#exhijabi

[tentativelysacrilegious]

happy Halloween to all my dear apostates

[excommunicated-exhijabi]

Five Years, Five Stages

Okay. How to start this?

I think I’ll start from when and why I decided to start wearing the hijab. I was an impressionable teenager, influenced by my surroundings. Raised by a very conservative religious Arab family, I was thrust in an all girls Islamic school. In my extended family, I was the eldest girl not wearing the hijab. In school, I was one of 3 girls who wasn’t a Hijabi, so it felt like all eyes were on me. Everyone begged me to wear it, tried to scare me of the religious repercussions, and even resorted to shaming me on how I looked without it. I felt outed and alone for not wearing a scarf on my head.

Right before my eighteenth birthday came Ramadan and I knew that’s when I was supposed to wear it. “If you don’t wear it now, you’ll never wear it.” That’s the phrase that haunted my teenage soul, and god forbid I never wear it! God knows I desperately didn’t want to, but I felt pressured enough by family and friends to do so. My fear of what my family and friends thought of me was greater than the fear of what god thought of me, and that’s what ultimately led me to wear it. I am not proud, but at least I can admit that to myself now.

The five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

First year: Denial. I refused to accept that I hated wearing the hijab. I ignored it to the best of my ability and go on with my life.

Second year: Anger. I realized I hated it and it fueled me in a bad way. I noticed that my hate for the Hijab was finding its way to my faith, poisoning it quietly in the shadows.

Third year: Bargaining. I started telling myself, taking it off now and salvaging whatever is left of my love and faith to Islam is better than loosing my faith while wearing it. And hey, I am planning on wearing it after a few years, when I fully accept it!

Forth year: Depression. This one is tricky cause I have been struggling with depression before wearing the hijab, but after wearing it, things got messier.

Fifth year: Acceptance. My acceptance was different. I came in peace with the thought that I may never want to wear it, and now’s the time to take it off.

Ironic as it is, I knew in my heart that if I didn’t do it now, I never will. I couldn’t bare the thought of wearing the Hijab for the rest of my life.

[tentativelysacrilegious]

just wanted to give my fellow exmuslims some hope, I was forced to wear hijab since I was 10 years old and had many tearful arguments over it with family. I was told I would be disowned and that they would take my younger sisters back to our homeland (a very dangerous place) to "learn to listen to their parents, unlike you" and threatened with all sorts of things, such as the possibility of being assaulted if I took it off. I'm saying this not to flex my trauma but to give you guys some hope as despite how bleak my situation felt, at 18 I was able to remove my headscarf while still living at home, and none of my sisters have had to go through what I did. Despite the fact that I still have many arguments about hijab with my parents, I know that these days the arguments won't rise to physical violence. I know I'm very lucky to be in this position and I hope that it gives you guys some hope. You will be able to take off your headscarf one day! Stay strong!