was a slight tickle of her toes, fingers just as listless as the rest of her. Because yes, she’d told her that they would be okay and yes, she did believe it. But Izzy knew that it wouldn’t properly happen for a long time. And she wasn’t sure if she would be able to handle it until that time came.
❀
There had always been something that Izzy loved about seeing spaghetti boil on the stove. She couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was but if she had to take a guess, she was sure that it was when the noodle went from straw to soft. There was just something satisfying about seeing the heat turn the otherwise straight pasta into a giant, muddled mess. “Do you know what I mean? Like, it’s cool, right?”
She picked up the wooden spoon and stuck it into the pot, separating some noodles and shaking her head, even though Duncan couldn’t see her through the phone. “No, no, Duncan, I’m not staring at it right now, I’m just cooking dinner. Look, I – I just think it’s cool, okay? There’s like this moment where the spaghetti literally just slides down the pot and into sort of just splashes – no, stop laughing at me! It’s not…Duncan! It’s not funny!! Oh my God, leave me alone. If I had known that I would be getting this abused, then I never would have picked up the phone when you called.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure. Please, you know that I’m your favourite anyways.” Snorting a laugh, Izzy shook her head in amusement and turned her back on the stove to keep an eye on Shady, who was playing with her tea set nearby. The little girl pretended to pour some out into a little cup and blew on it before she took a drink, the whole scene so reminiscent of Izzy when she was her age that the woman had to smile. “What? Yeah, no sorry, Shady is just having a tea party and I got distracted.” As she spoke, Izzy turned back to the stove, checking the heat on the burners to make sure that dinner didn’t burn. “So hey, how’s the firefighting life going for you?
“You mean that one was you guys? I saw it on the news but you know, I couldn’t really tell, you all look the same when you’re suited up. I have no idea how Zoe does it, to be honest. I mean not really, I know how it feels to have a husband always out risking his life – ” here her thoughts touched on her FBI agent of a husband, but she brushed that off and quickly refocused, “ – but I mean, being able to…oh, really?”
Izzy’s attention was pulled away for a second as she felt tiny little hands against her leg and she looked down to see her daughter tottering around her, arms outstretched as she tried to find her balance. “No no no no, don’t do that!” Without any explanation to Duncan on the other end of the line, Izzy set the phone down on the counter and picked the toddler up, settling her on her hip. “You gotta stay away from the hot stove, okay baby?” Smiling once she got a nod in response, Izzy carried her daughter over to her play kitchen, settling her down and kissing the top of her head. “You can play with this one while Mummy finishes up dinner. Lacey! Can you keep an eye on your sister please?”
She waited until she got a muffled response before heading back into the kitchen, picking up the phone once more, and was greeted by a flurry of sound as she nestled it between her shoulder and ear. “No, Duncan, Duncan! It’s fine, sorry; Shady was just getting a little too close to the stove, that’s all. No, she’s fine. Pssht, tell me about it. You can see it more and more literally every day.” She shook her head, flipping the burner off and taking the pot of spaghetti to the sink to drain. “So yeah, you were saying?”
❀
“Mama. Mama, get up!”
“Do I have to?” But despite her grumbles, Izzy rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. It took a couple seconds for her to remember where she was and what was happening and why she was lying on the couch, but soon enough, the faint sounds coming from the TV made everything fall into place. “Is the movie done, baby?”
Her daughter nodded her head, pouting slightly, the bow that Izzy had taken such care to tie into her hair that morning slipping down. “I miss Nemo,” she said mournfully, the absolute sorrow on her face almost too much for Izzy to bear. She motioned for Shady to come closer, intending to fix the bow in her hair before she took the DVD out and put it back in the secret hiding spot that Jace didn’t know about. Not that she didn’t trust him but because she had some serious misgivings about what he would do if he knew that Nemo was actually a lot closer than he thought.
Shady settled her little hands on Izzy’s stomach as she fixed the drooping ribbon, arms held at an awkward angle so that she could reach without getting up. “There you go,” she said, smiling at her daughter and making a move to get off the couch and take the movie off. Or at least, that was the plan. But at seven and a half months pregnant, she was finding it difficult to get off of the couch without any help and after a few aborted attempts at getting up, Izzy had to admit defeat. “Okay,” she said with a sigh, holding Shady’s hand in her own and swinging them lightly. “New plan. Since we’re home alone, we’re just going to have to wait for Daddy to come back and help Mummy up. And take off the DVD.” Here she sighed sadly, already lamenting the loss of Finding Nemo and trying to figure out a good time to go out and get another copy. “Okay?”
Shady nodded but instead of going off and playing with her toys, she stayed where she was, her tiny little hands still resting against Izzy’s belly. “Mama, mama, mama,” she sang, looking blankly around the room, big bright eyes roaming over everything and settling on nothing. “Mama, mama, mama, mama!!” Just as quickly as her gaze had been wandering, it snapped back to Izzy, eyes sparkling happily. “Mama!”
Izzy knew exactly what she was talking about because she’d obviously felt it as well. One of Shady’s little brothers was kicking and at this stage in her pregnancy, as uncomfortable as it was for his mother, it was clearly a delight for his sister. “I know, sweetie.” She grimaced as she tried to move up on the couch, only raising a couple inches or so before settling back against the pillows. “I know, now please stop doing that.” In response to the kicking, the little girl was pushing back against the sensitive skin and as much as this show of love was warming Izzy’s heart, it was also making her position very uncomfortable.
It was a stroke of luck that her husband came home right at that moment, his keys jangling loudly as he twisted the lock behind him. A wicked idea found its way into Izzy’s head and she smiled mischievously at her daughter, the expression catching the little girl’s interest right away. “Hey Shady,” she spoke in a whisper, careful not to let him overhear. “You know what I’m sure that your Daddy would love?” At the excited shake of her daughter’s head, she fought a smile and continued, “If you told him all about what you did today!”
And she was off like a shot, mouth going a mile a minute as she recounted the entire story of Finding Nemo as best as she could. From her spot on the couch, Izzy could hear subtle noises of protest getting drowned out as their daughter’s voice got louder and more animated and she let out a soft sigh, allowing the sounds to lull her back to sleep.
❀
There was no other way to put it: the place was a madhouse. Toys were littered all over the ground and clothes were strewn everywhere, although for the life of her, Izzy could not understand why. She walked through the destruction, a laundry basket propped up on her hip, picking the clothes up off of the floor and depositing them inside.
“Why am I doing this?” She muttered under her breath, frustration mounting. “Why is this necessary? What reason could any of them possibly have for this?” Sighing, she shook her head and set the basket down for a quick respite, planting her hands in the small of her back and stretching. A sigh of relief escaped as the tension drained away and she slowly dropped her hands before opening her eyes. For a moment, she stood there, looking at the basket and feeling absolutely no desire to continue with what she had been doing. Laziness had always been one of her better known but less attractive qualities, and now it was like she couldn’t even remember the meaning of the word, she was always so busy.
Because she had children. Nine of them, to be exact, and another one on the way.
She could not remember why she had thought having all of those kids was a good idea. Of course she loved them; they were the best parts of Jace and her combined and sometimes just seeing them brightened up her day beyond words. But there were other times when she just wanted to pull her hair out and invite Lissa over so that she could do some proper cleaning and organizing.
“Mommy, Caleb pushed me.”
She was pulled out of her thoughts by the watery voice of her youngest daughter and she bent down as best as she could, resting gentle hands on the little girl’s shoulders. But before she could even ask Isla if she was okay, Caleb was running up the stairs, already fighting his case. “I didn’t mean to, it was an accident!”
“Okay, okay.” She straightened up and took a long look at her son. He was obviously scared and nervous and his lower lip was trembling, which could only mean that he was telling the truth. Sighing, she turned back to her daughter. “You’ll be fine, sweetie. Just let me grab a bandage for that scrape and then we’ll patch you up good as new, yeah? Just wait for me in your room and I’ll be there in a second.” Already on her way to the bathroom, Izzy turned to look back over her shoulder and added, “Caleb, could you finish pick all this stuff up for me, please?”
He nodded seriously and she backtracked to tousle his hair, planting a kiss on his forehead so that he would know she wasn’t mad at him. “Thanks, honey.”
The band aids were in the bathroom on the other side of the house, so Izzy continued on her way, leaving her son alone with the basket. They lived in a big house. Honestly, they had to; with nine and a half kids living there every day, two adults doing the same and another two kids coming and going sporadically, anything smaller than what they had now and they would all be stepping all over each other. And Izzy loved their house. It always felt like it was more chaotic than not, but throughout the years she’d gotten used to that, even grown to love it. And with all of the rooms, it was never difficult to find someplace to lie down for a few quiet minutes and soothe her aching feet, especially with how swollen her ankles had been lately. The madness could continue outside for as long as it wanted, but she would always be able to find a brief moment of peace.
But out of the whole entire house, out of every room and passage and nook and cranny, her favourite place was the photo wall. She thought that it could be a little overwhelming, standing in front of all the history hanging from the wall, but that was half of the fun. She’d been through a lot in her life, they both had, and a constant reminder of all the good times was definitely something that Izzy held near and dear to her heart.
As she walked past the wall for the second time, box of bandages in hand, she trailed her fingertips lightly against the cool glass, dipping and bumping along the ridges as she moved from one frame to the next. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn’t even see the boys coming, only noticing them as they zipped past her, almost knocking her into the wall. “Jeremy, Steven, come on, take it outside, please,” she called after them, blonde heads disappearing from view almost as fast as they’d appeared.
“Okay Mom,” they chorused back, voices already fading.
She let out a deep breath through her nose, about to keep moving towards Isla’s room when a crooked picture frame caught her attention. It must have jostled when she’d stumbled after the kids ran by and one hand automatically reached out to try and fix it. But when she noticed which picture it was, her breath hitched and she was suddenly transported years into the past, when things had never been easy and yet they still had been so simple. The group of familiar faces smiled at Izzy, thanking her as she rightened their home and a soft smile touched her lips in response.
Two years seemed like such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things but even now, years into the future, Izzy could never ignore the importance that those few years had had on her life. Her smile only widened when she felt the familiar arms of her husband wrap around her from behind and she turned her head slightly, talking into his neck. “That reminds me,” she began, lightly tapping the box of bandages against his forearm, “And don’t ask me how it reminds me, because it just does, but don’t let me forget to pick up that dessert thing that Hunter likes, okay? He and Alaska are coming over for lunch this weekend and it’s around his birthday and I’m too tired to make it so he’s just going to have to deal with a store bought version.”
His reply was drowned out by the sound of a crash from downstairs, followed instantly by a guilty sounding, “Sorry Mom!” and there was nothing more that Izzy could do besides sigh and shake her head. She started to move out of the embrace, intending to go down and see what had happened and already preparing herself for the mess that she would find. Although Jace let her go, he didn’t actually let her go down the stairs, holding her in place by resting his hands on her shoulders and massaging them lightly.
“Relax. I’ll go check.”
Both his words and ministrations caused her to sag in relief and she let out another sigh, more relaxed this time. “Thanks.” Her voice was soft and she tucked some hair behind her ear as she flipped the box open with her free hand. “And I’d better get back to Isla anyways.” She turned around again and kissed him just shy of his mouth before gently prodding him towards the stairs, already moving towards the bedrooms herself. Still, her gaze lingered on the wall, eyes darting up and over every picture hanging there:
Shady and Scar playing hopscotch during the summertime, the blurry figure of Bev just visible in the background, her attention fixed firmly on her phone.
Lacey and Mason and Ellis sitting around in the backyard, eating s’mores and blissfully unaware of everything that their parents had gone through during their short time in each other’s pockets.
Will and Elle, looking dressed up and fancy for some sort of event. Aaron and Ashlyn, looking happier than she’d ever seen either of them look before.
Nik biting into a macaron, the sun shining brightly behind him as his mother and stepfather laughed beside him.
And right there in the middle, the old group. Eyes sparkling in impossibly young faces, the presence of Elliot, Bluey and Micah causing the scarred over wounds to ache once more. She smiled sadly, fingertips just grazing the glass as she passed, ears already tuning in as Isla called out, “Mommy?”
“I’m coming, baby. I’m coming.”
